prone to one gender?

[boyshopping]

Hi Atomic,
For sways that failed the first time and people then try again and then failed - do you think some folks are just more prone to one gender? What has been the success after a failed sway? I swayed with running 6x/ week 60minutes, lost a ton of weight, only ate veggies and was exercising and eating for months like this but it didnt work. I have a feeling with another sway it would also fail - thinking I am just more prone to one gender. Any thoughts? Would you think HT?

I know I've floated around and have asked questions here and there - its just conflicting to do HT or not....but not necessarily wanting 3 or 4 of the same gender.

Thoughts anyone?

[Throwaway_panther]

While I won't try and speak for atomic, I do know that her theory is that some people are "set" for more of a gender, from either a lifetime of lifestyle changes, personality, etc. (I personally feel the man's role plays into this too). But none of this means NO ONE can have a baby of the sex other than they've been having.

I like her theory that for the people who might not have 50/50 odds, they might be say 80/20 set for boys and swaying gets them closer to 50/50, giving a more equal coin toss of what they get (since it still always comes down to luck/chance). I still feel the odds might still be closer to 50/50 personally, but after going through recurrent pregnancy loss (and also just understanding stats), some of us can and will flip that coin to heads 4, 5, 6 times in a row.

All that being said, both theories still point to chance. HT would eliminate that chance... but then you have a whole other pool of luck in that (chance you'll get all one gender, chance you won't have any embryos survive to testing, chance you were on the wrong drug protocol and blew all that money for nothing, etc.)

I'd be curious too if there's any working percentage or estimation of 2x failed sways. In my anecdotal observations, I've seen people with one failed sway give up swaying then go on to have the same gender kid as an oops versus seeing someone steadily sway and still get an opposite. I've seen way more people end up with a second sway successful (including atomic herself), which statistics wise supports the "getting to 50/50 then taking the flip of that coin."

Definitely would be interested in more. Personally, if I end up truly being pregnant with a girl after all my losses and failed IVFs, knowing what I know about myself and my husband, I'd have to make some radical plans to have a boy. But I think I'm just the queen of minority odds :P

[boyshopping]

Thanks throwaway_panther. So in the end - there is a lot of chance to everything. And totally agree that it’s the males that contribute to it all. I know it’s highly personal but what do you think of HT after a failed sway? It’s conflicting bc there are a lot of factors and it is not the natural way and sometimes think maybe it’s just all meant to be! Take the dice and roll with it. No matter the swaying or HT - it could all just go the other way if it wasn’t meant to be. And I think with 2 of the same gender you can always dream forever but with 3 the dreaming goes away if that makes any sense since 4 is out of the question. Thoughts? Thanks so much for chiming in

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes, I do think that some of us are coming into swaying more "set" than others but this is not insurmountable and even if a person did start off at 80/20 and only got to 60-40 that is still a HUGE improvement and I think most of us would happily take that. The sites that say "evryone starts off at 50-50" are full of crap because some of us simply can't be rolling at 50-50! We may have to sway just to GET to 50-50, yk?? There are things that have happened to us over the course of our whole entire lives that won't be undone in a few months.

We can't track everything. And the handful of people who swayed twice would be such a small sample size that it wouldn't tell us anything anyway (this is why I want you guys to look at the OVERALL success rate of the site instead of going down these rabbit holes where you try to find people in certain unique situations because that is just not how it works) Most of the people (thus, most of the people represented in those stats) on here have had at least one failed sway under their belts. We have had good results with both people who had old school sway opposites swaying and those who had opposites on Gender Dreaming style sways as well. NOt 100%, but good results. (both for pink and for blue BTW)

I know it's disappointing but the main reason why sways fail is just bad luck. That's all. If swaying could ever be 100% the entire human race would have died out a long time ago. In the industrialized nations where everyone is overnourished everyone would be having all boys but we don't. And women have to work hard and eat low calorie all around the world and all thru history and yet still have pretty close to 50-50 boys and girls. If there had ever been a situation where famine + hard physical labor could equal 100% girls we would already know that. This means you can have the ideal sway, perfect, as good as you can get and still get the opposite some % of the time (and this % is probably a pretty substantial amount or we would see some tribe or culture thru history that had a dramatically skewed gender ratio.)

