I am becoming depressed

[fish2012]

[LolaInLove]

Kaseybaby, I can totally relate....we've been ttc since August 2010, and although I had a couple of miscarriages last year, it's been 13 months since the last one- probably a good 14 cycles or so- and I am (or I'd like to think "was" now) at the point of starting to get depressed. I know what you mean about feeling like if you do conceive, you deserve that girl since you had to go through the worst blood, sweat, and tears to get a baby in the first place. I've had that feeling many times. For some reason, I have now pretty much given up my gender desire and am trying to give up my BABY desire since I'm not thinking we will ever conceive on our own at all (my girls are from previous marriage). But, let me just suggest that you give yourself a good break- you never know what will come of it. Our giving up the dream of a baby doesn't mean we will use birth control or anything, just that I'm not going to obsess about it and instead, I'm trying to focus on the good things about not having another baby at this point (which is admittedly pulling the wool over my own eyes, but it beats just letting myself spiral into a depression) and also focus on my career and saving for traveling, etc. We can't afford IVF and IUI won't work for us since our problem lies with DH's sperm. But, I think taking a break and trying to focus on something else, like getting yourself really into working out, volunteering, whatever it is, is a good thing when you recognize that you don't feel like you are mentally healthy anymore. And hey, I am secretly hoping in the part of my mind where the wool isn't totally covering it all, that we will have an oops baby someday. Anyway, PM me if you want to vent more!