Allowing myself to feel sad today

[NeedGrace]

I thought I had worked through my GD & GDe issues but maybe not. My BIL & SIL had a little girl today & while I am overjoyed for them! I really am! I'm also sad for myself & allowing myself to feel that grief today. I'm still trying to work out how to hold those 2 things together - happiness for them & sadness for me, & trying to figure out a gracious response while allowing myself to acknowledge my very real feelings. The hardest part for me is knowing who to be honest with & how much. People are so judgemental about GD & GDe. Anyway I really don't want to take away from the family's joy but not ready to speak directly to them yet. I'm scared I'll
say something I'll regret later. I'm a bit cross still with my MIL & FIL as they don't have a DD & have put enormous pressure on me with each pregnancy to produce a granddaughter for them. I feel that was so unfair of them & haven't really forgiven them for that I suppose so I guess it's them I'm afraid I might say something to. Anyway, I don't want the family to pity me or think I'm stealing their moment so for now I'm very grateful to be able to express my feelings here! Thanks to anyone who has stopped by to read!!

[coocoobananas]

Hugs! That would be so hard

[Son4meplz]

Life is not always fair..I know how you feel...people who have gone through this can understand you very well. Nothing works in those moments just that it will get better with time. Also, one day you will be proud of yourself if you handle this situation nicely....so just try to imagine wht u would have expected to hear from a close friend, if you had a girl n your friend had not been so lucky.

[NeedGrace]

Thank you both! I really appreciate your kind words. I know in my head how I 'should' respond & I will pull myself together...but my heart feels differently today anyway. It wants to have a dummy spit & tantrum because it's not fair sometimes!! Anyway it has been good to allow myself today to feel the way I do. I think I will very nicely explain to my MIL how I feel (after everything calms down again). I think it's better if I'm upfront so she understands if I need space as I work through this. I don't want to make a big deal or for the whole family to know but if she is at least aware & more sensitive I think I might cope with family gatherings. Meanwhile I'm going to go hug my 3 very handsome, funny, sweet little boys!

[Mum23boys]

My sister just had a baby girl after having a son . With 3 boys i was secretly happy when she had her son and then awfully jealous when she had her daughter - she seems to now have the perfect fmily while people ask me "will u try for a duaghter" Grrrr

[3boys]

My brother and his OH are currently pregnant with a girl. I cried when I found out even though I was really happy for them at the same time. I love my brother so much but I had to allow myself a little cry.

[moof4]

my brother had their baby girl a week ago, I feel that in those moments i say to myself 'this is as bad as it is going to get for me' and then it really doesnt seem that bad. If I can get through the birth day, I will wake tomorrow and it will be fine with my own babies, I distanced myself that was not the girl I was supposed to have also.

Anyways just wanted to let you know, I have a three month old baby boy our last baby. I know how you feel and if you need to talk send me a message. I have had such a great week after the birth, it has been awesome even did some girl shopping which i enjoyed rather than thought it is not my girl!

Hope you are ok.

[Mrs_P]

I really feel for you but you know what sometimes people are just nasty and don't understand. I went through all that a while ago when my SIL was pregnant just after i hit rock bottom with gd and ds3, i was so sure sh'e have a girl. She didn't, she had a boy (even though she'd spent all pregnancy saying it would be a girl and how much they'd love a little pink the family), now i'm sick of hearing how great the little boy is. My inlaws drop my kids at the blink of a hat for her and her son and my MIL has never attempted to understand my feelings, just tells me to be grateful for what i have (which of course i am).

I really hope your dh is supportive of you and understands the feelings you have, my wonderful husband is the only reason i tolerate my MIL. Maybe make up some excuse about feeling unwell and not wanting to give it to the baby and stay away from them til you feel you can deal with it.

In the meantime if you do need to have a fit, do it on here, it will make you feel better and no-one will judge x

[NeedGrace]

Awww moof4 thank you! My brother had a girl not long ago too & I handled that much better strangely. I think the issue this time may have been my relationship with my inlaws who have no DD & this is the first girl after 6 grandsons so I know they are going to be OTT & I was worried how I would take that. Anyway I actually told my MIL how I felt as tactfully as I could & since we had that heart to heart I'm much better. You're right though! I got through the birth day & now I can move on to be mega excited to be an Aunty again. I'm sure shopping for her will help me. I haven't met her yet either as they live a fair distance from us so won't get to actually cuddle her until Christmas. I'm looking forward to it now!
Congratulations on your new baby moof4! I have no doubt you are a great mama & they are so lucky to have you! I really appreciate your thoughtful & encouraging words!!

[NeedGrace]

Thank you so much too Mrs_P! It is such a relief to be allowed to have these feelings & not be criticised or condemned. It's so human to feel this way so I am grateful. As I say I don't have to see them until Christmas so I should be ok by then & talking to my MIL helped. Families can be such hard work. I'm so sorry you have a hard time too. My DH is great as well! I don't know what I'd do otherwise.