How do you tell people gender when you're struggling with GD?

[Zivic-Bubac]

For me the gender desire came from others' comments. It wasn't til then that I started feeling like I'm lacking something cause I don't have a good mix.

I think my feeling of lacking something was completely conditioned by my up-bringing and culture. It is not about having the mix, it's ALL about having boys. If you have only girls, you're failure and lesser mom.

It took me quite a while to realize that ( at least one reason) I want boy(s) bcos I was raised to want them and I want to be good enough and I want approval.
Now I sincerely think that I'm probably meant to be a girl mom and another girl would fit better logistically and I have all clothes she'll ever need during childhood LOL! But maybe it's bcos I wanted a boy so long or because I'm still considered like a lesser mom in the eyes of society - I do want a boy BADLY. How messed up am I?

[auroara78]

I just told a stranger at the mall what I'm having after she asked how many boys/girls I have. when I told her I have 3 boys and this one is a girl she said "Oh that poor girl! With all these big brothers she doesn't have a chance!" There you go.....nothing is ever perfect!!!!!

I can't believe this! LOL, one never can win, can they?

[Waiting4Daisy]

With DS3, we found out at 16 weeks and I just didn't tell anyone. I played Team Green and posted his arrival on facebook with a pic and I got the loveliest comments. People that know me absolutely adore my boys and think I'm so lucky, it's only douchey strangers that say a few crappy things although they are not usually too bad. I always say, my baby is a boy, we are so lucky to have three wee princelets, and no one says anything bad! If they do, I just think they are jealous their kids aren't as cute as mine!

[begonia]

ITA Waiting4Daisy .... the people who know us and our girls well are so happy for us to have another child and have been nothing but lovely about it being girl #3. My close friends surprised me with a lovely shower (no pink, LOL) and were so wonderful talking about how fun it is going to be to see our third daughter, given how interesting and different our 1st two are

But when it comes to telling perfect strangers like cashiers at the store or people who don't know us as well ... that's where I find I usually get the shockingly rude/ignorant commentary. I've gotten a much thicker skin the past few months; mostly I figure people aren't intentionally being rude (and after all, I am sensitive to it because it wasn't my dream family either) and I try to let it go.

[NYFamilyOfFiveRoses]

OMG, if someone said that to me, I think my eyes would turn black and tiny horns would come out of my skull, and it would be open season for a ****** of expletives to erupt from my mouth.

But everyone here has great advice, and that fact is, people gotta say something. Whether it's from a place of ignorance or just wanting to chat or from having dealt with GD themselves, who the heck knows, but I firmly believe that stupid people need to be shut up, so I am all for the good comeback, like DM said! I would have a snappy, bitchy one and a kind but firm one for the grannys and such.

I got this one also 3 girls and no boys? It was from a senior at the JCC. I liked her so much when DD1 and her grandson were in preschool together. After her comment, I realized I did not like her at all. I came back and said "oh no he is happy". Meaning my husband. Then she just said "I know, I know".

[NYFamilyOfFiveRoses]

I think my feeling of lacking something was completely conditioned by my up-bringing and culture. It is not about having the mix, it's ALL about having boys. If you have only girls, you're failure and lesser mom.

It took me quite a while to realize that ( at least one reason) I want boy(s) bcos I was raised to want them and I want to be good enough and I want approval.
Now I sincerely think that I'm probably meant to be a girl mom and another girl would fit better logistically and I have all clothes she'll ever need during childhood LOL! But maybe it's bcos I wanted a boy so long or because I'm still considered like a lesser mom in the eyes of society - I do want a boy BADLY. How messed up am I?

You are not considered a lesser mom by no means. I just think it is just that we do not have both. I have 3 daughters. But say we had 2 sons or 3 sons, then we would want a daughter so bad.

Honestly, I think that if you have 2 boys or 2 girls though, the comments are MUCH LESS and life is easier to handle comment wise. I did not get it so much with 2 daughters. When I did, it did not get to me like it did when pg with dd3. Once you get to that #3 the PRESSURE is NUTS. Like the saying 3 strikes and your out. That is what society thinks. By the 3rd time is your chance for that girl or that boy. And that is also why for the 3rd if it is the opposite of what you have they say "finally".


I just noticed on your siggy that you are pregnant. Good luck to you. It will all work out.

Sorry if I rambled.

[NYFamilyOfFiveRoses]

We officially found out yesterday about DD3. I told 3 of my BFFs because all 3 of them know me well enough to know that 1) I wanted a son and always have, and 2) I adore my girls and my disappointment will not impact how I am with DD3. They know me well enough that when I cried (fine, full out sobbed) they just hugged me and reminded me God finds my family perfect, and that's all that matters. I'm working on finding it to be perfect myself, but in the meantime I keep reminding myself that He doesn't see my 3 girls as anything less than perfect, or me for having them.

SO anyhow ... I had to tell a non-close-friend today because she said "I'm so excited to hear it's a boy for you in 4 months!" ... I can't handle hearing that for the next 4 months. So I just said "well, you won't, we found out yesterday it's a girl." And she said "oh, I'm so sorry!" I know she meant sorry for her comment, and not for the baby, but it was hard to hold it together. I just awkwardly laughed and said (my girls were both with me) that we were thrilled to have a third healthy child.

Tomorrow I go to DD2's preschool and know I'm going to be running into loads of moms/teachers I know well (DD's elementary school I'm still fairly anonymous) and I don't know how I'll do having to break the news. Did anyone else struggle with that? How did you tell people without revealing your own disappointment?

It totally sucks too, because I know if we were having a boy we'd be screaming it to total strangers. But because it's yet another girl we (and others) struggle to celebrate it. I hate that; I blame some of it on the pressure to have one of each ... I mean if I'm honest that's why I swayed, to AVOID having 3 of a kind. So I get why people don't celebrate it, I totally do, but I wish they (and I) could be as excited as if we were having a DS.

I went through all this when pg with DD3.

I also thought if it were a boy I would be screaming. But even when we get exactly what we want it is not always like we may imagine. I also had and have in my head that life and comments would be so different with a son.

But as you can see from other posts the comments go on.

The main thing is if we feel insecure and not happy with the gender we are having, it makes it so difficult to play it off with others that we are so happy.

I learned early on when pg with DD3 how the comments came. I did not go out much when pregnant and when I got a comment from places I had to go to I just said "I am blessed with a girl". I got jaws dropping and like OOOh, OOOH said.

Like another post said, the comments lessen when the child gets older.

You get less comments once they are more grown and it is not all about what you had.

Hope I helped. I am still struggling myself, but I notice I am finally getting more strength after 19 months.

Good luck to you.

[AshHernandez86]

Just found out today we are having DS #5....ecstatic even though I thought I'd be disappointed! Man, God sure makes miracles and he has blessed us with this beautiful son! We are sooooo excited!!!