Tips for dealing with difficult toddlers?

[BabyGirl4Me]

I should probably preface this by saying that my son is my first born (and currently only) child and I was the baby of the family and wasn't around young children very much before I had him.

DS is almost 18 months old and I find that I am having a very hard time with him right now overall. He goes into screaming fits when he doesn't get his way and lays on the floor and cries for several minutes at a time. He is also very needy and clingy which makes it difficult for me to get things done around the house. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or what but some days I find that I have to go put him in his crib and scream in a pillow in the other room to keep from screaming at him. His fits make me so angry sometimes.

He is very small for his age which is a big source of worry for me. I try to get him to eat healthy foods like we eat for meals, but DS refuses them and we end up having to give him crackers, bananas, cereal and granola bars for meals. Less than ideal, I know, but I'm sick to death of making a dinner for DH and I, and watching him spit out what I try to feed him from that, and then making yet another a dinner he sometimes likes (like mac and cheese, spaghetti, quesadilla, etc) and having him refuse to eat anything I make at all some nights and watch him eat granola bars and goldfish crackers DH gives him.

On top of this, his speech is delayed. He says very few words that sound more like babble like Mama, Dada, nan nan (banana) and ka for cup. I took him to a speech language pathologist a few days ago. I was less than thrilled with her and really didn't find the session helpful at all. I guess I'm particularly baffled at all of this because both DH and I have always excelled at English and other languages and neither one of us were late talkers. I actually teach a foreign language for a living and DH is fluent in another language too!

Anyway, I feel like I am failing miserably as a parent and am being judged by DH's side of the family even though I'd hardly call any of them parents of the year. I guess what I wanted to do is come to all of you lovely ladies and see what tips and ideas you may have for me. I know I can't stop DS' meltdowns completely. When he does misbehave or get into things I use a firm NO and try to re-direct him to another activity. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. I need some help from experienced people who have been there before and know what it's like to deal with difficult toddlers. Thanks in advance for any replies. I feel like I'm at my wit's end with DS these days and really could use some help.

[nuthinbutpink]

Toddlers are tough. With the foods, just keep introducing things and it sometimes takes several tries with picky eaters for them to even try it.

Regarding speech, I have a daughter who has had and will have ongoing speech therapy. It has nothing at all to do with your education and your ability! Speech therapy is a slow process. You will not see results with one try with an 18 month old. What about taking him to a music class? We have classes here that are for mom and baby and they get to go listen to music, move and sing. My first DD really liked it.

If he is delayed and you feel like something is off, you can have him evaluated by a developmental pediatrician.

18 months, there are lots of changes going on and tantrums are normal. he can't speak yet so he just can't explain what he wants and he is too young to be reasoned with.

Structure is good. Having routines and outings to break up the day are helpful I think. Also, choices. If he pitches a fit, instead of saying No and letting him figure out what to do next, have 2 choices for him of something else to get him away from the thing he isn't supposed to be doing.

Some kids are just hard and strong willed. I think it's great that you identified that his speech is delayed and you are getting some help. I would continue that and if you have any other concerns, bring it up with your pediatrician.

[angel in a pink sky]

I did not want to read and run. I think NBP gave you great advice. 18 Months you are in the thick of it. The only advice I can add is don't be so hard on yourself. Don't think you are alone in running in the next room to scream or giving in on some meals. We all have been there and will all be there again before the week is over. You are doing great. You are thinking about him, seeking help for him and trying to adapt to his new phase of life. I always say some kids are big personalities in little bodies. Hang in there.