Beyond this, there is the personality factor. The people who do the strictest sways for pink may be either directly undermining their chances due to the "control freak" notion or it may be that we come into swaying more set for boys than others are. This doesn't mean swaying can't work for you but when I see someone say "I ate nothing but veggies" (which takes a massive amount of self-control every minute of every day to pull it all off) I have to wonder how much the personality factor may have come into play. You can absolutely still get a girl via swaying, that's not at all my point, my point is just to illuminate that most sway opposites, I believe, come down to two things that are largely out of our control - bad luck and personality factors.

[ksmom]

Having gotten a sway opposite, I think that if you are not okay with having another boy, then do HT (if possible). We don't want more than 4 kids so now that we have 3 boys, our next baby will be it so I need that guarantee of a girl. I know if I swayed again and got another boy, I'd be back at square one still wanting a girl while at the same time not being able to wrap my brain around having a fifth. This is what it comes down to: a guarantee or just pushing the odds in your favor with the possibility of an opposite. I understand that HT has its own risks because there's no guarantee it will work but I feel like swaying is more risky for someone that does not just want another baby, they only want a certain gender. It is a very hard decision to make but really I know I won't be completely happy unless I have a daughter. You gotta be honest with yourself about all of this. Hope that helps in some way.

[atomic sagebrush]

Thanks throwaway_panther. So in the end - there is a lot of chance to everything. And totally agree that it’s the males that contribute to it all. I know it’s highly personal but what do you think of HT after a failed sway? It’s conflicting bc there are a lot of factors and it is not the natural way and sometimes think maybe it’s just all meant to be! Take the dice and roll with it. No matter the swaying or HT - it could all just go the other way if it wasn’t meant to be. And I think with 2 of the same gender you can always dream forever but with 3 the dreaming goes away if that makes any sense since 4 is out of the question. Thoughts? Thanks so much for chiming in

My advice is if HT is an option and you're younger than 38, DO IT NOW. ASAP. Do not sway now and think "Oh I can always do IVF later". Your odds of IVF success do not improve with age and swaying will always be here (or at least for a longer time than good chances at IVF will be since you can conceive naturally many years later than with IVF/PGD)

IVF, if it works, is a guarantee of gender. It's invasive, expensive, and it doens't always succeed; it can break your heart in a million different ways, but if it works it's a guarantee. Personally I could not have done IVF, kudos to the ladies who do, and I understand completely if it's just not something that is right for you, but if it IS right for you, don't sway, do the IVF.

What I find is the most helpful to do when trying to make this decision is to compare the worst case scenarios. It's easy to compare best case scenarios - who wouldn't go IVF in that case, right??? But what you really need to ask yourself is "what feels worse - walking away from this with no baby and no money (possibly still having the ability to sway), or walking away with money and an opposite". If you can answer that question honestly then you will know what to do. Good luck!

[atomic sagebrush]

I don't think I mentioned this but yes I feel that most people who sway twice have ended up getting their DG the second time thru. Carmella Marie and XX for Hubby immediately come to mind but there are lots of other people. The key with this seems to be switching to the alternate PCOS-type diet for the second sway.

[boyshopping]

Thanks so much Atomic, ksmom and throwaway_panther Decisions... its hard.

[Verena]

I don't think I mentioned this but yes I feel that most people who sway twice have ended up getting their DG the second time thru. Carmella Marie and XX for Hubby immediately come to mind but there are lots of other people. The key with this seems to be switching to the alternate PCOS-type diet for the second sway.

Short question atomic, what about those who were on pcos diet for their first failed sway already? Should I do the pcos version again or change anything?

6c8b58 Ovulation charts on FertilityFriend.com

[emoji170] 08/2014 [emoji170] 04/2016

[atomic sagebrush]

Do the same thing. If you give me a rundown of your diet I can tell you if anything jumps out to me. I have recently had several people who tell me "I'm doing the PCOS Diet" and then when I look at their diet, they're doing several things incorrectly.