Help - so afraid I will be too jealous of my sister

[luckyfourleafclover]

This is really hard to admit . My younger sister is due in Aug with her 1st baby. She isn't going to find out the sex, doesn't care really either way...it's driving me totally crazy! I am so worried that I will be devastated if she has a girl. My husband says I have to prepare myself for the possibility that she might be having a girl, but I have no idea even how to begin to do that?

My sister and I are very close, I love her so much and I only want to be happy for her. I have been helping her through her pregnancy, and lending her all my maternity clothes, baby stuff etc...she even wants me to be at the birth. I am worried that my GD jealousy will tear us apart as I have some friends with girls that I find hard to socialise with now. (although it's harder when they have had boys first and then girls).

The irony is that although she doesn't mind either sex, she has always imagined having a boy, and chose her boy name years ago. (she is much less of a girly girl than me!)

I am really hoping that if she has a girl, I will feel happy for her and love my niece...if I am really destined never to have a daughter, maybe a niece would be the next best thing?

The waiting is driving me mad.

Anyone had a similar situation or offer some advise as to how I can prepare/cope if she has a girl?

Thanks

[nuthinbutpink]

I was in the hospital the day after giving birth to DD3 and got a text message from my sister that her first child, she had just found out via u/s is a boy. It stung but I refused to let myself be anything but happy in front of her. You can do anything you want in private but don't ever show anyone else and certainly not your sister that you feel that way.

You would want her to be happy for you so even if you have to fake it, fake it. Anything else in front of family or her is just not right. Treat her as you'd want to be treated. One day, after she has a few kids, the tables may be turned in your favor. I hope she would be gracious towards you.

Quote-
I have gratitude for EVERYTHING that has ever occurred
to bring me to this moment.

I accept that no one else is ever to blame
for either my joy or my suffering.

The entire cause of all my joys and all my sufferings
is my own emotional response to the events of my life,
and I am committed to consistently distinguishing
between my feelings about events
and the physical occurrences of those events.

I declare that everyone who has ever played
any role in any of the events of my life
is entirely without fault.

- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

[iluvmy4sons]

My SIL had a girl 7 months after my 3rd DS was born. I was jealous that her first child was a girl. I however did not act upset or treat her any differently in front of my SIL. I love my niece and have enjoyed buying her girly things the last 7 years. Since you have a close relationship with your sister you should be able to have a close relationship with her little girl if she does have a girl in August. Part of my SIL and my relationship has been strained so sometimes it is hard to have a close relationship with my niece.

[strawberrymom]

I don't have a sister so I can't advise to that. I did want to say that I had some amazing relationships with my aunts and you might find the same joy in a niece.

[BZ94]

I actually think that the only person I could be truly excited for- and not jealous of- if they had a girl would be my little sister. In my mind it would be the next best thing to having a dd of my own!

[I Love Ladybugs]

I don't think that I am jealous over my sister's two girls, but I know that when my SIL and brother had a girl after 2 boys, I had some green eyes. What sets me off the most is how much my parents go on about how cute and sweet this little granddaughter is. She is as much of a handful as any of the boys though!

I am with the fake it till you make it crowd, and hoping that your next HT journey brings your daughter into your life!!!!

[kpmum]

I understand how u feel. My cousin who is like a sister to me had her first baby- a girl of course. She is the type of person who's had everything given to her in life and no real issues. I love her to bits though but when I found out I did feel that pang of jealously. However her daughter has been the most challenging, unsettled baby I've ever known. She is 10 months now and still wakes 5-6 times a night. Her poor DH sleeps on the couch. My boys were like dream babies. I've since realised I am very lucky to have my little boys and just because someone has your DG doesn't mean their life will be perfect.

[luckyfourleafclover]

Thanks for all your replies. Of course I have never and will never show my sister, or anyone else how I feel (except my DH).
Even though she knows how much I want a daughter, she could never understand the full feelings of GD.
I will only ever show her support and happiness, and I hope I will feel genuinely happy for her, even if it hurts too.

Luckily I can talk to my DH about my real feelings and he is very supportive.

NBP - what crazy timing of your sisters scan! sounds like you handled it in a more dignified way than I could have managed! I love those quotes btw.

[crazyladyneedsababy]

My little sister fell pregnant 4 weeks before me, it was so funny as we told each other at the same time. Anyway we both had DS1 at the time and talked about how fab it would be too have wee girls etc. She went for a private gender scan at 16 weeks and I actually hoped it was a boy, when she came in and told us it was a girl, my heart sank. All I got after it from everyone was 'wont it be fab if you both have girls' 'ah one of each would be brilliant' I wasn't going to find out and had told people that I wasn't. Well I ended up booked in for a private gender scan and sobbed my heart out when I heard it was a boy. I never told anyone we knew, I had to go shopping and see all the wonderful pink things she was buying etc. I actually resented her so much as her eldest was 10 and she always said she never wanted anymore, she made her hubby have the snip and when the broke up she fell pregnant by accident to someone else. I just kept thinking how unfair it was.

Anyway when my niece was born I just loved the bones of her and I still do. When DS2 was born a few weeks later all the resentment went and I don't even think about it now, tbh Im really ashamed of myself. My older sister also has girls and It has never even crossed my mind that they are girls iykwim?

Even if you do feel it, I promise it wont last. Just keep it to yourself, put on a brave face, smile and enjoy the fact you can buy pink

[luckyfourleafclover]

thanks - I hope you are right and this feeling wont last. I'm ashamed of how I feel too - and feel terrible to admit I even feel like that.