Timing it just right....

[gizmo77]

The way it almost comes off to me is that he is suddenly afraid of being "saddled" with a child that has disabilities or something...maybe he just realized that it could possibly happen now that it has become a reality? I hope he quiets down about it now.

i wonder if someone else is 'whispering' in his ears. does the guy himself (do you know) plan to have his own children to raise himself, get married, have his own family, etc.

[gizmo77]

lol yeah maybe it's just a male thing :P
Yes the donor will be involved in the child's life, i don't think it would be fair to the child to deny them that so he will have visitation rights and phone calls and those type of things. he just seems to be getting too personal, he even emailed me today asking where my dr was, if it was local enough and if i'd be getting regular check ups.
Duh, of course i will be! He was even asking my partner the same questions and she's so close to telling him to back off. He was questioning our eating habits, asking how often we eat junk food etc and if we'd give the baby junk food.....another duh!

Anyway, about the DS. Of course no parent wishes their child would have it so i will be going to my regular ultrasounds and any other testing my dr recommends. I think he is paranoid about it. I just don't know what to do about it, i mean would it be a good idea to continue with him seeing he's been like this so early on.....he could get worse and bossy once the child is born...

i guess i could see a potential father if he is to be involved asking all sorts of nervous questions..but its like why now? youve already gievn the sample!! guess he didnt think it out and was more interested in the money, perhaps (if thats your situation).
regardless, you and your partner are the primary parents if it takes this month (good luck!!). if you do end up with his, i wold write out a contract of some sort, that you and your partner draw up and negotiate from there. let us know if you get pg!!! im excited about this too ;-)

[TTC5]

MMMMM he sounds very worried... sounds like he wants to very involved in this too... I would probably sit down with him and tell him how this makes you are your partner feel and see how he responds..??

[Foxy]

I hope everything works out for you!

[Kris217]

OMG that is CRAZY (about the Down's Testing.) I would NOT have it done. Honestly I kinda don't believe him to be quite honest because that doesn't seem like the sort of thing a guy would discuss with a doctor. My doctors (two different doctors mind you) advised me against having it and I was 36 and 38 years old at the time...there are tons of false positives and you end up having to have unnecessary amniocentesis done in many cases, which has risks of miscarriage. At 30 your odds of miscarriage from amnio will be far higher than your risks of having a baby with a chromosomal defect!!!

I am getting an "off" feeling too and I think you may be doing the right thing not continuing to try with him.

I am so thankful that you guys were able to do the second insemination at least, I think it will up your odds of success. Praying that it takes!!!

Thanks Atomic, i definitely don't want to risk miscarriage on a test that isn't really needed. I don't think at 30 i need that.
If he doesn't want a child with a disability then he shouldn't be a donor, so i'm guessing he'd want me to abort the baby if it did have a disability.....again that's not his decision!
If i hear from him again and he's on about the same stuff i will get firm with him and just say look, you're over stepping the boundary and if we want your input we'll ask you.

[Kris217]

i wonder if someone else is 'whispering' in his ears. does the guy himself (do you know) plan to have his own children to raise himself, get married, have his own family, etc.

He is a gay man so this is probably the best option for him to have a child with some type of involvement unless he goes the surrogate route which i doubt. He has made plenty of donations to IVF Australia and he can't pick and choose who gets them. If they choose him and pay the money then that's it. He has no involvement and won't even know about it until 18 years down the track so i think i'm being fair by letting him see the child but he's taking it a bit too far.

[Kris217]

i guess i could see a potential father if he is to be involved asking all sorts of nervous questions..but its like why now? youve already gievn the sample!! guess he didnt think it out and was more interested in the money, perhaps (if thats your situation).
regardless, you and your partner are the primary parents if it takes this month (good luck!!). if you do end up with his, i wold write out a contract of some sort, that you and your partner draw up and negotiate from there. let us know if you get pg!!! im excited about this too ;-)

Exactly, i was fine with him asking questions cos i would too if i was doing the same thing. He is just asking questions which aren't really his business. We do have a donor agreement typed out, just gotta print it out and have him sign it.
These contracts aren't legally binding but if he ever takes me to court it will show his intent from the beginning.

[Kris217]

MMMMM he sounds very worried... sounds like he wants to very involved in this too... I would probably sit down with him and tell him how this makes you are your partner feel and see how he responds..??

I think that will be the next step, he just asked me to add him on msn so we can chat but if he starts that will be the end of that lol

[Kris217]

The guys comments sound fishy.... I would stay away from him. If the guy is going to be just a donor then nothing is his business, except filling the cup. As the one carrying, birthing, and raising a child it is your choice as to what you do. I hope you do get preg but from a better guy... You are the 1st same sex couple I have seen on here and it is exciting to see the outcome.

My hubby and I have been talking about doing egg and sperm donations after we are done having kids. How did you find the guy? Was it easy or did it take a long time?

I'm hoping im pregnant just because we went through so much this month with paying for accommodation, getting my sister to take care of my kids (niece and nephews i have custody of) and taking care of our pets. But at the same time if i'm not pregnant that might be a good thing too. Whatever is meant to happen will and i will just go from there, if i do look for another donor i will make sure not to go down this path again.

As for where i found him, there is a website called free sperm donations worldwide and it has thousands of people on it. Not just sperm donors but people looking for sperm donors, egg donors, surrogates etc and there are people from all over the world. It's very easy to use, just gotta weed out the duds as i ran into a few of those but there are some nice people on there. I think if you and your hubby do donate someday you'll be helping people in a very special and rewarding way

[atomic sagebrush]

I hope all has settled down and that you are already incubating a lil bean! GL!!!