TTC Blue Crew Grads

[TTC5]

Skrimpy, the envelope thing was what we were going to do but the curiosity got the better of me :P

[dloui128]

Skrimpy-it sounds like a fun idea, but there is no way I wouldn't sneak a peak at it. If your able to not know then go for it

[Hobbermittens]

Skrimpy, would your DH be able to keep the secret? I know mine would try, but he would slip up and say "he" or "she". Is there anyway your DH would wait for a surprise? Congrats on hearing the heartbeat!

[skrimpy]

I don't know Hobber - I think he'd be able to though. I worry it would drive me crazy knowing he knows - maybe that's better than GD though.

But I am really just worried about GD so I may have to sit down and talk with him about it seriously. He has been MUCH more sensitive this pregnancy after I had such a hard time with Honor - we both realized we handled it badly (me with the depression and him dealing with his wife's depression). But he's been pretty firm he wants to know and I just don't know that I want to chance horrible GD again. I know I will fall head over heels for my baby at birth, so why chance a depressed pregnancy again, kwim? The truth is gender does matter more than I can "just get over it" and thankfully I can say that here and get understood.

I might bring it up at my midwife's appt - she may be able to help us figure things out since she's unbiased and knows everything that went on with Honor's pregnancy and GD.

The scan is optional for is, so if we don't go, we don't know... I do like having the anatomy scan done, and in the moment I usually don't spot gender... But I know if we go we either have to find out or have the tech put it in an envelope... At least that's what DH wants at this point.

[Hobbermittens]

Skrimpy,

Maybe it will be a win-win and your baby will have its legs crossed at the scan! I think your DH should wait to find out if you want to--he should do it for you. I originally wanted to know with my first baby, but DH wanted a surprise, so I decided to go along for his sake. I am so glad we did. The surprise at birth is awesome. The only baby we found out gender with was #3, my GD baby. I seriously think knowing ahead of time fueled my GD. I had no idea what GD WAS until I had that u/s, was disappointed, and googled around and found IG.... having a forum full of ladies that were going through the same thing as me really helped, but I think it made my GD worse, in a way, because it made my GD a "real thing". You know? Now that I am a GD survivor, I know it will always be a part of me, and I will always need a place like this to vent, commiserate, etc. But I honestly wonder where I would be today if I hadn't been told DD2 was a girl until she was born. I may have been able to deal with the disappointment more quickly if I hadn't stewed about it for 20 weeks before she was born.

I have one more u/s next week, and I am going to tell the tech again NOT TO TELL ME ANYTHING!! I probably am going to keep my eyes closed for most of it. I had to do that at my previous scan. I refuse to even look at anything that could even possibly show the gender! I am so sure that this baby is a girl anyway, I really don't need it confirmed until birth.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do! When is your anatomy scan?

[skrimpy]

Had our first mw's appt last night and heard our little bub again <3 Appt. went great, my mw commented that I really looked fantastic and that made me feel really good.

Hobber - I'm just about 12w now and my midwife usually orders the scan around 19-20 weeks, so I have a couple of months yet. We do have the option to do a test for blood genotyping (because I am rh negative) and it also shows gender - I could have that done now but it's more involved for the doctor's office and I'm not sure I'm going to have it done this time.

DH is still super-adamant about knowing. I don't know why it matters so much to him to know, but apparently it does. I don't want him upset at me for insisting that we don't know.

Right now I'm leaning towards asking the tech for an envelope and letting DH see when he wants. Then he will turn the envelope over to me. That way I can look if it's driving me too crazy, or not look if I don't want to. But that gives him what he wants and leaves me in control to decide what I want. I have had one friend have her hubby know and she didn't b/c she wanted a surprise. He never spilled the beans and she stayed strong til the birth lol. I'm not sure I can, but at least it gives me the option and lets me decide. I really think DH will probably be able to keep it a secret. And I really think at this point I don't want to know. I just don't want to take that chance of GD again.

[skrimpy]

Ugh and DH told me he got a strong feeling today it's a girl and I already feel down. He's always right about gender. I'm REALLY thinking I just shouldn't know until the birth. I just wish it didn't matter so much to me!!!!!!

[auroara78]

skrimpy, can I ask your boy to girl ratio? I see on your siggy you have 1 boy...but I think maybe you have two boys? your newest addition sounds like such a pleasure...but I totally understand how Gender desire is..although I am getting my gender desire this time (a girl), I just have a feeling if I tried again for a 4th (and i do want a 4th eventually) that it would be a boy, and while I would love him to pieces, I can already tell that I'd probably prefer a girl again, just so Lillian has a sister since my boys have eaach other.

I totally understand and do hope your little riceball is a boy!

[Hobbermittens]

Ugh and DH told me he got a strong feeling today it's a girl and I already feel down. He's always right about gender. I'm REALLY thinking I just shouldn't know until the birth. I just wish it didn't matter so much to me!!!!!!

Yeah, I know what you mean. I have felt that this baby was a girl for a long time, and as much as I wish I didn't care about gender, I really do. I know I should just be thankful that DH agreed to another baby (he only wanted 2!) and that he was willing to sway, but instead, I regret some of the things I did "wrong" with my sway, and I can't help but feel a lot of remorse over the whole thing. I am so thankful that I don't know for sure that the baby is a girl (even though I can't imagine it being anything else but!), because the hope that it could be the opposite is really helping me enjoy my last pregnancy. I may be disappointed at birth, but that is far better than being disappointed for the rest of my pregnancy.

If your DH is so sure about gender already, then she should let you have your surprise!

[skrimpy]

Auroara, I have G, B, B, B, G, and ??? lol. I'm one of the mommies that always wanted to be a "boy mom" - my relationship with my mom was incredibly rocky (and it's better now but still strained). I'm terrified of not being there for my DD's, driving them away, or worst of all, no listening to them (which is what I feel is the biggest issue between my mom and myself today - she just nods and smiles while she doesn't listen to a word I'm saying).

I really feel rather irrational because my hardest child by far is one of my boys... but I'm terrified of girls. Really my little Honor was a big blessing because she helped me realize I *can* enjoy a little girl (with my eldest I was dirt poor and she wore whatever people gave me... clothes that were not of my taste at all. Now we are comfortable and I can buy clothes I like for Honor, and actually my DD1, C, has taste in clothes very similar to me, which makes me feel good). She also helped me realize I don't have to be paranoid about girls lol, and that I can parent more than one of them. I still feel silly and guilty because I love babies and I know if we have them there's a good a chance that we'll have girls as boys... But it's something I work on (and pray about) continually. That I'll have peace with what I can get. But I really would rather not push myself right now (with a gender scan) as I really don't think I'm to that place of total peace yet

It's tough when people say you should be happy with what you get, or that you have some of one gender so it ought not matter. But it does matter, sadly