Dream of a last child in the future. OR: To sway or not to sway

Hey there,
my second son is 1 months old, as i find out at birth, i love this tiny little man. And it starts feeling OK that i miss the daughter i don t get.
One thing i couldn t change in my head is the idea of having one more child, don t know when. My husband never wanted 4 children, which we now have - so i don t ask him know about one more in a couple of years. But my 35th Birthday is next week, so i don t know what to do for the future to maintain more fertility.
I don t know if its realistic to have another little one by the age of 40 f.e. I personally would only sway one more time - as i already have 2 opposites now, one by LE and one by LE for PCOS, i really think it is luck or bad luck at the end.
As i had my daughters i never did anything, so maybe swaying at its own sways blue for me, or my husband is a factor which i can t change - he is quite more on a healthy lifestyle when we got the boys (by the way, we only BDed once a months for both of the boys). So maybe now we are super fertile ;)

Maybe there is another Mama out there who is thinking about waiting a few years to sway (or not sway) again ? Or has it done this way already? I m really interested in storys of having another child after a few opposites and how this changed your mind about swaying maybe.

IMO swaying could lead to more GD than living our life as we wanted as we truly were and then getting a baby which is the preferred gender or not. But then we had not spent too many energy of influencing anything about it. So it is more seen to be OK as a kind of fate.

So if you have or had such thoughts or experiences please let me know :)

I would say enjoy your time now with the little one you have. They grow so fast and you don't want to miss out!

I had my daughter at 32 then a son at 41. I am now 42 and am on the first month of trying again. So I think it is possible to have babies later in life and since you didn't have issues before I think you would be fine. Sorry that doesn't help the GD question. I think when you are ready just make sure you are ready for another son if it does happen but I wish you your little girl :)

Best of luck to you

Don't worry about your age. The 'over 35' rule is really not anywhere near as big of a thing as it's been made out to be. If you have children in the past - particularly a woman who has had four kids! - the odds are very good you will stay fertile even up till over 40 years of age. Keep in mind that many of the women over 35 who struggle with infertility have never had children, and keep in mind that many more have other health issues that may impact fertility. If you're in good health overall, and we know you've had kids in the past, there's little concern that you will have fertility issues between 35-40.

I had my first two boys, then for a variety of reasons, didn't have more kids till 13 years later. I had two MORE boys, then my girl. My last three kids I had at 37, 39, and 41 (and I gave birth at 42.) It took me exactly the same time to conceive the later two boys as it did my boys when I was younger, and only 6 months till I got my girl. This is what we see with most people on this site - if we've had children before, we get pregnant easily even up thru 43-ish for most people. A few have even had kids at 45-46.

I do think that if people get very carried away with swaying sometimes it's best to do nothing, but I went back and reread your sway and you didn't give me that impression. It may be that you had a fine sway and then the cards didn't fall your way. I'd definitely do the LE PCOS Diet this time over again and be sure to exercise.

Some people find swaying makes GD better for that same reason, they think "well, I tried all this and it still didn't work, so maybe it was fate". You should follow your heart and do what you feel will work best for you.

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Originally Posted by treens

I would say enjoy your time now with the little one you have. They grow so fast and you don't want to miss out!

I had my daughter at 32 then a son at 41. I am now 42 and am on the first month of trying again. So I think it is possible to have babies later in life and since you didn't have issues before I think you would be fine. Sorry that doesn't help the GD question. I think when you are ready just make sure you are ready for another son if it does happen but I wish you your little girl :)

Best of luck to you

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Thank you, that gives me hope for not beeing to old in a few years :) And i enjoy my 4 little chaos buddies till me and my hisband (!!) am ready for another tiny one.
Good luck for you too to get your girl <3

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Don't worry about your age. The 'over 35' rule is really not anywhere near as big of a thing as it's been made out to be. If you have children in the past - particularly a woman who has had four kids! - the odds are very good you will stay fertile even up till over 40 years of age. Keep in mind that many of the women over 35 who struggle with infertility have never had children, and keep in mind that many more have other health issues that may impact fertility. If you're in good health overall, and we know you've had kids in the past, there's little concern that you will have fertility issues between 35-40.

I had my first two boys, then for a variety of reasons, didn't have more kids till 13 years later. I had two MORE boys, then my girl. My last three kids I had at 37, 39, and 41 (and I gave birth at 42.) It took me exactly the same time to conceive the later two boys as it did my boys when I was younger, and only 6 months till I got my girl. This is what we see with most people on this site - if we've had children before, we get pregnant easily even up thru 43-ish for most people. A few have even had kids at 45-46.

I do think that if people get very carried away with swaying sometimes it's best to do nothing, but I went back and reread your sway and you didn't give me that impression. It may be that you had a fine sway and then the cards didn't fall your way. I'd definitely do the LE PCOS Diet this time over again and be sure to exercise.

Some people find swaying makes GD better for that same reason, they think "well, I tried all this and it still didn't work, so maybe it was fate". You should follow your heart and do what you feel will work best for you.

