It's not them, it's ME

[Myloves]

I'm too nauseaus to type much...but love you gals and our understanding of each other!!!

Hope your nausea goes away.

[auroara78]

Similiar to what myloves has said, being that i only did want girls, my boys have taught me sooo much more than I could have ever imagined I definitely think I was meant to be the momma to my lovely boys!

The other thing that has occured to me recently is that all my closest friends have been boys. I was closer to my brother than my sisters, I had guy friends in high school (I was too shy to ask any of them out, but I was the one they came to talk to about their girl problems), and even in every job I've ever held I've developer closer relatonships with men than women.

I don't know why this is. At my job right now, my lunch buddy is a man too. At my old job, it was me and another man who ate lunch together almost every day. And in my online games I play, I always make lots of guy friends there too (maybe that's because 99% population on online games are men)

Anyway, maybe I should just face the music and realize that my life is all about the boys

[Flava]

Forget the studies I think you can always find one that show what you want to hear .Or what you don't. And I think the "better condition" only go for the food we eat? And declining would be we are on diet to loose weight lol.
I don't feel anything less because I have 4 girls then some one who got 4 boys. And as you can see more ppl want girls then boys. Most HT ladies go for a girl and we also have a lot more naturally ttc girl ladies .
So I think it's actually harder to get girls? So we did good LOL
But if you feel you have to prove something that you are better and you can make a boy then I don't think adoption will help with that. Just because you said you feel like a "biological failure for NOT having a boy" how would you feel to finally have a son but still you didn't "made " him?
Swaying and GD sucks for sure. This is my 3th sway what can I say! And the funny thing is I don't even have a wish for a boy anymore but it's to late now Im pregnant and will have 5 kids.
If anything would happen (because Im still only 9 weeks and had lot's of m/c so who knows) there is no way I ever get pregnant again.
So think about what you really want and sway or better try HT or adopt.

[begonia]

Myloves, thank you for sharing about your sisters and desire for daughter(s) ... your posts are always really positive and uplifting for me to read

KYBO hope you feel better soon hun!

Auroara, too funny ... my best friends, especially as kid/young woman, were all boys. DH and I were besties for 2 years before we finally started dating. I think that's part of the reason I wanted boys; I feel like I've always gotten along better with them. I worked in a male-dominated field prior to having kids so all my work friends were men too, and I was fine with that. Since I've had kids though I've really made great friends with several women since most stay at home parents are female ... though I do have two SAHD buds! I feel like now, in my 30's, I have the best friends I've ever had and most of them are women

Flava I love your perspective and I'm SO glad you're here You're totally right about adoption not doing anything for the whole feeling like a dud b/c I can't "make" a boy, but honestly, that's what I see as MY issue to fix, not a child's, KWIM? Whether I have a boy naturally or thru adoption or HT it can't be his role to fix me. I have to deal with it myself. And to be honest it isn't as big an issue as I make it out to be, it's more just some days I feel that way, KWIM? I'm not walking around every day feeling like a loser, thank goodness, just some days I have those irrational thoughts and I let them bring me down. That is NOT what I ever want my daughters to see/feel because I think they're the best thing I've ever done. The thing for me is deciding do I want another bio child, regardless of gender, or do I really just want to parent a son, or heck, should we just stop the baby train altogether. If having a boy is the MOST important thing then we will adopt. Some days it feels like I only want another child if it's a boy, but other days I feel like I just want another kid, including pregnancy, L&D, infancy...etc. So who knows. I'm just thankful I have this place and all of you to talk with about it!

In the meantime I'm TOTALLY smitten with my new baby girl and I know that's part of the reason I want a 4th... I'm just loving the fun of having a 3rd, and seeing them all together is completely wonderful

[LolaInLove]

Begonia, I know how it is to KNOW you just have "one more in ya." I have tried to subdue that feeling for a while now, but there is just no denying it. Now, the tricky part is what you are going to do because you could sway again- but you'd have to deal with the fact that it could be DD4. I know you and your DH are not for HT, but in your situation, I really have to be honest and say it, I think it would be a good idea. I think adoption is a great idea also, of course. I know the leftover embryo issue is a hard one to think about, but you would have a son. I just had to throw that out there....I know a lot of couples just won't do it, but when you have your eyes on the prize, it may be something you could think about and get used to. Maybe.....just sayin.' Of course, there is zero judgement from me for those who are just ethically against it, and I totally understand that. But I love that you want a 4th!

[nuthinbutpink]

I think adoption might be difficult and very expensive. I really wish you would consider HT.

