Feeling sad

[Deux Bleus]

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to have a big family. DH & I both agree that at least 3-4 kids would be awesome.
After having my gorgeous 2 DS, Im starting to reconsider...

I know that I have the ability to love at least 2 more children and if I don't do it then I know ill always regret stopping at 2 BUT:

I think my decision ATM to stop is because I'd rather have 2 sons than 3.
I really never thought I would say that as I'm a strong believer in never trying to have a particular gender but rather, try to get a healthy baby.

Im so afraid to fall pg and then have a scan and hear 'it's a boy!' again. I feel sick thinking about it now.

Im so angry at myself that I have let my obsession with having a daughter get to this.
Im so angry at the fact that not a day goes by without some insensitive moron saying "Are you going to try for a girl" or "you'll have another boy''.

Has anyone else felt this way and actually gotten their desired gender, even though they never thought they would?

I guess one positive is that no matter how much GD I have after finding out the gender, I know that I will love that 3rd DS and just mourn the DD I didn't get. I would NEVER take it out on my precious little boy.

I just feel so helpless and stressed out. Its hard not being able to admit your true feelings to anyone in RL, let alone yourself.

[pinkdreams]

My heart goes out to you!!! I feel so similar. I said that I want a daughter not just a 3rd child, and I feel bad feeling that way but it's the way I felt. Finally I got to the point where I just decided I was ok with 3 boys and now I feel I am ready to TTC. I will give it my very best to sway but if it's a boy then it's just meant to be and I will have to find peace in that knowledge. I wish you so much luck in your dream on getting your baby girl, but please try not to feel to badly about your feelings, I always imagined myself having a daughter and it literally hurts my soul that I don't but it doesn't mean I love my 2 little boys any less and I wouldn't trade them for the world!!

[atomic sagebrush]

I think we all can relate to those feelings!!!

I do want everyone to know that it is totally possible to have even very severe GD, have two opposites, and come out on the other side even wanting another of your same gender! It happened to me - I actually would prefer a 5th boy now because I think he'd fit in better to our family as it is.

Of course there will always be a part of me that mourns not having a daughter but I have found that I can get most of what I hoped to get from a mother/daugher relationship, through my relationships with other family members and friends.

[fresas]

I have the same types of feelings. I understand what you mean when you can't share your feelings IRL because most people will probably think you are ungrateful and unethical or some other ridiculous thing.

I love my sons so much. I am grateful every day for their health. I had risky pregnancies and I have two, beautiful, healthy sons that drive me crazy sometimes, but I'm so happy they are here with me.

But I still want a daughter. My mother and I have never been close, I didn't have a sister, cousin, aunt, grandmother, or other female in my life besides friends that I have bonded with. I grew up in an environment were girls were nothing but high maintenance, good for housework and birthing babies, but otherwise useless. I was shamed and unwanted for being female as if I made the decision to enter the world as one.

I feel like I need a girl on my side. I married a man that treats all women with respect and equally as he treats men. He is probably slightly feminist friendly, actually. He has never put me down for being female and in fact, probably has girl fever more than I do.

We can't afford to keep trying until we have a girl or do HT. We would probably do HT if we had the money. We muse very frequently about having a daughter, but we realize bringing another baby into the world, girl or boy, is going to be a lot of responsibility so we want to go into it carefully. We are constantly asked the same question as you: "When are you going to have a daughter?" and I really don't know the answer to that.

Hang in there.

[DoulaMama]

I think we all can relate to those feelings!!!

I do want everyone to know that it is totally possible to have even very severe GD, have two opposites, and come out on the other side even wanting another of your same gender! It happened to me - I actually would prefer a 5th boy now because I think he'd fit in better to our family as it is.

Of course there will always be a part of me that mourns not having a daughter but I have found that I can get most of what I hoped to get from a mother/daugher relationship, through my relationships with other family members and friends.

I loved reading this! Thanks AS I know your little guy is still young, but do you think you'll give #5 a go?? Sorry...personal question...feel free to ignore it xoxo

[atomic sagebrush]

I'd love to, but it is mostly up to my husband. Some days he seems like he's coming around and other days not so much. I'm almost out of time too so it will have to be soon or not at all!!!

KFX for me ladies!

[DoulaMama]

I will!!! Thank you for sharing xo Good luck! Maybe it'll be an oops!...then again not sure you would like that as it favours Girls!!! LOL

[atomic sagebrush]

DM, I feel very fortunate to be at a place where I ~think~ I would be thrilled either way. I just really really feel that someone else is supposed to be here.

[zanacal]

DM, I feel very fortunate to be at a place where I ~think~ I would be thrilled either way. I just really really feel that someone else is supposed to be here.

That totally brought a tear to my eye. FX for you!

[atomic sagebrush]

Thank you!!