Surprise at birth, gender disappointment postpartum
Hey guys,
i really have to talk about what happened to us 4 weeks ago.
My due date was february 24th , but it happened March 3rd... the delivery of my 4th child. It was the most horrible experience i ever could think of, at the moment of delivery all hopes, wishes, dreams vanished. On the one hand there was the hope of a natural birth without any interventions like ocytocin intravenously. But it happened that i was laying there with no more energy at all and with nearly no contradictions and my baby was born with the help of vacuum and Kristeller maneuver. It was horrible. But at this moment i thaught it would be OK, when my long wished daughter is there safe and healthy.
The baby was born healthy, i absolutly thank god for it, but once the midwife gave it to me, she said, "oh that doesn t look girly ". At the end it turns out that my daughter never was my daughter, my gynecologist was wrong at the 2 Scans after 20.th week. I was totally discouraged after seeing him. I wasn t able to show any emotion after all in hospital. I had no name for him...i was so sure he is a girl (or i wanted to be so sure who knows)
It s a hard time for me , even he already is 4 weeks old. I am totally disappointed, i cried in the nights or when i had to take out the baby girl clothes i bought the 2 weeks before due date.
Its not my 2nd son who is the problem for me, its my not existing daughter, i thought of, the whole pregnancy. We talked to her, with her name..and now i have a baby but i have to think about her all the time. I am soo soo sad.
But i cant talk to anyone , i feel so guilty, my son is healthy and that s such a gift, i shouldn t be soo sad. I tried to buy him some clothes , because otherwise he had to wear girl clothes.
Don t know when i get out of this abyss.