DH won't try again!

[Me+4]

I feel utterly desperate! We have 5 boys ( the 5th was a failed sway). I begged to try for a 6th and DH reluctantly agreed but sadly that resulted in a miscarriage at 7 weeks back in July. He is now adamant he doesn't want another child and had booked his vasectomy. I can't talk to anyone about this and I feel full of emotions that I have to surpress. I don't know what to do. I feel devasted about the daughter I'll never have and the pregnancy that I thought I would have. What to do???

[atomic sagebrush]

OH no I'm so sorry to hear this...correct me if I'm wrong but won't most doctors refuse to do a vasectomy if the wife does not agree to it??

I don't have much advice but just to give him as much time as you can without putting too much pressure on him. Husbands often do come around but only over time and without pestering them too much - they're kinda like mules that way LOL.

I will keep you in my thoughts and that he does come around or at the least, is willing to postpone the permanent solution for awhile to allow you the time you need to come to grips with it.

[BrightSky]

Seems a bit hasty for him to go from going to trying for a baby to booking vasectomy, maybe ask him to postpone and think about it a bit? Do they provide councilling before he does it, it's such a big thing, I'm not sure how hard they r to reverse, but you would want to be really sure as a partnership before proceeding. Is HT an option for u for a baby girl? Good luck xx

[Me+4]

Thank you atomic and brightsky. He booked himself in after I found out I was pregnant with our 5th as it's a years waiting list. Add I won't be there at his appointment there is no way they would know I'm against it. He had the audacity to say this morning that I am sulking trying to get my own way! He doesn't understand the utter sadness I feel about the pregnancy I am not going to have and the daughter I will never meet. I guess I'll just have to be patient and pray he comes round. It doesn't feel very likely at the moment. I feel like I'm keeping my devastation bottled up. I worry about when the lid comes off... : (

[Claire33]

Any way for you to go HT?

[Me+4]

We discussed it last time but he felt it was unnatural but he agreed to a sway which obviously failed.

[Claire33]

I understand that it is unnatural but then again, does he want an unhappy wife..?

[netti02]

Im am in the same boat me+4. I lightly swayed for the 5th as i was adamant it would be a girl and i had seen a psychic too. Well it was boy no5 and I thought i was done before he was born but now hes here im not done at all. My dh knows i want another and im just giving him time atm. Our 5th boy was born in July so a little break would be ok even though ive had my last 3 boys close together.

Hes talked about getting a vasectomy but he has little motivation to organise things unless im doing it for him so im remaining lazy on that one 😂

Maybe give him a little space or have a heart to heart.


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[Me+4]

Number 5 has just turned one. I've had them all really close together. This is the biggest gap. We haven't spoken at all since the discussion on Friday. I don't want to guilt him into having another but I'm totally devastated. I feel like he had been forcing the issue by booking his vasectomy! I really tried to be "done" after the 5th but I can't help the way I feel- same as he can't help the way he feels. But who wins? Sites someone have to give in? And what about the resentment from either party depending on which way out goes? And there is no one either of us can talk to about it. My girlfriends understand up to a point how I feel about not having a daughter but to have 6th...everyone would think I'm nuts!

[babynumber3]

I feel ur pain... I so desperately wanted a boy after my 2 Dd that I spent 3 years every day praying/ researching/ 2 Pgd attemps that failed and then finally a sway that worked. My DS is my world and nothing mattered but getting my DS.... U should not give up but u should not see HT as unnatural it is a means to getting ur Dd. don't give up.... I personally would have even adopted a DS. U r very lucky boys r so amazing... The love I get of him I never got of my Dd,s lol! I'm actually quite envious wen I see mums with boys... Imagine how pampered u will get from your 5 boys wen they r older. U will always be the first women in their lives and I like to think boys r always mummy's boys! X ps I'm back on here as really want another DS although dh said no... But im very very fortunate I have both genders but can't help how I feel....