To have or not to have three

[from2to3]

Every since I was a little girl I wanted to have a boy and girl. Maybe it's because growing up there was my brother and I and it was an even family split. I don't think I ever thought there was a possibility I would have one of each. When my first was son we were so happy he was a boy. Though I love my DS2 very much and wouldn't trade him for anything, I still find myself constantly thinking about having a third and trying for a girl. Trust me, I feel extremely guilty for this. My husband and I always said we were going to have two kids, and to be quite honest I'm not sure if I can handle three with just my two arms lol. (My two boys are 4 1/2 and 2/12 and very active). I just always feel like something is not right or something is missing. Could it just be my hopes for a girl, or is this I sign we really should have three kids? Little nervous though because if I ever dream I have a baby, it's always a boy.

I don't even know why I want a girl so bad, I have always been a complete tom boy. I think part of it though is because I don't have a sister, and my mom and I"s relationship is not the best or closest...we are complete opposites. Which I realize could eventually happen if I would have a daughter...but I would try my best to make sure it didn't and always be there for her.

Anyways, did any of you think you wanted two than went for three? Are you glad you have three children? I am so afraid that with the odd number, one would always be left out. Left out if the other two are playing and leaving it out, left out from going to amusement parks and rides only have two seats by each other, the odd number family (seems like everything comes in 2 or 4s). Although I know I'll love the third child whether it's a boy or girl and being healthy is the most important...I just don't want to have the guilt of being disappointed if it is a boy. Also, my sons are 2 years apart, this one would be over 3 years apart...I'm afraid that it would be left out from being so much younger and not as much in common.....oh my crazy thoughts!!

Any of you have these thoughts and decide to stick with two? Did the thoughts ever go away and are you glad you stayed with two? It would definitely be easier.

Thanks for any feedback.

[I Love Ladybugs]

We took the gamble and rolled the dice...actually my hubby had the conversation just last night with someone who has two boys and is on the fence.

I have to get the big ready for school....but later today I will post more about this topic.

[atomic sagebrush]

I know people who have done it both ways. My first two boys were just the two of them for the first 13 years before we had the second three. Having three was more challenging than having the two, but I think that is largely more down to having closer age gaps - if we had had the luxury of time, esp. between 3 and 4 who were less than 2 years apart, it would have been way way easier.

You are at a hard point with boys, because they really are dynamos at this age. But you won't be in this boat for very much longer, if you got pg tomorrow it will still be 9 months before a new baby would join the family and there is a HUGE difference between 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 than 5 and 3.

I have no regrets about having my daughter and I woudln't have regretted another boy either. I think a lot of cars seat 5!! And in terms of playing, I have found my three play together much better than my two did. When there were two, they got on each others nerves all the time. But my three are like peas in a pod, and when someone is being jerkish or needs quiet time, then the other two go off and play. No one has ever seemed to feel left out really - of course it will happen sometime but it's just not that big an issue really.

[I Love Ladybugs]

They are eating breakfast...and lunch is packed. Now a year ago, when we were ttc our last baby and then m/c the timing would have worked out for a third little one to arrive in June. However, it is that much better that my oldest is going to Kindergarten and is 5.5 and the little boy is 3.5!!

I longed for a daughter with my DS2....but I know that I NEEDED the incredible ray of "sonshine" that he is to join our family. I had always been a 2 or 4 kiddo number...but I know that with this third little blessing joining us soon, I am at my max in most ways. I first came to the conclusion that a third child is what we needed....although I still longed for that third to be a girl, I decided that 3 would be the magic number!

[nuthinbutpink]

My friend is married to a man that has just one brother. She told me years ago that when they go to her in laws, if his brother cannot make it and it's just them and his parents. She said it is just very boring. Her kids are bored going there when his brother's family cannot come. I'm sure 2 kids are lovely but there's something to be said for having more than two kids when you fast forward from the little kids years. I say go for it!

[Dollydot]

Go for it and follow your heart, cos when looking back it will never feel like it was the wrong decision Girl or Boy ..

[hotdogz&boyz]

I never really truly considered "only" having two kids. But I know I was still fearful to add a third to our mix. Mostly because my first two were more challenging babies and I worried that my third would add a whole other facet of neediness. Lol. Like you, my first two were boys and I obviously wanted a girl to add to the mix (otherwise I wouldn't be here!) I wouldn't have regretted a third no matter what we ended up with. I think three is fun. It's soooo much easier than I thought I would be. But, admittedly, I think it has to do with her personality as much as anything. She is easy. Once our routine returned, we have been smooth sailing. And mine are close in age as well...my oldest just turned 4 a month ago, my middle turned 2 in September, and my baby is almost 7 months. But it is pretty manageable.

