New here and hate myself for these feelings

[dreamingofeden]

Hello everyone and gday!

It is so good to finally post here after months of reading. I am no stranger to gender disappointment unfortunately. Nearly 7 years ago i gave birth to my first son and felt a little sad as i wanted a girl .I loved him even though i was a bit scared to raise a boy and didn't know what to expect. Being one of three girls myself and no father around i was unsure about having a son. He's a beautiful kid and I'm so glad to have him. However I still longed for a girl and swayed when my son was 9 months old. We fell pregnant and i was a wreck leading up to 20 week scan, especially after doing an internet blood test that told us we were having a boy. We found out that we were having a girl and i was soo happy, and felt so undeserving and guilty at the same time.

We had our daughter and she's wonderful, although as a baby she developed severe food allergies so i spent her first 2 years so worried about her health and safety. It just showed me that getting our dream gender things won't always be what we dreamed or envisioned for our kids- things are out of our control sometimes. She has never been doted on or loved anymore than her brother, if anything i felt so guilty for wanting a girl so much that i lavished my son with love and attention and wondered why I felt the way i did . We always wanted 3 kids so there was no preference for number 3 or any swaying involved. We didn't find out the sex and our son was born last year and i didn't feel disappointed at all. Although i had a niece around the same time i did feel a tiny bit jealous when i saw her but the logical part of my brain would cancel out the negative thoughts as i knew i had a daughter already and to not be so selfish.

I really didn't feel done with 3 even though i knew hubby was definitely finished. But the longing for one more was so powerful that i couldn't ignore it and he gave me his blessing to have one more. Gender didn't even enter my head as we started trying and got pregnant first try. So here i am currently 16 was pregnant and feel absolutely rotten and surprised that i want another dd. Why did these awful feelings of gender desire creep up on me when i love my son's so much and didn't care what we had when we started trying? I'm so confused and down for feeling the way i do. I don't think i got to enjoy my daughter much as a baby because she was sick and I was constantly worried about her. My little guy is 15 months and quite active and a handful which makes me scared even though a girl toddler is probably just as active too.

Hubby wants a surprise again and I'm so unsure if it would be a better for me mentally to find out at birth rather than at 20 week scan. I'm am so terribly sorry at how selfish i am and know i will most likely be slammed for wanting another girl after having one already- and that's ok because i deserve it and it might be a good thing for people to tell me how rotten i am. I really am so sorry to all the lovely mum's on here who wish for their dg and have been debating whether to post this or not in fear of upsetting you guys. I really am looking for some tips on how to get over these selfish feelings, God I wish i didn't even care about it at all.... Im already feeling the pressure from friends and family too, "You've got to have a girl this time"or "your daughter will be so upset if she doesn't get a sister" etc.

Again, huge apologies to anyone this offends it is not my intention and i don't really know why i long for another girl, this sucks, i need a good kick up the backside even though I'm feeling very fragile and scared of the replies. Thankyou for reading this novel!

[dreamingofeden]

Oops i've just realised this post is probably better in the gender desire forum xx

[SoulSister]

Hi, I am the same. We have 3 sons and 1 daughter. I have never experienced gender desire so strongly! I want a sister for her so bad. I think about it everyday. Hoping, wishing this is a girl and feeling terribly guilty because I love my 3 sons with all my heart. I just want a daughter. It's horrid and I wish I didn't feel like this. I too feel guilty because I already have a daughter, but I want this for my daughter, so she will have a close sister relationship. Even though I know that may not happen even if she has a sister. It's complicated

[dreamingofeden]

Oh thankyou thankyou for your reply Soulsister! It is a relief to know I'm not alone in these feelings. I hope you have a little girl baking away in there,and a sister for your daughter. how many weeks are you and will you find out? I appreciate your reply and i agree it's complicated!

[aidansmum]

If we could only choose how we feel about everything! Wouldn't life be easy? There is nothing wrong with wanting another girl, or 2 girls, or 10 boys (that would be a handful! ), the reason we feel the desire to have a certain gender is really our business and not out there to be judged. I have 3 wonderful boys, but always secretly wished it was a girl, yes, even the first one, I always wanted a daughter. Does it mean I love my boys any less? No way, I am crazy about them and would not change them for anything. There is no shame in feeling this way hun, at least not here, we're all in the same boat. Hope your green bubs turns out to be Pink.

[dreamingofeden]

So true Aidans mum and thanks for your kindness & support, it means so much to me. The heart really does want what it wants, the silly thing is my head knows it's not rational. I know how much i love my sons that's why I'm so mad at myself for worrying about the possibility of another ds. I think i just want to be at peace and content with hearing it's a boy at birth more than wanting a girl, if that makes sense?

Most of my friends have all girls and they treat my son's like the runner up prize, just the other day we were changing nappies together and one mum says in disgust " oh that's a bit much" in reference to seeing my ds pee pee And my fear is knowing family won't be as excited if we have another boy. I had a very vivid dream last night holding a newborn boy in hospital breastfeeding him and it was so real, which compelled me to post today . My dreams have been accurate for each child. I really really hope you get your dream daughter in future, a little sister for your 3 boys would be wonderful . My dd loves her Dad and I'm quite close to the boys

[SoulSister]

I am 12 weeks and need to book my nuchal scan! Keep forgetting to do it! Hoping to find out gender then. We have found out the gender for all our babies at anatomy scan, and nuchal scan for our daughter.
I just want to know so I can process it, and move on so hopefully I don't feel a moment of disappointment once he is in my arms.

We always wanted boys AND girls. We have the brothers, now we are just hoping for sisters.
Looking on the bright side, at least she will have one brother she can beat up LOL.

[Two of a Kind]

Hi, I am the same. We have 3 sons and 1 daughter. I have never experienced gender desire so strongly! I want a sister for her so bad. I think about it everyday. Hoping, wishing this is a girl and feeling terribly guilty because I love my 3 sons with all my heart. I just want a daughter. It's horrid and I wish I didn't feel like this. I too feel guilty because I already have a daughter, but I want this for my daughter, so she will have a close sister relationship. Even though I know that may not happen even if she has a sister. It's complicated

I could have written this reply my self! I feel exactly the same. I adore all my children but my greatest desire is to give my daughter a sister, I just can't accept that she is not ment to have one. My gender desire really has nothing to do with my boys ( they are perfect). It's just that I want my daughter to have a sister. Any way, all the very best for you pregnancy dreamingofeden x

[dreamingofeden]

Yes it would be lovely to give dd a sister, i loved growing up with 2 big sisters. Although she loves her baby brother now I was told by my mum that she cried when we announced we had a boy, she was a bit upset . She soon got over it and the novelty of a new baby overrode the gender. I have nothing against boys, in fact I'm so glad i get to parent good boys and am so blessed to have them . I like to think that had i already had 2 daughters and the 1 son that i would be wanting another ds

I'm so happy to be pregnant again, felt 3 was going to be it for us, so glad DH came around . Feeling very fortunate and looking forward to the rest of pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding again!

[3littleladies]

Its ok to feel what you're feeling, it will get better with time. I never thought I'd feel gd until my third & it does suck, because I didnt enjoy my pregnancy all because she wasnt a boy, sometimes I wonder why I had such a wonderful labour like I didnt deserve it, but once she was in my arms I fell deeply in love.

Hope you feel better soon & I hope you get another little lady!