delayed ejaculation

[littlebrother]

Hello All,

I really enjoyed all the information on this forum. I'm having trouble with secondary infertility. My husband is 35 and I am 32. We are both fairly healthy. He is however over-weight. We conceived our son shorty after we got married. He was a surprise baby. However, I knew my husband had issues with ejaculation but before we had our son, we had the time to dedicate to extremely long intercourse to get him there. Now we have a toddler and I just cannot fathom spending an hour or more trying to get him to finish. It is honestly really depressing. The doctors told him to lose weight and stress less but I don't see him committing to anything in order for that to happen. I would love anyone's advice if they have been through this. It has been two years since he has 'finished'. After I had my son (he was a colicky baby and had reflux) I have been going on little sleep. So the most I can take is 20-30 min of intercourse and then im tired and sore and I'm done. Its honestly very depressing for both of us. Anyone have any tips to help him get there faster? I would love to have a little brother for my son.


ps. he doesn't masterbate says it cannot get him there either

[atomic sagebrush]

When I was first married it took my husband what felt like forever to get there. 20 different positions and it just seemed to go on and on and on. Yes, it was extremely frustrating for me and him too as he seemed to expect me to be super into it the whole time and like you after about 20 minutes that's enough already LOL.

I'm glad he's been to see a doctor, that would be my first advice anyway. And if he's not willing to change his lifestyle then there's not much you can do about that. BUT according to what I've read it actually may make matters worse if he doesn't masturbate at least once in a while. It may help him to learn a little more about his body and what to do to make things happen more quickly if he were to do that. Is there any way you guys could encorporate this at all - so you don't have to go on and on for hours getting sore the whole time, if that was kind of the "appetizer" and you didn't get to the "main course" until a little later on?? It may feel embarrassing to him at first but it would def. make it easier on you.

My next advice is a little more controversial but I wonder if a little XX movie going in the background, like on a computer or tv nearby, might make it easier? I realize that's not something everyone is comfy with but it may help - at least it takes the pressure off of you to have to be entertaining the whole time.

My final advice is probably even more controversial and embarrassing but some guys enjoy some other forms of stimulation such as nipple play (on him), and even...ahem...the other end, if you know what I'm saying (again, of him, not you). They sell some small and not scary or painful gadgets and gizmos that are to be used on that end, and it may just add a little extra something that makes it easier for him. Even something like a vibrator on his penis may provide a greater level of stimulation and again would at least take some of the pressure off of you having to be the source of it all for the whole time.

[littlebrother]

Atomic,

Thank you so much for all this info and I am comfortable with anything that will shorten this. After about thirty minutes he can tell that I am annoyed and starts to get soft and well we're both depressed. I think his issue is he may not be fully hard hard to begin with. So I will try the 'movies' and move on from there. I will also help him with his diet since I do the cooking anyway. Do you think after three months if nothing improves a drug like cialis will help?

[atomic sagebrush]

I was trying to Google that and wasn't sure if it would help him actually "get there" or if it just helps with the erection and I couldn't get a clearcut answer to that. But now that you mention him losing it in the middle is an issue, then yes I do actually think that would help. At the least, it's one thing he won't have to worry about any more - it's going to take care of itself, I can just see how that could take some of the pressure off of both of you. Honestly, I'd not give it 3 months before trying the medication - that will be 3 months of frustration for everyone involved and some of those tensions are hard to get rid of when they're there - my husband and I (well, him LOL) still occasionally fight over those early days and we've been married for 25 years!!

[littlebrother]

hi! my husband finally got viagra samples from the urologist. I pray this works for us because i cannot stand anymore hour long sessions ending in frustration for both of us.

[atomic sagebrush]

OH good, I'm so glad. I hope it helps! I've thought about you several times and hoped things were going better. Good luck!!

[littlebrother]

thank so much atomic. Unfortunately we just recently found out he has low testosterone and the urologist wants to put him on androgel. Ive read that it drastically lowers sperm count. The urologist says not in his case because its pretty low. 240. do you know anything about that? havnt tried the viagra yet, im waiting for my window.

[atomic sagebrush]

It can over time but I really think it will help sway blue in a short time frame we are talking about here. It will boost his sperm count at least at first since low T also makes for low sperm count.

Good luck - this may really really help you guys!

[littlebrother]

It can over time but I really think it will help sway blue in a short time frame we are talking about here. It will boost his sperm count at least at first since low T also makes for low sperm count.

Good luck - this may really really help you guys!

thank you again. so he should start on the androgel? i thought it was going to kill any sperm he had right away. but youre saying it should help?

[atomic sagebrush]

YES!

He needs some testosterone to MAKE healthy sperm. Yes, it's true that guys who raise their T levels unnaturally high do mess up their sperm, but as your doc mentioned, a man with abnormally LOW T levels needs more T in order to make normal levels of sperm. Plus, I think it will really really help with the other problem as well.