Am I the only weirdo

[wannabowbaby]

to get gender disappointment when I got what I swayed for?

Let's roll the calendar back a few years... I was pretty sure I was having a boy, but excited either way. U/S rolled around and we had the classic hamburger shot. Okay, no biggie, girl. Oooooh pink frilly stuff!!! We agreed that we would try again for a boy in a few years. If #2 was a boy, we would quit. If #2 was a girl we would wait a few years and try for #3. We were certain we were quitting after #3 no matter what.

(In this intervening space my mom went to court and took our daughter based on a laundry list of lies about us. Kinda helps when your cousin is a judge unfortunately)

So when DD was 2 and a few months, we started TTC, and swayed boy with timing mostly, and a bit of diet changes. I had put on a lot of weight while nursing DD and while on the Mirena, add in stress eating because of the court crap and it wasn't too hard. All my symptoms were polar opposite of those with DD, so I figured we had succeeded. Then16w U/S rolls around and the tech says girl. I spend 3 days completely broken, but eventually come around to the idea of a 2nd girl. Sisters, matching outfits, bows, etc. We named her. Called her by name. Had multiple U/S at docs office because he preferred to check heartbeat and growth that way vs doppler and fundal height.

Birth day rolls around, push baby out, and doc says "You had a boy!!!" and I'm all, uh, NO I DIDN'T!!!. And he held my son up. And I cried.

I caught a lot of hell for my gender disappointment then. But honestly I felt like I was mourning my daughter. I felt like my daughter had died and someone had given me this boy instead. Sure, I loved him, but I missed her.

That disappointment was a huge part of why I refused a tubal. I wanted that 2nd girl. So when I got preg with #3, I was hopeful but not all that optimistic. All my symptoms seemed to echo those of my son. And I was right. 22w U/S confirmed boy. And again I cried. Not as much, and I came around quickly, but I still refused the tubal despite doc pressuring me. I still want a girl for ME to raise.

Now... Now we're buying our tickets for the TTC train again. And I'm terrified. I'm swaying girl, starting early (read now) for an April/May TTC attempt. I'm so afraid that I will have a 3rd boy just like my grandma and my MiL... I hate myself when I feel that disappointment over a healthy baby, but it happens anyway.

[atomic sagebrush]

Not at all, there are many many of us who go into a pregnancy with no gender preference or even a preference the other way, who either due to symptoms/dreams/instinct or bad ultrasound techs end up convinced we are having the other gender and end up being very very disappointed - it does almost feel like someone "stole" the baby we thought we were having and replaced it with a changeling.

[wannabowbaby]

A changeling. That's exactly the feeling. Although he looks like a clone of my hubby so there's no denying him LOL

[Makali]

You're not weird, chick. Look around you the site is swarming with women who prefer one gender over another because it caters for these women. I know, a lot of parents (not most, but *a lot*) do have a gender preference and I think that's perfectly normal. I think most of them are afraid to admit it as society tends to frown on such revelations because:

A) There are many women out there who can't even get pregnant naturally and would kill to be lucky enough to conceive. So, when they come across a woman who sounds so ungrateful and unappreciative of something that takes other women/couples a turmulous, painful, and expensive journey to achieve as well as intrusive surgical methods to maybe get a fraction of that experience, they take great offence.

B)Some pregnancies end in miscarriage or stillbirth and others are ones in which there are major problems with the fetus, and it seems very insensitive to someone who has suffered loss, to listen to a woman get picky about whether their healthy child has a penis or a vagina.

C)Then there are the self-righteous, self-appointed intermediaries of morality who go around looking for things to be offended by on the internet and put others down just to feel good about themselves.

Just because a woman has a gender preference or goes through a gender disappointment doesn't mean that she doesn't or will not love her baby regardless of it being a girl or a boy. It doesn't mean that she is ungrateful, weird or doesn't appreciate the health of her baby/babies to the full. I don't subscribe to women being made to feel guilty because they might prefer to have one gender over another as this is how they feel and they can't help it. Having the testicular fortitude to be able to discuss it publicly with potentially likeminded people is healthy and therapeutic. Furthermore, if they do conjure up the honesty to voice that they're hoping for one over the other, they shouldn't have to make a disclaimer the end of it every time "b-b-but I'm prefectly happy with whatever, as long as the baby is healthy!"

Of course that's what every parent wants! It goes without saying and need not be explained for others approval. The first and foremost thing for any parent is a healthy pregnancy and baby and stuff like the gender falls in the periphery. It's just that once a healthy pregnancy has been established, it's normal for parents to start thinking of more trivial things like 'Oh my god, I hope he/she isn't ginger!" or "Lets just hope he/she doesn't get your nose!" or "Good Lord! We're not naming him Todd!" etc.. Likewise, it's okay for women to feel free to talk about gender preference if they have one without the fear of being judged.

Sorry to hear about the court incident and hope that everything works out.

Judging people for having gender preference is like judging people for having dinner parties because there are others who are suffering from famine.