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Thank you, Atomic, that s really calming to hear that there s no general 35+ rule for every fertile women. For my 4 pregnancies I only needed 1 - 3 cycles of trying, so there was no problem. My children all are 17-20 months apart. The 2 boys are only 17 months, maybe they will be best friends in some months. For my last pregnancy I thought with LE PCOS Diet and intermitted fasting i couldn t ovulate this fast after birth and breastfeeding and it was a real long cycle. My body likes the LE PCOS Diet and i ll stay eating this way ;)
All the time i thought with 4 kids i would feel our family is complete but now there is a place left in my heart. The next years my little 4 need me a lot and my body really needs a long break for full recovery. But it makes me sooo sad when my husband talks about selling all the girl clothes stuff of my daughters. I can t give it away now because it breaks my heart...but i will reduce it to a the most loved pieces. I will never know if i will ever have a daughter again, or another son. The only thing whats left is hope. I also dont know if my husband will do a vasectomy someday. I m sure that i want another one at least but what if he don t agree at all. I dont know what to do then...

In the whole time preparing my sways through 2 years i read so much about sex ratio by scientific research. It is fascinating to see how mother nature is able to produce nearly 50:50 men and women, we cant outwit nature in this point. In the end we get the children who are made for us and there must be a reason for it. HT is no option i think , its not allowed in most places in Europe and at the moment i don t want to create a child out of selfish reasons and its not sure that you get a baby this way.

Time flies and who knows if we ll know more about swaying in a few years. I ll stay at the forum for sure, i don t feel alone anymore with my thoughts here :)

I have long said I think boys should come in pairs like shoes!!! Having two boys together is just so much fun!

I think you will have every chance of conceiving in the future if you want to. I hope your husband decides to wait on a vasectomy for now!

Yes, at the end of the day it's out of our hands if our sways succeed or produce opposites. We just can't seem to get above that upper ceiling of around 70%. I think Mother Nature just wants to be sure we keep having both boys and girls no matter what.

IVF can be a good solution for some people but it's true, there's no guarantee you end up with a baby in the end. It is only a guarantee for those who succeed with it, and then for everyone else it's a very heartbreaking experience.

I'll be here if you need help with anything - either emotionally or with swaying in the future!

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

I have long said I think boys should come in pairs like shoes!!! Having two boys together is just so much fun!

I think you will have every chance of conceiving in the future if you want to. I hope your husband decides to wait on a vasectomy for now!

Yes, at the end of the day it's out of our hands if our sways succeed or produce opposites. We just can't seem to get above that upper ceiling of around 70%. I think Mother Nature just wants to be sure we keep having both boys and girls no matter what.

IVF can be a good solution for some people but it's true, there's no guarantee you end up with a baby in the end. It is only a guarantee for those who succeed with it, and then for everyone else it's a very heartbreaking experience.

I'll be here if you need help with anything - either emotionally or with swaying in the future!

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Thanks so much, dear atomic <3

For the moment i only fear the end of our family planning. My husband says incidental some things like , "OK, now we are done...so we can do ..." That hurts extremely my feelings. But yeah, now i can t talk about another child in a far future, so we are done for NOW, but not forever. Maybe i chose a IUD for him being sure, there s no accident, but in my heart i don t want it to insert. Before birth he talked to me about sterilization - i answered him, that i d never do this. I love being a woman and want to live with all my female energy and powers - probably this is part of the reason why i always prefer to have a daughter and not a son. I dont want to lose the possibility of getting pregnant. I hope he change his mind about babies maybe in a few years, when i work again and our children are older then. For me i know i want at least one more, that s all i know for now.
Meanwhile i try to focus and be thankful on what i got here and now, not look in the future. And there are a lot of things which are really worrying me: the war in Ukraine, the whole corona virus issue, the inflation...
We want to built a house this year, and this will be even more stress i think...

When i will be back at work, i will give you donation, atomic. This forum had to live on and you earn financial support.

I think that getting an IUD and leaving your options open is something that all women should do. I talk to so many women whose husbands insisted on a tubal ligation or vasectomy, who then have to live their life with a lot of regrets. And the thing is, you don't know where you will be in a year, two years, beyond that. Many of us find that after the early baby days have passed, we can breathe again and another baby feels completely possible! As long as that door isn't closed we can still consider that possibility.

On the other hand, something interesting many of us have found is that the opposite is also true - once we're past the baby stage, we no longer have as strong a desire for more kids!! There's something in that first couple years after having a baby, where we are "all baby, all the time" and the desire for more children is burning hot and strong. Once we're out of that phase, some women find they're not interested in returning to it. So by having an IUD in, it lets you just wait and see where your head is even at, without having to immediately face a future where having another child can't happen. It can be a good transition even if you do decide in the future not to have another baby.

Thank you so much in advance, LOL - without people's purchases and donations I would not be able to keep doing this. I am hoping that everything settles down in this crazy world and we all can rest a little easier in a year or two. :heart:

Hi I am just amazed that you have your children, I suppose all naturally? I had my baby girl through embryo donation when I was 43. I am 45 now and a single mother, so I don't have many options. Do enjoy your children now because each day counts.

Hi LindaLaetitia, I don't have children yet and I'm already 46. I'd say treasure your time with your children now. It's true time flies fast. Time has flown past me since I have been delaying getting treatment for my PCOS. But I'm having treatment finally now so hopefully I hope I will see myself pregnant soon!