Thoughts after 2 miscarriages

Ive been around for awhile (see signature for long history!)

After 3 years of failed IVF trying for our DD - after a failed sway & a miscarriage, Ive reflected a lot lately about our miracle natural conception of our DD - who despite being genetically normal stopped growing after just 5weeks (we had the embryo tested after the d&c). There are no answers to why she stopped growing especially with normal genetics. Possibly just bad luck.

My lifestyle had been different than before I conceived any of the boys.

I'm a fairly typical boy mum - Im a highly motivated high achiever, snacker & was always a cereal lover. High stress & control.
Very Long LE diet brought me a miscarriage & another boy - but I was too obsessed & I think this contributed to my 3rd boy. High stress & anxiety at work. This led me to try & control even more I think. I focused so much on kj & food content on the LE diet. Way too obsessive.

2022 - Im overwhelmed & stressed (but totally beyond my control), Ive pretty much given up all hope of another child. I feel like I have no fight left in me at all. I havent eaten cereal for breakfast for almost 5years!!! No prenatal vitamins until poas, & lower than usual kj with little to no snacking for months - just 2 small meals around 1000kj plus dinner a day. BD just once before conception. Recently diagnosed with depression & anxiety but not treated.
less ewcm than when I conceived the boys & still mostly acidic! it was always very alkaline with the boys conception cycles. I was also unwell when we BD.

stress with uncertainty around my career
stress with 2 special needs kids
stress with covid
stress with my relationship

Was this the magic answer? who knows? Ive experienced so much loss these past few years. 2 months later I cant even grieve for this baby. Im numb empty & broken. Ive got nothing left to give. Its like it never happened it doesnt feel real. Maybe it will hit me one day. I dont know where to go from here.

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I would advise having a check for thyroid issues and clotting disorders to rule those out as causes of the loss.

The truth is, there is no magic answer. For all we know, with your failed sways in the past you had as good a shot of pink as anyone and just had bad luck and fell into the opposites. And for all we know this time, you were even more boy friendly and had good luck. I just don't want you to get too invested in looking at why you conceived a girl this time and trying to emulate it, because a) that never works, it's impossible to emulate a previous lifestyle with any true accuracy and b) it's incredibly control freakish and part of what may have worked about your last conception is that you weren't deliberately TTC and thus not control freaking out.

I'm not following how much you're eating. Are you having 2 snacks that are about 1000 kJ, and then ALSO dinner? or are you only eating 1000 kJ a day?

Hi

I aim for a Breakfast & lunch around 1000kj each plus dinner which I dont count any kj etc because I know it causes me to obsess too much. For me this is as much as I can sway this time around. I'm not cutting out any food group this time either as I dont think that helped my mental health at all.

But the solution to obsessing is not starvation. If you aren't fitting in those nutrient guidelines, not the upper but the LOWER levels which are there for your health and safety, then you are not doing LE Diet and are basically starving yourself.

When it comes to obsessing, I have already gone through and cut out things like tracking cycles, measuring pH, all that unnecessary stuff. Yet I still like you guys to SOMEWHAT track, even if it's just once a week, because it is NECESSARY. The reason why I still suggest keeping track of your nutrient intake is because too many people end up with disastrous consequences without it. Either they don't eat enough to begin with (particularly with protein and fat), or they cut back slowly over time without even realizing it. The reason why I tell you guys to track nutrients at some minimal level is because the people who don't do it end up making themselves ill, preventing conception, or even undermining their sway because once you delay/stop ovulation, you basically have to sway blue just to get things going again.

Cutting out food groups was never necessary on the LE Diet so it's fine you're still eating a variety of foods. :agree:

I am still not too sure how much you're eating. So if you're having a breakfast and lunch around 1000 Kj (that's about 250 cals for those who use cals) you would need to be eating a pretty hefty dinner to ensure you're getting adequate nutrient intake. Most people need at MINIMUM 6300 Kj/1500 cals a day when swaying and the average intake of Kj for an adult woman is more like 8000ish Kj (roughly equivalent to a 2000 cal diet). So right away, if you're telling me you're eating 2000 kj plus dinner, that looks perilously close to starvation to me and that's not something that seems physically or mentally healthy. And that doesn't even get into whether you're having enough protein and fat!

I understand not wanting to track nutrients. That's fine, and that's why we have the option of just going vegetarian. But you can't be not tracking and starving yourself at the same time, because that's not going to help you end up with a healthy baby at the end of this. :heart: Please be very careful, I am worried about you.

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Originally Posted by kc15880

Ive been around for awhile (see signature for long history!)

After 3 years of failed IVF trying for our DD - after a failed sway & a miscarriage, Ive reflected a lot lately about our miracle natural conception of our DD - who despite being genetically normal stopped growing after just 5weeks (we had the embryo tested after the d&c). There are no answers to why she stopped growing especially with normal genetics. Possibly just bad luck.

My lifestyle had been different than before I conceived any of the boys.

I'm a fairly typical boy mum - Im a highly motivated high achiever, snacker & was always a cereal lover. High stress & control.
Very Long LE diet brought me a miscarriage & another boy - but I was too obsessed & I think this contributed to my 3rd boy. High stress & anxiety at work. This led me to try & control even more I think. I focused so much on kj & food content on the LE diet. Way too obsessive.

2022 - Im overwhelmed & stressed (but totally beyond my control), Ive pretty much given up all hope of another child. I feel like I have no fight left in me at all. I havent eaten cereal for breakfast for almost 5years!!! No prenatal vitamins until poas, & lower than usual kj with little to no snacking for months - just 2 small meals around 1000kj plus dinner a day. BD just once before conception. Recently diagnosed with depression & anxiety but not treated.
less ewcm than when I conceived the boys & still mostly acidic! it was always very alkaline with the boys conception cycles. I was also unwell when we BD.

stress with uncertainty around my career
stress with 2 special needs kids
stress with covid
stress with my relationship

Was this the magic answer? who knows? Ive experienced so much loss these past few years. 2 months later I cant even grieve for this baby. Im numb empty & broken. Ive got nothing left to give. Its like it never happened it doesnt feel real. Maybe it will hit me one day. I dont know where to go from here.

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Hello, this is similar to the other thread. I see you have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety but may I know why you are not treated? Is it something to do with your gender swaying? Will the medicine for depression affect it? I sure hope you will get better - which I am sure you can - given time - treated or untreated.

I'm not sure if this user will see your question, but I just wanted to chime in and explain that many people choose not to be medicated for mental health issues when trying to conceive.

No one should ever give up needed medication for swaying. That is not something required (and in fact I suspect that medication for depression and anxiety actually sways pink, so it's not ever been recommended to give up those medications.) Most likely it is due to wanting to not be on medication when TTC. Hope this helps, in case this person isn't able to come back to reply.