Do you think that women in the US (west) would generally prefer a girl or a boy more atleast first? Is there a stereotype for this and if so, what is the equivalent for men?
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Do you think that women in the US (west) would generally prefer a girl or a boy more atleast first? Is there a stereotype for this and if so, what is the equivalent for men?
Hi and welcome!
I have a question before replying - are you a journalist?? It's fine if you are, I just would like to look out for my members as some journalists have come along and asked this kind of question and people ended up agreeing to be interviewed for articles. A couple times the articles were not very flattering so if that's the case just wanted to give everyone a heads up that reporters can seem very nice to your face and then publicly gut you in an article.
Or, it's equally possible you're just curious about this issue (I know I am) and regardless I'm happy to share my opinion/experience either way.
On the whole, we have more members here who want girls from the US. That having been said, the majority of these people are here for family balancing (meaning they have a lot of one gender already) and not with a preference for a first child. So I can't honestly say if this preference was present for first children, only that more of our members (who are mostly female) want at least one daughter. I wouldn't call it a stereotype, but it's definitely a thing.
That having been said, when it comes to families that want ONLY one gender, this has overwhelmingly been a desire for all girls. I can count on one hand those who wanted only boys and dozens of families who wanted only girls.
Additionally, a few families want only children, and interestingly I find this split fairly evenly between boys and girls.
Personally I wanted a boy with my first. I didn't always get along well with my female peers growing up and felt like I got along with men/boys better. I was thrilled to have a boy and overjoyed to have two.
I was very happy with my two older boys for many years before I decided to try for a third (with the same husband, even though we have a large age gap it was due to financial reasons not remarriage, people always ask me that!) and did not feel a burning desire for a daughter. It would have been nice of course, but I didn't have any feelings I was missing out on anything. Then we decided to have more kids and I had no preference when I conceived, but over time I just "felt" that I was having a girl. It turned out to be a boy and then I ended up very sad about it. I had another boy, and also struggled with feelings of gender disappointment/desire then too. I finally had a girl the 5th time through.
If I would only have been able to have one gender, I would have picked boys, I think - probably because I"ve been raising boys for 28 years and I'm more used to them. But if I'd only had one child I would have wanted a girl (because I think boys should come in pairs like shoes, LOL). Suffice it to say I am very pleased to get to experience both genders and feel very blessed/fortunate to have been allowed to be mom to my 4 boys and my girl alike.
As you can see there are lots of ways to feel about your kids' gender!
Now, when it comes to men, the truth is, here in the US we have a pretty strong stigma attached to people wanting sons. I do think it's a definite thing, just like women wanting daughters is a definite thing, but more men are afraid to speak about it. Plus, since this is somewhat of a female-centered website we get more women on here and this skews my observations accordingly. I don't have as much firsthand experience to comment upon.
That having been said, we have had probably a couple dozen male members over the years and most, but not all, have wanted boys. So I suspect that there is likely something innate in people that does drive them to deeply want a same-sex child, even if they still want to experience both genders and are ok with having many of the opposite gender. While many people do want the opposite gender quite badly, in terms of that deep burning need some of us experience, it tends to be for the same sex child. While I absolutely wanted a boy very bad with my first child, it didn't cut so deep compared to the feelings I had about wanting a daughter. I just really didn't feel like my work on Earth would be finished without having that experience, if that makes sense, even though I didn't have that feeling at first.
Anyway, I hope this is helpful in some way. :)
No I'm not a journalist lol. That is crazy to me that a journalist would be interested in any of this stuff. I have seen this question asked alot and there seems to always be skeptics. which I understand especially where i am new.
On the question- it is very interesting to me because it varies so much in different parts of the world and culture. That's a good answer. Its interesting you say your desire for a daughter was deeper, but you still wanted a boy first. Was this desire not always present or recognizable? Or maybe it got to that point because you kept having boys and it grew with each boy?
Yes it was just cause I didn't recognize your username and that is how the journalists had approached before. Huge apologies! Just want to keep this a safe space where we can talk about all this! :)
I think that I just always assumed (since I wanted a bigger family) that I'd have a boy and a girl in the mix. So to some extent I did always want a daughter, hypothetically, but not in that "OMgosh I HOPE it's a girl" like I did with my first wanting a boy. I truly think it was more a function of just having hung out with a lot of cool dudes during that time and being younger, perhaps not being as much in touch with the important aspects of womanhood I was privy to later on. Over time (and yes, with having boy after boy) those things became more meaningful to me and important to pass on where it really wasn't as much before. Plus, the stuff I hoped to impart to a boy I"d already done that with my boys, so that gave me more room to focus on the stuff I would want to impart to a daughter if that makes sense!
It really is a very interesting topic to discuss, it helps us understand the source of our feelings!