Anyone else have a DH that just doesn't get it?

[WantingPink]

I have always wanted a DD ever since I had DS1. I want the mother/daughter relationship that only a Mom and daughter can have. I am very close to my Mom and would love to have that same relationship with a daughter. When I talk to my DH about my GD he looks at me like a am speaking Chinese. With a DD all he thinks about is teenage dating, drama, and teenage pregnancy. For him a daughter is a constant worry. Does anyone else experience this with their DH and if so how do you cope with how you feel and how your DH doesn't seem to have a clue as to where you are coming from??

[Cinss]

I can see how it would be hard for your DH to understand your GD. He needs to imagine if your first 2 kids were girls, how would it feel for him having no Son.

[Lassie1982]

My desire for a daughter is because of the mum/daughter relationship as well.
Mum and I have had our tough times, and I've had to struggle with some internal demons, but all in all she is my best friend, the first one I turn to, she is my everything.
I can't bear the thought of losing her one day, and though having my own daughter would never replace her, I can't imagine growing old and NOT have a same such relationship.

To me, having a daughter isn't about dressing a baby in pink, it's about what comes much later after that, the childhood games, the maturing relationship, the adult friendship, that intimate closeness.

My DH makes an effort to understand, and he too would love a daughter, he really has a desire for one, but no where near as deep seeded as mine.
I think he comprehends the reasons I want one so badly, but doesn't actually feel it or be able to imagine it if that makes sense.

Sometimes he has glimpses I think, for example, when we were Xmas shopping for DS this year, my DH was literally like a kid in a candy store, reliving his childhood through all the boys toys the excitement im his eyes and voice is second to none, I said to him, 'see, this is what I don't have'
He adores doing things together with DS like putting together mecanno, playing scalectrix, those typical 'boy' things that he get SO much enjoyment out of.......it was only the other week that he said to me after a lengthy playing session with DS, how much fun he has, and I said 'so can you see now why I'd love to enjoy a daughter? So that I could do with her the things that *i* love and adore....dolls, dress ups, my little pony, dollhouses..
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy playing boy games with DS, and I'm as enthusiastic as ever when I'm doing stuff with him, but I enjoy the time with him, not that actual thing I'm doing, if that makes sense.

I think when I pointed that out to DH, the penny dropped a bit more.....maybe try to explain it that way to your dh

[3boys]

My DH couldn't care less if he gets an army of boys. But he does get sad that I am so sad and that's why he goes along with all the swaying etc.

[WantingPink]

Your DHs sound more understanding than mine. I have told him "imagine if we had two girls... wouldn't you want a son to do boy stuff with?" All he says is "well I really don't know how I would feel if we had two girls but I am sure I would be fine."

His lack of empathy really frustrates and angers me and makes me even more sad that I don't have a DD. When I talk about swaying he looks at me like I want to do voodoo on him. I have talked with him at length about adopting a girl and he doesn't want to have anything to do with that. He won't even entertain it for one second. It really is frustrating and I don't want to grow old and resent him for the rest of my life. He makes me feel like there is something wrong with me for wanting a DD and not being completely content with our 2 DS.

[Mum23boys]

My hubby is the one that wants the daughter the most so i cant really comment.

[WantingPink]

Hi i know just how you feel.
You mentioned that your dh is worried about a teenage pregnancy with a girl.Let me tell you from the other side of the fence what we have endured.My 19 yr old ds got his gf pregnant when she was only 17 yrs old.It has turned his whole life upside down and now they have to live with the consquences for the rest of thier lives.They didnt see the bigger picture and now have the responsibility of paying high rent bills food ect: and looking after a baby.
I feel my ds life is ruined its not the future i wanted for him at all.He used to and still loves the great outdoors motocross boating fishing camping all the things that a teenage boy loves but now has come to almost a none existance for him as now it has been taken away and replaced with a mundane monotomous life style more suited to what an adult could cope with certainly not one a young boy would dream of thats for sure.My dh and i help as much as we can but we are seeing alot of resentment buliding up between my ds and his gf.
I love my grandchild but it couldve waited quite a few more years yet until my ds had experienced life abit more.It has been a real eye openener for his younger siblings that have seen what he has been through,so its not just the girls you have to worry about when they get older its the boys as well! We found that out thats for sure!

