Need advice on when to announce...& minimize STUPID gender comments

[Cinss]

You may be thinking too much about what other people will think... who cares, it's your pregnancy, your baby, your family, your feelings. I agree with NBP, honesty will set you free, when and how much you want to tell is up to you.

[Princess of Pink]

I have always been honest with everyone that I was desperate for a boy but thrilled with my girls. I don't care what people think. Most people with one gender feel the same even if they don't admit it.

[applesoup]

I feel like honesty is never an acceptable answer on this website or in-real-life because, no one IRL admits to having a desire. IRL people always respond with, "oh, as long as it's healthy." Or people with PP respond IRL, "why would you even care or be sad?" (Because, they never spent a day in their life hoping or being sad...point in case: my mom) Being honest about it opens me up for more criticism. Judgment. And now? I have boys who can hear my response---just because I desire a girl, doesn't make them any less important. It doesn't make them another boy on my way to a girl.

At the same time, I've resorted to being honest. I was honest about my disappointment with DS2 with MY family & they responded with criticism that I would or could even feel that way. I responded with honesty after DS3 was born in a very pointed blog about my desires, & they responded with silence, criticism that I'd lied that we were done, & were unable to see it my way.

Although, this is the first time I've been honest with the general public & it's kinda shut them up. Told a GUSHING BBG mom the other day (who was SO excited she "got her girl") that I'd always wanted a girl...after she asked. Shut her up. Told the stupid dentist nurse that I was hoping for a girl, & it ended the conversation. Told my OBGYN today that on some level I really wanted someone to even out the testosterone & to have that relationship...she stopped asking questions about it. So, maybe honesty is all the general public wants to hear.

Decided to announce pregnancy + gender in 2 weeks when I find out. I've done my best not to care what other people think about me this pregnancy, but it's been SO MUCH EASIER dealing with my GD since I haven't had to listen to the comments. So I don't care what they think...but it still affects me. Does that make sense?

Princess of Pink, you have it right: "Most people with one gender feel the same even if they don't admit it." Only recently did I realize this!

[auroara78]

Applesoup, I hear you. Make sure to let us know when you find out what you're having! And I really think doing a two punch at the same time is good: "We're having a _________" lets people know you're preggers plus what it is, so they won't question you a dozen times.

It used to bother me when people assumed I wanted a girl after two boys and I used to try to justify that I'd love a 3rd boy just as much, but now I just roll with the punches. I work in a library with tons of college students in and out, and I have pix of my boys on my desk. They ask "you want a girl next?" and now I just say "yep" they smile and we all move on. I used to give a speech about how a boy would be fine too, becuase I was trying to CONVINCE myself that it'd be FINE!

[fivebabies]

I think you made the right choice applesoup! People can be so obnoxious! Can't wait to hear what you have and their reactions!

We're not going to find out next time...which KILLS me! But I don't want to tell anyone if we do find out and DH canNOT lie to save himself and would spill the beans.

Good luck! When's the big day?

[Muls]

I just found out on Thursday that my swayed for and dreamed of baby was DS4. I told no-one we were having the scan so we could work on our feelings before we told anyone. We decided to be honest and said it's another boy, questions came fast 'are you disappointed' I answered yep would've been nice to have a girl just once and people were nice. I had lots of comments like 'as long as it's healthy and well you won't have to buy anything. Everytime one of these comments were made I ended the conversation by walking away and talking to someone else. The people that make these comments whether they be family, friends or strangers pretent to be high and mighty about you should be happy to get what you get but most of the time they really do want us to get our desired gender.
Good luck with your bub fingers and toes crossed for you and I hope that you get to scream from the rooftops that you are getting the gender you desire rather than pondering the way the silly quesions and comments will make you feel as I am.

[applesoup]

Muls, I'm so sorry to hear about your disappointment. Its true, even when we're honest, family/friends/general public want to "solve" our feelings right then and there. I don't know why they think "being happy for what we have" is the answer. OF COURSE I'm thankful for my children, it doesn't take away my desire and pain for a girl. I hope you can heal quickly & everyone can leave you alone about it!

Fivebabies, I just scheduled my 18 week appointment for...can't find my calendar! It's in 8 days. SO excited that I can find out early. SO excited that no one knows (although, I did tell my mom because she called me out on it). It's still on my terms & I really think just announcing "I'm pregnant & it's a __boy__" will put a stop to a lot of the questions.

Hopefully, instead of stupid gender comments, they'll wonder why I took so long to announce & if they had something to do with it!

[fivebabies]

Yay! I'll be checking back in to see what you find out so don't forget to update ASAP!!!!!!!! Fingers, toes and eyes crossed that you hear GIRL!

[Muls]

Thanks applesoup, I am disappointed that I won't get my girl naturally but I will get her (pgd will be happening) .
Fingers crossed you don't have to worry about your annoucement as you will be screaming IT'S A GIRL - well that's my wish for you.
Have fun looking at your bub regardless

[begonia]

I feel like honesty is never an acceptable answer on this website or in-real-life because, no one IRL admits to having a desire.

You don't feel like it's OK to be honest here? Or am I misunderstanding? I'm not trying to disagree because how one person feels is entirely personal to them and neither right nor wrong, but personally I do feel like it's OK to be honest here. I've been brutally honest and have never felt less than supported, thank goodness ... I know the GD boards aren't always so kind.

I absolutely agree that it *feels* like being honest IRL isn't "ok" though it sounds like you've gotten over that lately, and I think that is great! I will say I've also been surprised at how many of my friends have been honest with me about their gender desire too. Most did get what they wanted though, at least with one of their pregnancies. My BFF sadly is like me and never got what she wanted, and while I hate that for her it is nice to have someone IRL understand. The worst though is when someone is like, "oh I know, I reeeeeally wanted a boy but thank goodness I got him!" OUCH, LOL! I mean, thanks for the empathy ... I guess?!? Generally people mean well I think.

Applesoup I'm really rooting for you and hope you get to come back here and post all over the place about this being your girl! FX! Only a week left, oh my goodness!