How did you convince DH to try for another when he felt done?

[Junie]

Hi everyone! I recently had our 2nd son (2 months ago) and I really, really, really want a third. I will do everything in my power to sway for a girl but I also would be totally happy with having a third boy- I just want a third! LOL

So far my DH is not on board. For him it comes down to the extra work- he just doesn't think the added joys of another will offset the work that comes with it, and having to deal with all the baby stuff again. I think these difficult (or labor intensive if you want a more positive term ) years will be over in a flash and then the difference between 2 and 3 won't matter much at all.

I know many of you were able to convince DH to try for another and I was wondering how you did it? Right now DH is pretty against it but not 100% (thankfully!) and I am already starting to think of ways to positively keep the topic alive as since I will be swaying I will want to start preparing at least 3 months ahead. Although I want them at least two years apart so I have plenty of time but still any advice you all can offer is much appreciated!

[myGirl]

For us, going from 2 to 3 kids was a breeze. We felt confident and experienced, and the first two kids entertained each other instead of looking to me all the time. And you are so right, the baby/toddler years are over in a flash... my mom always told me to "enjoy this time with your boys" and I used to think she was crazy but now (my boys are 13, 12 and 9) I totally understand what she meant.

After my DS3 was born (failed Shettles sway) DH promised me we'd try for #4 for my girl. Well... time got away from us and now I am desperate for just one more baby. But DH is so content with his boys that he is done (he wanted a boy from the beginning even more than I wanted a girl! He doesn't realize how lucky he is to have 3!)

Anyway, my DH uses the money argument against having another. He feels it would be selfish of us to have a new baby because it would take thousands of $$$$ away from our boys that we could otherwise spend paying for lessons, sports, trips, summer camps, not to mention college etc. Anyone have any comebacks for that one LOL?

I don't know how easily manipulated your husband is, but for mine, he can be talked into anything with the promise of some special alone time in the bedroom (wink). That and maybe a fishing boat in the future (I told him I'm going to name the boat Strings Attached) LOL

[Tiggerian]

My OH did NOT want anymore children after DS2 - he was done! In fact, he could quite happily have just been a one-child family! After DS2 was born he wanted to get the snip, but he was too chicken to go

I left it for a while and then only recently started bringing it up again and slowly he started getting round to it again. He agreed to try for a 3rd child not long ago.

My OH will never be broody! He will never jump for joy when I announce I'm pregnant - he didn't with the other two, he certainly won't this time. He takes it in his stride, one day at a day.. He goes to the doctor, midwife and all the scan and he is always beaming with pride. But he is very down to earth so I don't expect much of him. In fact I was practically blown away when he said he "didn't mind another baby" which is basically saying "let's knock you up baby!" in his world.

[Junie]

ooh both of these stories give me lots of hope! I think I need to completely drop it for a little while at least until this one is sleeping a bit better Hopefully in 6 months time he will start to naturally feel a little differently, and then I can start slowly bringing it up again.

[Tiggerian]

My OH was open to the idea of another before we got closer to our youngest being two - before that it was a completely closed subject. He'd usually just hold his hand up and say "Don't even go there, Noah isn't even 2!"

[auroara78]

I think the idea of giving him something that he wants (within reason) always helps to sweeten the deal. My DH really wanted to become a stay at home dad (his job was treating him like crap and the pay was not very good) and I really wanted to try for a DD. So my deal I made with him was if he was going to be a stay at home dad anyway to our two boys, I wanted to try again and have a 3rd since we'd have built-in childcare. He agreed, and it made us both feel good that each of us got what we wanted.

Also, since you just had a new baby two months ago, I'd def. drop it for a while until he "forgets" how sleep-deprieved the newborn stage is. My DH had talked endlessly about wanting a 4th while I was pregnant with DD (he really wants a 3rd son still--dont know why he needs that many boys! lol) but now that we have newborn DD he keeps saying he's not sure about a 4th, and it was his idea to begin with! So def. give him time, drop it for now, and in a few months, I think would be the perfect time to start planting the idea in his head.

I'm sure he'll come around!

[Junie]

It's funny because with our first baby I was so shell shocked that I couldn't even imagine getting pregnant or having another child until he was well over 1, but this time since everything is going so much better I am already excited at the thought of three, and I just feel like DH should be too LOL. I know that we both see this time completely differently though. I think he is also just really poor at being able to picture how things will be in 1-2 years whereas I have no trouble at all with it

I'm going to drop it and just focus on making things as good as possible right now and hopefully with time he will be able to consider it. I don't think the suggestion will ever come from him but I do think that he will eventually be positive about it. Until then I can just focus on learning a bit about doing my girl sway and having fun with my two boys

[Dreamofpink]

My OH did NOT want anymore children after DS2 - he was done! In fact, he could quite happily have just been a one-child family! After DS2 was born he wanted to get the snip, but he was too chicken to go

I left it for a while and then only recently started bringing it up again and slowly he started getting round to it again. He agreed to try for a 3rd child not long ago.

My OH will never be broody! He will never jump for joy when I announce I'm pregnant - he didn't with the other two, he certainly won't this time. He takes it in his stride, one day at a day.. He goes to the doctor, midwife and all the scan and he is always beaming with pride. But he is very down to earth so I don't expect much of him. In fact I was practically blown away when he said he "didn't mind another baby" which is basically saying "let's knock you up baby!" in his world.

Are you sure we don't have the same DH?!!!! You've described mine down to a T, that's exactly how he feels about more children. But, alas, I am extremely bloody-minded and even after a year of TTC he's still onboard - well, he never says no to BD!

[HopingForPigtails]

Yup. My DH was (and kind of still is!!) the exact same. I think you're wise to hold off talking about it. My DH despises the infant/no sleep months so that was the worst time to bring it up. He loves having his two boys and is perfectly content. When DS2 was around 15 mos, we started the topic of a 3rd. Let's say even then, those first convos were not great! But I kind of had to imply that having a bigger family was something I desperately wanted- and something that can only be done within a certain time frame. I was honest with him that I wasn't totally certain I wouldn't hold it against him in the future if he was the reason I never got the chance to TTC a third. He realized I was right- and he does ultimately want me to be happy.

I am now PG with my 3rd (a DD!). He has yet to be "happy" about it and still has all of his same concerns. But, he at least puts up a happy front when we are congratulated and has started sending me lists of baby names. So I think those are good signs :-).

Good luck. Im sure he'll come around!!

[Tiggerian]

Oh dear, I have been wondering why he's always home so late.. mind, he must have 7-mile boots if he is to get from the west midlands to yorkshire and back on a daily basis!!

- My OH hates the pregnancy stage too... He can't stand me lol! Apparently I' horrid because:
1) i crave weird things at weird hours
2) I cry over everything - even loo roll ads!
3) I'm slow!..
4) I can't get myself dressed in the end (Quote: "its like having a bloody toddler")
5) I whinge, moan and whine with a sprinkling of self pity on top (mind, I had SPD with both of them, not funny!)
6) I go name-psycho!
7) I refuse to allow certain food items in the house because they make me barf (with DS2 it was his favourite cake!)
8) I can't clean the litter boxes
9) No sex for 9 months because "What if I hurt it!?" and "I'm sorry, I just can't have sex when my child is watching!"
10) False labour pains! Had a nasty one, went "ooorh" - every time the man went pale as a ghost, froze in whatever position he was in and went "OHMIGOD IT CAN'T BE NOW!" (on a side note, when labour actually did start he said: "tell him to come back tomorrow" rolled over and went back to sleep...!)

ahh.. the joys of pregnancy!