You would think that my DH would know this because HIS OLDER BROTHER got a girl in HS preg when he was 20. They are from a super small town and it turned their whole family upside down. The thing is I don't think his comments are logical (it takes two to make a baby), I think he is just is coming up with anything that might in some way change my mind. I think he is terrified to have a girl. He doesn't have any sisters, doesn't even have any girl cousins, he doesn't even have a niece!! So the whole girl thing is foreign to him. But instead of just saying that he comes up with excuses as to why adding a girl is a bad idea. I just wish he would say that we could do whatever it takes to have a girl because he knows it means that much to me. Just wish I had more support from DH

[Dana-Alicia]

Yes, mine has made the horrible comment today that he doesn't want a girl. He. Doesn't. Want. One. I was fuming And it's not the first time he said it. It's always after he sees girls misbehave or screaming in a high pitched voice that he makes comments like that. My sons are very calm, they don't scream or fight, or wreck things. They do typical boy stuff, but in a calm way (most of the time lol sometimes I just want to hide until the storm blows over lol). i guess my sons are like their dad I asked him doesn't he want a cute little girl like me? Well, he started laughing and said i was a nightmare as a kid. Be that as it may... I still want one. Or two. Maybe two just to torture him a little bit more muawhaha. Cause it's gonna happen, one way or the other (we're going HT in the future and hope it will work for us). And no, he doesn't understand. He actually says when i asked him if we had two healthy girls and no boy, would he not have a strong desire for a boy? He said no, he just ever wanted two kids. Ugh total bs. But he agreed to Ht to ensure the right gender so I will stop whining about having a girl. I'm happy he's willing to do this for me, but I want him to want it... I want him to be happy about it.

[WantingPink]

Yes, mine has made the horrible comment today that he doesn't want a girl. He. Doesn't. Want. One. I was fuming And it's not the first time he said it. It's always after he sees girls misbehave or screaming in a high pitched voice that he makes comments like that. My sons are very calm, they don't scream or fight, or wreck things. They do typical boy stuff, but in a calm way (most of the time lol sometimes I just want to hide until the storm blows over lol). i guess my sons are like their dad I asked him doesn't he want a cute little girl like me? Well, he started laughing and said i was a nightmare as a kid. Be that as it may... I still want one. Or two. Maybe two just to torture him a little bit more muawhaha. Cause it's gonna happen, one way or the other (we're going HT in the future and hope it will work for us). And no, he doesn't understand. He actually says when i asked him if we had two healthy girls and no boy, would he not have a strong desire for a boy? He said no, he just ever wanted two kids. Ugh total bs. But he agreed to Ht to ensure the right gender so I will stop whining about having a girl. I'm happy he's willing to do this for me, but I want him to want it... I want him to be happy about it.

Your DH and mine sound the same. My DH only wanted two kids and it took two years of badgering, begging, whining, asking, telling, him how much I wanted a 3rd that he finally gave in. He said that if I wanted the third to be a girl then we shouldn't try because it probably won't happen. I doubt my DH would ever agree to HT. All I am asking him to do is be sympathetic to what I want and to support me. It is very irritating at times and at other times makes me so sad.

[Dana-Alicia]

Sorry to hear it took so much effort on your part to get a third baby. I truly hope you have your girl in there! The only reason my DH agrees to HT is to make sure I don't start nagging again when it turns out to be a boy if we sway. He knows I'm very strongheaded and I would go on untill I have a girl. We both don't want a housefull of kids, so that's why he agreed to Ht. And also cause he feels sorry for me to grieve our daughter. He also grieves, but he doesn't think it will get easier if we have another girl. I don't think a sister for her would make the loss right, but I just want to see what she could have been like, if that's making any sense. So ht it is. But he is only willing to try once and I'll have to wait years 'till he's ready and we're financially capable. Ugh. But I have two amazing boys to keep my busy and most of all: happy.