Vent- heavy hearted

[jennaesue]

Yeah i def agree with that if you have 3 or more boys the odds of a girl seem really slim - some people manage it but it feels to me like questing after the holy grail and yet stupidly i get my hopes up. I seem to spend ages telling myself it will be another boy and it will be ok, it will be great but my heart for some reason keeps going yes but you could get your girl, head goes no, no you won't might happen to some people but not you, heart goes why not it happened to x, y and z why not you, its 50/50 each time, head errrrr no thats just the cr*p they tell people, for you its 100% boy just accept it. I can see myself turning up at my scan head going its a boy, heart going maybe possibly a girl, tech going boy - you fool did you really think it maybe your turn - how ridiculous, should've listened to your head cause now your sad and that poor baby will know (whereas if you'd known it was a boy to begin with, which you did really, you'd have been expecting him and happy from day one).

I feel like i'm going insane, this has been running through my head of months worth of ttc and now i'm pregnant its all the worse and i feel like i have lost any chance at a daughter that i had when i was ttc. I can't stop thinking about it, its all i dream about and i am so sick of stressing about it. I want my little girl that badly and its so hard that there is nothing i can do to get her. I love my boys more than the world and can honestly say i will love this baby but how do you get over the dream and let go. I;ve grown up being told nothing is impossible you just have to have faith and work hard but this mother daughter dream is just not going to happen and i need to / want to let go - please somebody tell me how to do it

Just once i would love to be told "its a x" and not feel a little disappointed

Exactly.

[Mrs_P]

Ms P I'm still struggling. Today I've been thinking I need to talk with someone or take something. I am so sad to let this dream go yet I can't even put my finger on why I need it so bad. I think for part of me the failure of not getting what I worked so hard for is the difficult part too. Like you said, the if you try hard enough you will succeed. My pregnancies seem insufferable on their own and I thought it would be worth it in the end but now I'm having a hard time convincing myself. I went into this thinking surely when he came I'd fill complete because 3 was my limit but now I am afraid I will be a little sad forever. I wish I could get over myself with all the things happening in the world and people losing their babies.
I really hope for you that you get your girl. It would be really unfair with 3 boys to not get your turn. I myself am too scared to take the chance again. I love my boys and I know I'll love this one when he gets here, but this void this painful void, ah it hurts so bad. The weather doesn't help the mood either, I just want to be done so I start being a good mom again!!

You know support comes in many forms and for me its nice to have other people who understand and have similar feelings, just to have people to talk to is great. As daft as it sounds your post makes me feel so much better than someone telling me it will or be ok (or worst still trying to persuade me i will get my daughter - just gives me higher to fall from). Its not ok and i have these feelings and i need to embrace them and work through them before i can move on, which is why i find this forum so great - i'm not a believer in sweeping it all under the carpet, sometimes you need to be sad and live through the rough to realize just how lucky you are (and i know i'm very lucky).

You will love your son - i promise you that, you sound like a wonderful mom and you wouldn't not, you couldn't not and he will be just as special as your others - in fact i think our little boys resulting from gd are even more precious. i felt so guilty for the horrible thoughts i had towards my ds3 when i was pregnant but he was just another boy then, once he was here he was MY little boy and we have such a close bond. The hole unfortunately seems to remain and i have yet to find the plug but if i do you'll be the first i'll share the secret with x

I do think the swaying makes it all the more harder though - not only are you daft enough to think your actually in with a chance (especially when you see it working out for others on here) you also work so damn hard at it. When you go into naturally its easy and you know its a gamble

[dreamingpink77]

Yeah i def agree with that if you have 3 or more boys the odds of a girl seem really slim - some people manage it but it feels to me like questing after the holy grail and yet stupidly i get my hopes up. I seem to spend ages telling myself it will be another boy and it will be ok, it will be great but my heart for some reason keeps going yes but you could get your girl, head goes no, no you won't might happen to some people but not you, heart goes why not it happened to x, y and z why not you, its 50/50 each time, head errrrr no thats just the cr*p they tell people, for you its 100% boy just accept it. I can see myself turning up at my scan head going its a boy, heart going maybe possibly a girl, tech going boy - you fool did you really think it maybe your turn - how ridiculous, should've listened to your head cause now your sad and that poor baby will know (whereas if you'd known it was a boy to begin with, which you did really, you'd have been expecting him and happy from day one).

