Baby here and do not feel any better

[appley]

I have been devastated with the prospect of the boy since the moment we found out he was a boy at 10 weeks pregnant (we did genetic testing). He was born 8 weeks ago and my feelings have not changed at all. I had a miserable pregnancy, I was just so horrified this was happening to me, I couldnt get past it, time did not make it feel better, it just made me more mad and upset.

It has been especially horrible for me since my sister found out 3 months ago she is having a baby girl and I cannot take it. It makes it so much harder to go through GD and especially to get over it when the people closest to you in life are getting what you wanted, for babies you will have to see all the time and are supposed to love. Now I want nothing to do with her and her baby. Its selfish, I feel terrible about it, but I am so blinded by jealously I cannot handle being around her or hearing her say "She" or "her" to refer to her unborn baby. I usually start crying whenever she says it when I talk to her on the phone, although I hide that from her the best I can. When the baby comes in a couple of months, I dont know what I will do and I know it will only make my GD worse.

I was always told that GD would go away when I saw my son, but it hasnt, not even a little. I just look at him and feel utter disappointment and despair. Since the moment he was born the only thing that makes me feel better is thinking about doing HT for the next one so I can get a girl. It literally is the only thing I can think of now. But at the same time I am so scared out of my mind of HT, it seems so awful, and I cannot believe I have to do it when everyone else in my life (my sister, my brother, my cousins, all got girls on the first shot, but not me of course). I cannot risk having another boy, I know that. Swaying is not an option since I cannot end up with a failed sway. I would rather not have another child than have another boy, so HT is the only way to go for me. Besides health, having a girl is the only thing I ever really cared about in life and I am just heartbroken that I did not have one and there is nothing I can ever do about it.

Just had to vent. I wish I could feel differently, but I dont think I ever will feel better until I am holding my healthy baby girl in my arms.

[girlmom]

i was going to do ht for a son, but there are alot of things to consider. what would you do with left over embryos? what about any healthy boy embryos you got? how many cycles are you willing to do? those are just some of the questions.

i just got my desired gender but its isn't all blue confetti and marching bands like i thought. yes he can wear blue... thats about it. other then that there is no difference between him and my daughters. we've been in the hospital for jaundice but its the same hat, same blanket, same diapers, same bassinet. the nurses don't throw glitter and or confetti, they only cared if my baby was healthy. having a boy doesn't make me happier, it dosent make me a better mother, it didn't make my husband love me anymore. it didn't make the girls any happier then a sister would have. it was just for me.

good luck hun, im sorry you haven't bonded with your baby yet, sometimes it takes awhile. have you thought about talking with someone? post-partum depression is a very real thing i had it after dd2 was born. it took me awhile to bond with her. i can't imagine my life without her now.

[nuthinbutpink]

Many of us have been there and have been sad when the gender wasn't what we hoped. I think if you are feeling really down and it continues and affects the rest of the people around you, you may want to look into PPD like the pp mentions.

HT is available if you are up for it. When I was pregnant with DD3, that is what got me through that. It was a rough time...I wanted a boy from day one and with each pregnancy, it was harder and harder to deal. HT was right for me and it gave me the guarantee that I needed. Happy to help you through that when you are ready. 6 months pp is the minimum amount of time to wait to move forward. IF that is an option for you and you are younger, try to enjoy what you have now. Fast forward 2-3 years for now, if you are sitting there with a pigeon pair, you may kick yourself for getting down so early on. You have time for things to work out and this little guy needs you.

[alreadyneedivf]

so sorry that you feel this way. I do think a lot could have to do with hormones. I was one of those people that whatever little gd I had, did go away at birth. However, that was the only positive change that has happened to me since I gave birth. I was super emotional and anxious, which is so not like me.

Anyway, I spoke to my ob and she said it is completely normal after giving birth! She gave me the number for a therapist, who I may see. However, at about three months I started to become my happy self again. I hope that is what happens to you too!!

