Just heartbroken

I’ve just received my NIPT results today and they’ve come back as boy, our third boy.

Nothing makes sense at the moment, I’m just trying to process it but we have so many girl signs that I have to say I was expecting to hear girl as much as it would seem too good to be true. My ramzi test, fetal heart rate, cravings, the way I’m carrying, “feelings” from everyone around me.. even my husband came home today with a bunch of pink flowers for us to look at the results together.

I wasn’t even sure I should have a 4th. My 3rd is going to school next year so I was finally going to have space and time to work on my business and get on top of life for once. I’ll be 40 next year so it was a big call to have another baby.

My daughter has been saying “can I kiss my sister” and wrapping gifts of clothes she’s outgrown for her ‘sister’. She has two big brothers already, she doesn’t need another brother... I’m just finding it really hard to be okay with everything right now :( I am utterly heartbroken for my daughter and don’t even know how I’m going to tell her.

It would of been easier if I had some boy vibes I think. I really didn’t, it’s just thrown me and now I just feel heavy and sad and lost. The weight of this is too much. My husband didn’t want a 4th, he did it for me and thinking about everything now I did it for a girl. And I did it because I was grieving the baby we lost. Which makes me feel like I should just be happy we have a healthy baby on the way, why am I so disappointed and sad?

I feel so awful saying all this because I know when I finally come to terms with all this I’ll be so in love with my baby but right now it’s hard. I’m just trying to make sense of everything - nothing at all makes sense to me right now.

Thank you for hearing me out x

I’m so sorry to hear how you’re feeling. It’s my biggest fear as we go in to our second sway (our first one failed and gave us ds2) this next baby is definitely our last and took some persuading for my dh to agree to be honest. I know that if we have another boy he will be devastated and so will I. I know that doesn’t help how you feel, a failed sway is really hard but you have said yourself you will love this baby and won’t always feel this way.
Another way to look at it is you and only your daughter will have that special bond, growing up you’ll be her best friend and she’ll look to you for shopping days and advice. 2 peas in a pod in your family and 3 beautiful sons and a husband to take care of you both.
Take time to grieve what you thought you were having and you will love the little life growing inside. It really helped me last time to go and buy a few adorable boy bits.
Big hugs x

I'm so sorry you didn't hear girl. It's perfectly normal to feel this way, especially when your hopes are so high. I felt the same way when I found out we were having DS3. It took me a long time to get over it. I wasn't so much sad that he was a boy, but sad that I wasn't having the daughter I thought I was having. He turned out to be the sweetest, cutest, chubbiest baby ever and I'm so glad we have him. He turns 4(!) in less than two months. It goes by so fast.
I'm sure your daughter will still love having a baby brother and develop a good relationship with him. My boys only have girl cousins and they're always having a blast playing together. I think there's also something special about having only one daughter. It's that special bond between just the two of you. :awe:

It just takes time to get through the GD process. It's grieving the loss of something you thought you had. It's okay to feel sad or disappointed. As EnglishDame said, I'd go out and buy a few new clothes or items for the baby as it does help. Hugs!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by EnglishDame

I’m so sorry to hear how you’re feeling. It’s my biggest fear as we go in to our second sway (our first one failed and gave us ds2) this next baby is definitely our last and took some persuading for my dh to agree to be honest. I know that if we have another boy he will be devastated and so will I. I know that doesn’t help how you feel, a failed sway is really hard but you have said yourself you will love this baby and won’t always feel this way.
Another way to look at it is you and only your daughter will have that special bond, growing up you’ll be her best friend and she’ll look to you for shopping days and advice. 2 peas in a pod in your family and 3 beautiful sons and a husband to take care of you both.
Take time to grieve what you thought you were having and you will love the little life growing inside. It really helped me last time to go and buy a few adorable boy bits.
Big hugs x

---

Thank you EnglishDame. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me process this and provide some words of comfort that have helped.

I feel so blessed to have my daughter, I enjoy her so much that I just feel destined to be a girl mummy but here I am with 3 boys! It’s hard to comprehend but I know it will all make sense one day.

I’ve had a girls name for 12 years I’ve been so attached to and thought we’d finally get to use, I just feel like I’m grieving a daughter that I had imagined and already loved.

Maybe if I can find a boys name I love it will help me connect. Just can’t stop crying over everything at the moment! We’ll see him in a few days at the nuchal scan which may help.

It’s so so hard and brave of us to put our hearts on the line by swaying and praying for our desired gender and then when it all comes crashing down it’s heavy. Sending you any bit of pink dust I can muster for your next sway x

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ksmom

I'm so sorry you didn't hear girl. It's perfectly normal to feel this way, especially when your hopes are so high. I felt the same way when I found out we were having DS3. It took me a long time to get over it. I wasn't so much sad that he was a boy, but sad that I wasn't having the daughter I thought I was having. He turned out to be the sweetest, cutest, chubbiest baby ever and I'm so glad we have him. He turns 4(!) in less than two months. It goes by so fast.
I'm sure your daughter will still love having a baby brother and develop a good relationship with him. My boys only have girl cousins and they're always having a blast playing together. I think there's also something special about having only one daughter. It's that special bond between just the two of you. :awe:

It just takes time to get through the GD process. It's grieving the loss of something you thought you had. It's okay to feel sad or disappointed. As EnglishDame said, I'd go out and buy a few new clothes or items for the baby as it does help. Hugs!

---

Thank you ksmom, your compassion and empathy really helps. I am grieving the daughter I thought I was having and it feels like a loss at the moment but I am so so grateful that I have my one daughter, I don’t take it for granted at all and just love her to pieces. I love her so much I wanted to give her a sister so I feel like I’ve failed her :( she is so loving and beautiful that I know she’ll adore a baby brother but I am just sad for when I have to tell her and see her heart break x

Just to say that a few years ago when I was disappointed by gender outcome, and people said "when x is here it won't matter" or "I was closest to my x despite gender" I really didn't believe them. I thought, yeah, ok for you, but I know for ME the disappointment/upset will be permanent. And it really, really wasn't. I know it's different for everyone, but now when I look back at having those feelings of disappointment/sadness it feels like it happened to someone else. It took a few months, but once the feelings were gone, they were gone and they've never come back.