When is it time to switch gears?

[Mycharleygirl]

Yesterday my Dh and I found out our second ivf cycle failed. Imean I guess we could keep going forever if finances would allow. But at some point I have to say maybe this isn't the ultimate plan for us.
Here is a little history. We had many many complications conceiving and than remaining pg with our last two boys. So when we had ds#3 we turned immediately to adoption. This was fraut with heartache from day one. The search was so hard just to find an agency that wouldn't judge us and who worked in NY. Do believe NY has OTHER laws that make it harder to adopt then in most of the other fifty United States. So while there are plenty of agencies letting you chose they don't work or are not liscinsed in the state of ny. Great!!! Fast forward a few months and I found one. Just by accident really. So we immediately signed up to work with them. We had all our paper work in and hs was complete in a few short months. But it took several months for us to be profiled. That was agonizing you feel you are sitting on the edge of your seat just waiting. That's where we have been since the day we signed on two years ago. This past summer we took a break from the adoption journey and explored the ivf option. In my heart I felt I failed. I knew we were meant to adopt. Something in me knows. I can't explain. My Dh was harder to convince. But I see a future with our daughter I really do. I know I have this need for a dd for some reason. I just don't know what that is. She is on my heart for a reason I have to keep believing in that. Everyday I say to my Dh I wish I could just feel like I am content like our family is complete but I can't help wondering if I am not supposed to. That I am not supposed to because we have to keep searching for her.
At some point though when do you throw in the towel? I mean I take care of my family and we are happy but I feel like something is missing and keeps me from feeling totally fulfilled. I keep wondering if I am taking something of myself away from all of them. It's so hard to give up and say we failed. Or we give in and say I don't need this anymore. But I do. So where do I go from here? Do we continue on with trying to adopt or try ivf for a third time? Adoption feels more right to me ivf feels more right to Dh. I am just so confused. I just want this to happen

[nuthinbutpink]

I am so sorry you are struggling.

What complications did you have conceiving? I wonder if that is why IVF has been hard.

I think your RE didn't do the best he could. I think you could consult with another RE now armed with past cycle data(you need to get your records) and see what a doctor thinks. If you can focus on either IVF or adoption and go full steam ahead, go for it.

[Mycharleygirl]

We (I) have severe uterine scarring from what we don't really know. My obgyn( who I luv) discovered it when it took us so long to conceive (4yrs). But when we went to cny they did several tests and said they saw no evidence of scar tissue. So idk. But with ds#3 we had a severe complete previa that my ob attributed to the scarring. Hence no where for the placenta to attatch. I'm not sure the scarring is totally gone I can't imagine it just miraculously disappeared. But who knows. In my heart I feel more at ease with adoption because in a way there is no health risk as far as I am concerned.

[Navywife620]

I don't think anyone but you and your hubby can really tell you to switch and go for adoption. I don't know what kind of faith you have but my only advice is to pray about it and as God to lead you in the direction you should be taking. Wish you the best of luck!