Ok so my siggy explains my story! I have 2 adorable boys and then last time after praying for a girl (it's mainly boys on both me and ds's side) I got pregnant with a girl, I felt like we had won the lottery and then we lost her at 20 weeks. Reasons still unknown. Well this time I'm at high risk and I don't know what gender this baby is yet. But my cousin just found out she's having a girl and announced it tonight and I should be happy for her but I'm just so irritated instead!! I don't honestly mesh well with her anyway so maybe that's part of it. But she made such a huge deal out of revealing the gender that it made it 10x worse. I feel like there's no way id be lucky enough to get a girl twice in a row. And this is the most horrible part , in the shower I was crying and thought I don't even want this baby if it's a boy, I just want my girl back. See awful person![]()
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Thread: Am I an awful person??
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November 10th, 2012, 10:00 PM #1Dream Vet
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- Jun 2012
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- 976
Am I an awful person??
Mommy to DS1 (3)DS2 (1 1/2)
angel baby DD lost at 20 weeks
(5/12) and another angel baby DD
at 17 weeks due to ??? (12/12)
Next option will be HT eventually...
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November 10th, 2012, 10:00 PM #2Dream Vet
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
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- 976
I didn't mean to post this in two forums, sorry!! My phone was being screwy!!
Mommy to DS1 (3)DS2 (1 1/2)
angel baby DD lost at 20 weeks
(5/12) and another angel baby DD
at 17 weeks due to ??? (12/12)
Next option will be HT eventually...
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November 10th, 2012, 10:10 PM #3
No Honey, not awful person. Just still mouring the loss of your last pregnancy. Plus add to that the mix of pregnancy hormones and your desire for a girl, it is just making it hard for you to feel the wonder of this new life. Don't worry, it will pass. It's always super hard when others get what we want, especially when we have just lost it. What you are going through is quite normal.
I hope you are pleasantly surprised at your gender scan but even if you do have another boy on board, you will eventually bond with him too. Sometimes it doesn't happen until after he is born but it will happen at some point. (((hugs)))8
6 wishing for a
Cycle 1 HRC in June 2011- cancelled cycle, no response at all.
Cycle 2 at SART start stims Oct 10thAnother cancelled cycle. No response.
Cycle 3 at SART, started stims Dec 31st, cancelled AGAIN.
Cycle 4 Donor eggs in South Africa May 2012, freezing and shipping to USA for PGD
FET- 19th July- NT (only 2 normals, both boys)
Cycle 5 Last shot- donor eggs at Genesis- Cyprus using his sperm sort, Jan 2013 BFN
FET Feb 2013BFP
Miscarriage @ 6 wks.
FET June 2013. On metaformin now for Insulin resistance. Mental health starting to border on insanity now. BFN
FET July 2013. Last embieBFN
Cycle 6 Really truly last shot- Donor eggs HRC, planned all freeze Feb, 7XX frozenimmune treatment for me
FET May 2014 BFP Miscarriage @ 8 weeks
FET Nov 2014 BFPMiscarriage @ 12 weeks
FET Oct 2015 BFP Blighted ovum confirmed @ 8 weeks. Miscarriage.
SURROGACY!!!!! FET 1xx Feb 4th BFP, HB seen
My precious baby girl arrived Oct 19th 2016
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November 10th, 2012, 10:13 PM #4Dream Vet
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
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- 976
Thanks. I am hoping it passes. It's hard bc dh wouldn't understand it , not to this extent, and my close friends and my best friend all have one of each gender so I don't feel like they can relate at all.
Mommy to DS1 (3)DS2 (1 1/2)
angel baby DD lost at 20 weeks
(5/12) and another angel baby DD
at 17 weeks due to ??? (12/12)
Next option will be HT eventually...
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November 11th, 2012, 01:01 AM #5Big Dreamer
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
- Location
- Australia
- Posts
- 262
only natural to feel like that, try and not let it get to you. I hope you get your girl.
2 cool dudes& 2 step dudes
Thank you Superior Art for my beautiful princess!
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November 11th, 2012, 05:58 AM #6
Not an awful person one bit.
I truly hope you get a girl Hun2006
2008
2010 :
2013
2 angels
Due Jan 2020
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November 11th, 2012, 07:41 AM #7Registered User
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Location
- Australia
- Posts
- 2,875
No you are not an awful person, you are a human person, who has experienced a terrible loss and is reacting in a very normal, human way. Grieving for your baby girl is completely natural. I know you just want her back and the heartache must be dreadful. I really hope that this little baby is your much desired little girl and if it is not, I wish peace and healing for your heart.
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November 11th, 2012, 09:42 AM #8Dream Vet
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
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- 976
Thanks everyone. I really didn't want to be obsessed with gender this time after what happened last time but once I hit the 12 week mark it started again :/. I think partially bc i realized I really don't want 4 kids.. And no offense to anyone that does or has more , one of my best friends has 5 beautiful children, but it's just not for me..
Mommy to DS1 (3)DS2 (1 1/2)
angel baby DD lost at 20 weeks
(5/12) and another angel baby DD
at 17 weeks due to ??? (12/12)
Next option will be HT eventually...
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November 11th, 2012, 06:47 PM #9Dream Newbie
- Join Date
- Nov 2012
- Posts
- 23
You're not awful, I felt the same way when my two close friends found out a week a part they were having girls. Felt happy and frustrated at the same time.
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November 11th, 2012, 08:48 PM #10
You're not awful!
I thought I hated my sister a few years back because she was having a girl and I was having ds2. I can't imagine how much more it would've hurt if I lost a DD at the same time! I adore my niece, she's probably my fav kid out my nieces/nephews. You're a strong lady - I really hope you get your girl! Sending you my pink dust lovely xx'04
'07
'10
After ages of praying for a sister for DD, I am proud to announce the birth of my twin baby GIRLS born Oct 31st.