Donate your extra embryos if you have any.

[Hobbermittens]

First off, you are NOT a loser!! I know quite a few families with 3 DDs and no boys... one is my best friend since childhood, who is the best person ever; another is a great family who has a very successful small business. I know it is hard to see yourself as a success if you measure your success by whether or not you "achieve" having a son. But you can't put that on yourself! Your sway rocked, but a girl still got through. You can't control that.

If you want 4 kids, then you should get that 4th child. I understand not wanting to risk another sway, though it has worked the second time for some people (like Mocha). Is Ht out of the question? I like the idea of adoption--but why would you adopt a toddler rather than a baby? Can you not choose gender if you adopt a newborn?

I hate GD. It is the worst. It has ruined so many happy moments for me, and has changed my life so much. I wish there was some way to make it go away.

[begonia]

If you want 4 kids, then you should get that 4th child. I understand not wanting to risk another sway, though it has worked the second time for some people (like Mocha). Is Ht out of the question? I like the idea of adoption--but why would you adopt a toddler rather than a baby? Can you not choose gender if you adopt a newborn?

HT is out more due to DH than myself; I think I could get on board easier than he could. I completely support IVF for people who can't conceive, it's really just that I know we CAN get pg so I have a hard time with it for us. Donating embryos would be tough I think since realistically those would be our (potential) kids. I honestly think if we were in the situation where there was an extra embryo or two (after having a DS) I'd just go ahead and give them a shot at life. If I knew we'd use all the embryos (again, like if we were infertile and planning to have more than just one more child) I'd definitely consider it and am sure DH would too... it really is the embryo issue that is a struggle. I wouldn't say it is 100% off the table at this point but it is very much a long shot.

Adoption is difficult emotionally and expensive, but so is HT. To get an infant we'd need to do domestic, and we wouldn't choose that route ... again just a personal choice, but I have two friends who have adopted domestically due to infertility issues and birth moms usually will choose a childless couple who is infertile over someone like us. That, and being able to select gender domestically is possible, but so rare it's almost impossible. We'd be adopting from Russia (if we did) and most are about 18 months when you bring them home, and it's about 40-50k. From what I've seen wouldn't 3 rounds of HT run me that much anyway? Cost wise I was guessing they are comparable since the odds of being a OHW for HT are slim.

Swaying again is definitely tempting too, I know there are those the 2nd sway has worked for, especially with DC4, but I'm SUPER realistic about it now. There are plenty whose 2nd, 3rd, etc sways don't work. Honestly I'm not sure I'd sway again, I'd probably just roll the dice. I have 4 friends who've had DS after 2DD recently and odds are they sure didn't do even 25% of what I did trying to get a DS, KWIM? I do think swaying has merit but I also think there's some component we just haven't figured out yet ...

Anyhow ITA Hobber ... GD SUCKS! It's just crazy too; I mean if I had a son with any of these 3 I probably would have lived my whole life not even knowing GD existed. And that would've been just fine But really there are WAY worse problems to have. I've said it before but honestly, if this is the worst thing I ever deal with I still count myself lucky.

[Hobbermittens]

Anyhow ITA Hobber ... GD SUCKS! It's just crazy too; I mean if I had a son with any of these 3 I probably would have lived my whole life not even knowing GD existed. And that would've been just fine But really there are WAY worse problems to have. I've said it before but honestly, if this is the worst thing I ever deal with I still count myself lucky.

I didn't know it existed until DC3 came along. I always wanted boys, but I was okay with DD1 because she was my first baby and I was so excited to be a mom, I didn't care what she was. But when I got pregnant the 3rd time, and found out it wasn't a boy like I expected, but DD2.... my world fell apart. I know that sounds so dumb. I mean, here you are, wanting one son, and I am complaining I wasn't given 2. But people want what they want, and we can't control our desires. I think back to the time when I just had 2 kids, and I didn't know about GD at all... ah, ignorance is bliss, isn't it?

Anyway, I didn't realize you couldn't get an infant when you adopted from Russia. I know people who have gotten infants from Korea and South America, so maybe that is an option for you.

I also totally understand you want to just roll the dice if you try to conceive naturally again. It seems like lots of people (like TTC5) get their boys that way.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[nuthinbutpink]

I would be nervous adopting a toddler with unknown background and health issues with an existing functioning family in place. It's a noble thing but I see it as very risky. You can keep your numbers low with HT, use 24-chromosome testing, only fertilize some eggs, etc. none of us have many leftover no matter how fertile we are.

I agree with you that domestic is not a realistic option.