[lightofmylifexxxy]

Dear Appley, I could not read and run, your post made me feel so sad that you are feeling this way. you must not blame yourself, it sounds like you are suffereing from Postnatal depression, and that is why you are finding it hard to bond with your son. A mothers love is incredibly powerful, don't underestimate your ability to love your son - which you WILL, just as soon as you recover from these feelings. PND is very real, and alot of women suffer from it, and are afraid to admit they need help. I really feel that you would benefit from speaking to a professional about this - could your doctor help you? You have made the first step to recovery by sharing your feelings with this the ladies here. x

[Zivic-Bubac]

Big, big hugs to you mama!

I was reading your post very carefully bcos I believe that's me in September. I'm expecting 3rd girl and I'm feeling bad beyond words. I know that feeling of disappointment won't go away just like that bcos nothing can change 'she''into 'he'
( or the other way around in your case).

If you're young and HT is an option, I'd say go for it.

I wish you all the best!!!!

[fish2012]

appely how do you feel today? i cried as I read your post.

I hoped so much my ds2 would be a girl, i was so sad I'm a little sad now still. It took a while to adjust and I hadn't known for the whole of the pregnacy i really belive that made it easier, it may take you longer to adjust you've spent to long thinking this over

focus on HT as a goal, focusing on a gender sway in 2012 helped me through the first three months of my ds2's life. now I just love him he's such an easy happy soul everyone comments on it, there's a reason this little man's joined your family. focus on whatever helps now and when he starts showing his personaility you will fall in love with him but don't dwell on it you can't make a kettle boil by watching it



Please post back we're all routing for you on here not judging at all we've been there or somewhere near xx

[Falling2Grace]

Hugs to you hun. Didn't want to read and run, but i just wanted to empathize with you. I have two boys (17 months apart). He is almost 5 months old, and the GD is actually getting worse. Outside of my disappointment with that, i dont feel i have emotional issues...but its hard coming to terms with that loss...even harder to know we are only having 3 kids (so one more) and im honestly convinced it will be a boy...i dont want another boy...i would rather have two boys than have 3...i wish there was a way to be guranteed a girl (without going broke)....feel better....i understand <3

[appley]

Thank you everyone for responding, I really appreciate it the support.

I knew when I wrote the post it sounded like I was describing PPD, but I know thats not it. This is not something that I started feeling post-partum, I felt like this from the moment I found out he was a he at only 10 weeks, honestly, I consider that day the worst day of my life, and then I felt like this the entire pregnancy, and the thing is, I felt like this even before I was pregnant, I DREADED hearing it would be a boy when I eventually got pregnant. I was already insanely jealous of anyone who had a girl, never had any interest in seeing their babies since I was so jealous that I might not have a girl one day. So this is def not PPD for me or a sudden depression or anything like that.

I was just sooo hoping that when he was born, I would feel differently like everyone claimed would happen, but I dont at all. If you saw me with him, you would never know how I really feel, I put on a good act for his sake since I want him to always feel loved and to feel wanted, since it is not his fault his mother is crazy haha, and for my husband's sake, but I am secretly devastated and cannot believe this is my life now.

I am definitely going to do HT, I have been spending a lot of my time just reading the message boards about it now, but it sucks that it is not guaranteed and it is a process where you have to give yourself artifical hormones and shots, etc. It makes me so mad that all these people in my life got their girl without having to do any of this, and now I am forced to go that route without any guarantee of success. I cant believe it really, but like I said, I have absolutely no desire for another boy, so I cant ever try naturally again, I know that.

I can vent about this over and over, but not sure if it is really getting me anywhere. It is ashame though that we all have to do this in private, since GD is not understood generally outside this type of community.

[Hobbermittens]

I know how you feel, only opposite. When I found out DD2 was a girl, I was a wreck. I thought my GD would go away at birth, but it took the better part of a year. It hasn't helped that she is a terror, and is now a 2 year old with all the 2 year old behaviors. BUT, she has a lot of great attributes, and I can honestly say I enjoy her, and I am glad she's here.

I had similar issues with my sister and her baby boy (he was born a year before my GD girl). She was always saying how cute he was, how much she loved her little boy, etc. and I could swear it was all just to make me feel bad, because she knew I had wanted a boy so badly. Now things are better, though, and I can see my nephew without getting jealous.

Your baby is still young, and I bet you have some PPD and hormones clouding your feelings. Having a newborn is hard, and even harder with GD. I hope things get better for you soon. It is okay to dream about high tech, if it gets you through these rough times! I hope you get your girl in the future.