Having a second boy - horrible disappointment 😔

I’m due my second son in November.. I thought I was ok with it but as the date gets closer, I am realising that I’m really not :(

Everything about this pregnancy has been and felt completely different, so much so that I was fairly confident it was a girl and we’d be completing our family with one of each.
I was secretly thrilled and didn’t really want to consider it was a boy

I went to our private gender scan on my own (because of covid) and I asked for a secret but accidentally saw it was a boy and my heart just sunk.
I’ve lost all enthusiasm for having our baby now, it all seems really pointless. This sounds horrible and disgusting, but it’s true. I can now only see all the hassle it’s going to be

I adore my eldest boy after struggling with PND and awful GD with him too, we’re very similar and I couldn’t love him more. I just don’t want another boy! I’m telling everyone around me that I do and I’m excited but it’s a lie.

DH is prepared to try for a third child with a bit of a gap so I can work in between for a while despite us agreeing at 2. He is very very pleased to have 2 boys and I’m finding it hard not to resent him for it.

I have PCOS, DH is one of 3 boys (his 2 brother both have 2 girls each) and his dad only has a brother. I can’t help but feel doomed to only have boys and never get the girl I ache so much for.
I cry alone about it a lot and fly into a panic when anyone close to me tells me they’re pregnant because I don’t think I could handle watching my friends with a girl i so desperately want

Every piece of me feels like a girl mum, I feel wholly myself around girls and worry I’ll never feel complete without one. I want to love my new baby boy and feel I’m only going to be able to if I can believe there is a chance of a girl in my future :(
Feeling really low tonight!

Oh gosh yes, the symptoms can be real heartbreakers. I know it's so hard for people to believe but there is really no connection to symptoms and gender conceived.

That having been said, when you say "I saw it was a boy" can you explain a bit more about that? Because people DO get that wrong. It very well could be you're having a boy, but if you're basing this on what you think you saw during an ultrasound, that may not be the case.

The thing is, we aren't MEANT to know the gender of the baby before birth. Ultrasounds are not something that our hearts and minds are historically used to. It's hard to love a grainy picture on an ultrasound screen. So we beat ourselves up over having gender disappointment for something that as of yet is really more the ~idea~ of a baby, than it is an actual baby. You will love your new addition just as much as you do your first.

We actually have better results for sways with PCOS because it's easier to change your hormones with PCOS via diet and exercise than it is if you get boys without having it. And as for your husband, you can see that gender cannot be genetic...his brothers have daughters! There is no gene that comes into play, it's just a lifestyle thing and that we can change.

As for other people's girls, try to keep in mind you don't want just any old girl, you want YOUR girl. All those people's girls just aren't the same. Reminding ourselves of that fact has helped a lot of us move past having jealousy for friends and family with baby girls.

Try to keep in mind you get one chance to enjoy THIS baby boy, regardless of what happens in the future. Worry about the future when it comes, and try to live in the moment as much as you can. :heart:

I am so sorry that you're experiencing gender disappointment. I have been in your shoes before. When I was pregnant with DS2, I was upset when I found out we were having boy #2. I really thought I was having a girl so it was quite the surprise. However he's 7 nearly 8 years old now and I can't imagine not having him. My two oldest are SO close and I love watching their friendship grow as they get older. DS2 turned out to be the sweetest kid and was such a joy as a baby.

It will be okay. I know it doesn't seem that way now, but the pain lessens as time goes on. It's true when people say that gender matters less and less as our kids get older. When they're babies it seems like it plays a huge role because we're dressing them in gender specific clothes and people constantly make comments about the baby's gender or you hear "oh, you're having anotherboy?" But once they reach a certain age, people comment less and kids develop their individuality more and the focus on gender lessens.

It's definitely possible to have a girl after two boys. I've known women that have had 3, 4, or 5+ boys and then have a girl. It happens. But as Atomic said, please try to enjoy your pregnancy and this sweet baby you're having. It all goes by so fast.

This is a very late reply - for some reason, I’ve stopped getting notifications for replies on my threads

Thank you both for your kind words.. Atomic - I realise what I wrote is misleading, it’s definitely a boy & been confirmed multiple times now - I was supposed to say that I saw his “bits” before I could get home and have the surprise of opening the bit of paper that said so with my husband! It was such a shock, I spent the drive home in a daze. It sounds ridiculous but it’s true

What you’ve said about other’s girls has reassured me, thank you. I just hope we can try again down the line and a sway will do the trick.. I almost don’t think it’s fair to try again just because of this awful disappointment but I really think I need to try

Ksmom- thank you for your message, it’s so good to be reminded of the fact that it feels like a huge deal now because they’re babies. I hadn’t even considered that but it’s so true.

Baby due imminently so I’m trying to avoid triggers of GD and enjoy my boys 💙 I just hope I can move past it quickly this time

Also, Atomic - how big a lifestyle change are we talking here for DH? I’m not sure how onboard he might be with swaying if it’s “extreme” (he’s quite low tolerance for any big changes to diet etc 😕) so just wondering if there’s anything huge I need to know now so I could maybe try and slip some into conversation early :)