I feel like i'm going insane, this has been running through my head of months worth of ttc and now i'm pregnant its all the worse and i feel like i have lost any chance at a daughter that i had when i was ttc. I can't stop thinking about it, its all i dream about and i am so sick of stressing about it. I want my little girl that badly and its so hard that there is nothing i can do to get her. I love my boys more than the world and can honestly say i will love this baby but how do you get over the dream and let go. I;ve grown up being told nothing is impossible you just have to have faith and work hard but this mother daughter dream is just not going to happen and i need to / want to let go - please somebody tell me how to do it

Just once i would love to be told "its a x" and not feel a little disappointed

I also feel it's not a 50/50 chance for me too...I feel it's like it's obvious it will be boy. My husband's brothers are all having boys, no girls in the family yet, so that's another reason why I'm so convinced that hubby and his brothers only produce boys! I saw some commercials on a children's tv network today and there were such wonderful girls toys, all those lovely dolls, I just stared at them and started to cry. How much I'd like to buy tiny cups and saucers for my little one and pretend to have tea together. I just really need to think boys! Sometimes when I imagine I'm gonna have a girl,I go on the internet and start looking for images of newborn boys, so perhaps it will make me appreciate them more. I know that when I'll hold my baby in my arms, I'm gonna fall in love with him no matter what the sex is,but in the meantime, it's hard not to hope and pray for girl.

[Zivic-Bubac]

Hahahahaa!! We do sound silly. Somewhere, there is a lady looking at our families thinking that we used up all the boy spermies. Selfish ladies we are!

You bet!

[OneLastDream]

Mrs P you think exactly like me!!!! I chuckled at your post as i hear it every day within my own head!!!! I really really hope you get your little girl. After 3 boys I don't think I will ever hear x but my heart is still tricking me too. I just would like everyone's dreams to come true.

[Mrs_P]

How far along are you, you don't have a ticker so can't tell?

Don't know why we do this to ourselves though its ridiculous 20 weeks of going through this to then be told what you knew at day 1 - its a boy. Why can't i accept that now and stop hoping, i feel so cross at myself.

Ps to any of the other women in my position (lots of boys are pregnant with strong gender desire) are you feeling emtional lately - i keep crying and at really daft things or people saying nice things or anything really - don't know if its being pregnant and hormones or if its all the emotional cr*p i am putting myself through with gd i don't remember being like that in previous pregnancies

[dreamingpink77]

I'm also being very emotional and I don't remember being like this with DS. I cry easily and get angry very easily and I just can't seem to control myself, and I'm only 8wks pregnant let alone when I'll be 9months pg!

[cravingsalt]

Ladies! It's so nice to have kindred spirits who understand all over the world. Mrs. P, I know that even when I (finally) get my bfp I'll think just like you, keeping my hopes down that it'll be a boy. It just seems so impossible, like 5% instead of 50%. Whatever happens in all of our life stories, it's nice to have you ladies to lean on because IRL it would be impossible to share these feelings. $12/year is a bargain for cheap therapy, if anything, lol!

All around!

[dreamingpink77]

So here I am again, early morning with tears in my eyes I keep on dreaming that I'm having a girl, that I'm holding a three month old cute girl, or that I'm dancing with a sweet one year old girl in my arms. This is so unfair. I so much don't want to dream of little baby girls anymore, the more I dream the more I feel sad when I wake up. I just feel, I'm never gonna really hold my little girl in my arms. I'd rather start dreaming of holding cute little boys. Yesterday I cried all way while driving to work cause of these silly dreams. Yesterday I booked another visit to gynae for the 21st December, I'll be almost 16weeks and probably he'll be able to tell me gender. I'm so afraid I won't be able to control myself and just start crying in front of gynae when he'll say BOY. I'm so afraid I'm gonna be so sad for Christmas, my DS is going to be away from the 26th, he's going to London with his father (my ex husband), and I'm gonna miss him so much not having him for the holidays, then if I'll get to know I'm having a boy, I'm afraid I'm gonna feel miserable. Sorry girls, I'm so annoying

[cravingsalt]

Awww, dreaming, that’s so heartbreaking! And I know exactly how you feel- kind of like being punched in the gut. It’s so hard. I feel the same way, I won’t let my thought wander to having a girl but we can’t always suppress our subconscious. I know that it will work out either way- I just think the anticipation is almost worse than when we hear one way or the other. Have you thought about maybe having the tech write down what they see and then opening it up in private? Try not to worry, hon, this babe is what they are going to be, you just haven’t been let in on the secret just yet.