TTC Girl - February 2012

[littlemissnaughty7]

thanks for clearing all that up about the ramzi and side of ovulation pain thing i thought they were linked but it seems there not,

[prayforprincess]

I am in such a mood. I don't understand why I am doubting myself so badly. I feel I am totally pregnant it is just a matter of days before my bfp. Maybe I am not, but I would be surprised. And it feels so final. Like I will not even be that excited when I see the bfp because I know it is over, done, finished. I can't go back and change anything -- and if its a boy I need to accept that my dream will never come true and I don't know how to do that. Its like I don't want to know because I want to keep alive the hope that maybe one day I will have my daughter. Once I know, I will either be overjoyed beyond what any words can describe; or completely crushed knowing I will forever have a missing piece of myself. I love my boys more than words can say, but I will always hold a piece of me that will wonder what she looked like, how much she would have changed my boys and my husband and how much she would have just completed my life in a way no other can. I know you know what I am talking about -- it has nothing to do with what I have and everything to do with what I don't have. My girlfriend told me today -- look at all the sick and dying children in the hospital and just be grateful that is not you. I know that...don't you think i know that?? I feel like that has nothing to do with my desire for a daughter. Of course I would be grateful for a healthy boy, but that doe snot make me miss the daughter I will never have any less. She is having her 2nd girl in 1 month and she told me that she would have like to have a boy but she is not and it is what it is -- she can't change it so why dwell on it. Most people are like that but I am not. Some people want it but can move forward so easily without it. I want it more than words can describe, its like I need it -- and I can't so easily move forward without her.
Sorry to vent -- I am just feeling down. I know its silly and I pray I have a happy ending -- that we all do.

[Mochagirl]

Hugs, pfp - we've all been there. This is definitely my last baby, and I'm terrified of the finality of it all.

[HopeandDreamG]

Prayforprincess~ Its NOT silly..NOT silly at all. I could have written your post. Its annoying when friends make statements like that it doesn't actually help although I think they are trying to help. Our problems are all relative of course, someone else can and does have it worse but that does not minimize our problems. And honestly if your friend had two boys she may actually also have GD. I've meet many women that say if they had all boys they'd have GD but wouldn't if they had all girls. Point is she doesn't really know how she would feel.
And on another note I told my DH this a few days ago after I get my BFP I'm going to then be nervous about the gender, when it possible to detect the gender I will be shaking going into the doctors office.

Auoara~ thanks for noticing the ticker. I'm liking it too!!!

Littlemiss~ maybe because of the hot flashes is why your temp is all over the place.

Hello everyone else!

[coocoobananas]

I too will feel the same way. It's why I have put off even considering trying because I could just leave it an open dream and have no regrets. But eventually they would be cause I would hit menopause and always wonder!! Remember you had to try to possibly get what you wanted and it's the only way to know! Lately I have been think when I try that I want a bfn so that I can just have what I have as I know what I already have is awesome and why mess with it!! I was at a friends last night and she now has 3 teenage stepsons. I was like if I get this bfp, that will be me! My gut tells me that but yet I feel the need to try! They were so cool though and the oldest was leaning on his youngest brothers shoulder on the couch lovingly and I thought who the hell cares what I get in the end! Three brothers will be pretty awesome!! I know I will be as nervous as you so I'll wait til he's born to find out! I wish you the pinkest bfp!!!

[amari]

Hi ladies. sorry I haven't been posting much. I have been coming on and reading and keeping up with you. It is nice to know we all have the exact same feelings and can relate. I know what you are all going through and hope you all find the peace and contentment you deserve, (preferably through a dg).

[HopeandDreamG]

Ok this may sound ridiculous and I am totally not a symptom spotter but I have been beyond thirsty today- all day & last night had a little heart burn when I was going to bed. I O'd anywhere from Friday at noon to Friday midnight.
R these signs or am I bonkers to even think they could b related to a bfp in my near future!!

[prayforprincess]

They could be hope&Dream. I am dying of thirst always. I drank 3 liters of water today.
I was sitting on the couch watching bachelor tonight and all I kept thinking about was how nervous I am to have another boy. 4 Boys!! I would want to still try for that girl only am almost positive I cannot because of already having 3 complicated c-sections. My ob was not psyched about me wanting a 4th but knew how badly I wanted a daughter. She warned me that this time there could be complications on the delivery table -- with myself, not the baby. I was willing to take that chance to have a daughter. I am sorry, I feel like I can't get this out of my mind now and I can't be happy about my bfp until I know it is her in there.
I feel just terrible for even thinking that. What is wrong with me?

[pinkin2011]

I dont think its horrible you thinking that because I am keeping that secret too... You know I have already told myself its a boy... I just feel it naturally would be and i just would never have a girl!

[littlemissnaughty7]

PFP you are 100% exactly like me you just took all those words right out of my mouth, i feel smashed about my sway because it didnt go to plan, i wish i could take it all back and start again but i cant, why did i dtd on O day and why the hell didnt i take citirizine arrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh, thats all i think about and the fact we dtd 4 times one 4-0, one on O, then O+1 and ive broke out in a huge spot this morning great just what i want thanks lol, and 0+3 as i thought i was O'ing late, but i can prob discard that last one, and prob the 0+4 as i used a whole app of rephresh in the am, only time will tell hey !