As for your other concerns...I am one of three. And I don't EVER remember feeling left out (even being the only girl) or feeling like we ganged up on one or another of the siblings. We certainly had our moments, but I don't think it was ever an issue for us to have three instead of two. My parents actually did intend to stop after my brother was born (I am older by 2 years). They had their PP and were thinking of being done. And yet a birth control slip up netted my youngest brother 4 years after my other brother (when I was 6). He is a necessary member of our family. He ties all of us together. And he and my brother are very close despite being 4 years apart. Heck, he and I are very close despite being 6 years apart. I don't think it's necessarily about the gap, I think personalities play a huge role in how they will get along.

Truthfully, if it's something you might grow up to regret, I'd do it. You will never regret a child you have. You may regret a child or chance that you pass up.

[from2to3]

Thank you all so much for your feedback! Lol sorry for the typos...was in a hurry as you all know when you have kids. *didn't think I would NOT have one of each*
I Love ladybugs - so sorry for your m/c!! So happy for you that you are going to get your baby girl!
Hotdogz&boyz - thank you, I am glad that I got feedback from someone that was one of three children! Very helpful. I have been afraid to make my DS2 a middle child - horror stories I've heard.
I have been driving myself nuts for the past year and a half thinking of all the reasons we should or should not have three...from financials to even if there is enough room on the walls for more baby pictures lol! I have read a few blogs on another website about how hard, stressful and exhausting have three is and some almost sound like they regret it. But you guys are giving me a more positive vibe! Our DS1 doesn't start kindergarten until he is 6 because he misses the cutoff by two days. So the first year might still be a challenge!
It definitely helps to get feedback from other people...especially when they don't know you and only hear your story. Family and friends can be biased and to be quite honest we don't want to say anything to anyone until we know.
As of now we decided we would try this month and if it happens then it was meant to be...if my DH doesn't chicken out (or me). Not sure if it doesn't happen we will let ourselves stop but then I guess we'd have our answer if we did want to keep trying. So...if we do go forward with it that means this weekend. I'm going to try to do a few things to sway a girl but with Thanksgiving food being on two of the days its making it hard for me! Prayers appreciated for a healthy baby if there is one....and if at all possible a GIRL!

It's crazy because when my youngest turned a year, I kept seeing the numbers 8.23, every time I looked at the clock it was 8:23 pm or am which 8.23 happens to be my birthday. I was going crazy trying to figure out if it meant something or a coincidence. If we conceive this weekend or early this week there's a chance it could be born on my birthday...long shot but maybe

[black&gold]

I knew I could never stop at 2, but the idea of 3 really worried me. People would always make dumb comments about middle child syndrome and how it's so busy. Well I'm due with #3 any day now and I am so confident it was the right decision. My boys are best buds, and I am so excited for them to have another sibling to add to the mix (we don't know gender). My DH is a family of 2 with just him and his sister and he always wishes he'd had a brother or another sibling. I'm from a family of 3 kids but my brother is mentally disabled from an accident as a baby so he'll never marry of have kids. It's just my sister and I and I often wish we had one more sibling who was married with kids! Everyone I have spoken with has told me that baby #3 was the easiest addition and I am really hoping that's the case. I haven't really had much negative feedback aside from the middle child stuff, but I'm aware that it "can" be a problem so I will make sure it doesn't happen. Just like if your doctor brings up a potential health concern that could come along.. you'd watch out for it.. so knowing it can sometimes happen.. we will always be mindful of him to make sure he's never left out. He totally has my heart stolen right now though so I can't even fathom him feeling not loved!!! I think if you're considering it.. you need to go for it. You'll never regret the baby, but you could regret not having one! We were on the fence for many months and the fact we were so unsure and couldn't decide made us realize we just had to do it because we obviously didn't feel fully finished!

[purplemonkey]

I used to work for a lady years and years ago(before I married and had my own kids) She and her dh had two little girls. Well we went to the wedding of the youngest dd last summer and I had a chance to chat with my friend and while we were talking kids careers etc, she said that her biggest regret was not having a third. She said that she and her dh had toyed with the idea of a third when her youngest dd was about 3. He wasn't really into the idea of a third and since she had had a difficult pregnancy she went along with the idea of not adding to their family. I have four kids and she is a successful Dr., she has a big house, takes fancy trips, but she told me that she is jealous of my family, she said that not having a third child was her biggest regret. So I say, if you are thinking about it and not sure about being done at 2, go for it. Like the others have said, you'll never regret having another child. Good luck!