I am so angry at everything......

[BellaVita]

I'm not a religious-y type person at all, but I hope my opinion is welcomed nonetheless. Sometimes the answers to our prayers is "no". We all have a desire for a child of a certain gender, and yes it hurts...but when you look at the big picture (that being life in general), if not having our DG is the worst thing we have in our lives then we should count our blessings. People who are bad can have good things happen to them just as people who are good can have bad things happen to them. In the grand scheme of it all, we're not deserving of anything. I know that sucks to hear, but it's the truth. A few months ago I was working out at the YMCA, and there was a baby shower being hosted. I couldn't help but notice it was for a girl, and the mother had three little boys with her, which I assumed belonged to her. I also couldn't help but notice how crappy she was with them. Yanking them by the arms, repeatedly telling them to shut up, etc. It sucks, but it is what it is. Tons of people easily get what we think we deserve and it just doesn't work that way unfortunately. How many children die from cancer? Is it because the parents not praying hard enough? Absolutely not! I'm not comparing GD to that at all, but the point is there. It hurts to accept that things don't always go in our favor, but that's life. Everyone who has ever prayed or wished for something has been let down at one time or another, and that is a fact.

[Son4meplz]

I'm not a religious-y type person at all, but I hope my opinion is welcomed nonetheless. Sometimes the answers to our prayers is "no". We all have a desire for a child of a certain gender, and yes it hurts...but when you look at the big picture (that being life in general), if not having our DG is the worst thing we have in our lives then we should count our blessings. People who are bad can have good things happen to them just as people who are good can have bad things happen to them. In the grand scheme of it all, we're not deserving of anything. I know that sucks to hear, but it's the truth. A few months ago I was working out at the YMCA, and there was a baby shower being hosted. I couldn't help but notice it was for a girl, and the mother had three little boys with her, which I assumed belonged to her. I also couldn't help but notice how crappy she was with them. Yanking them by the arms, repeatedly telling them to shut up, etc. It sucks, but it is what it is. Tons of people easily get what we think we deserve and it just doesn't work that way unfortunately. How many children die from cancer? Is it because the parents not praying hard enough? Absolutely not! I'm not comparing GD to that at all, but the point is there. It hurts to accept that things don't always go in our favor, but that's life. Everyone who has ever prayed or wished for something has been let down at one time or another, and that is a fact.

Yes, your opinion is very welcome

I agree with you that 'sometimes answers to your prayers is NO' ....but question is why my prayers were not answered. I wrote this post just after finding out and have been doing better since then. But it has made me a different person now...I believe in more philosophical thing ...but still so many things don't make sense. thanks for your reply.

[Son4meplz]

I just found out 2 weeks ago that I am having another girl, and I can totally relate to your anger and your questioning your faith. I have been trying to come to terms with it and accept it myself, and I am just not there yet. My heart breaks every day and I mourn the son that I will never have. I am already 38 years old, and I don't think a third baby is financially or even physically possible. I know that I will never get pregnant again unless I go the IVF/ PGD route, I can never go through what I went through during the anatomy scan again - all of my hopes and dreams crushed, all of my years of prayers unanswered. My husband won't get the son he has prayed for his whole life, and he'll never have a chance to be the father to his son that he always wished his own father was.

looks like we are in the same boat...I just know that things will get better with time....humans r wired that way. I had severe disappointment and to some extent it's still there ..it comes n goes but i am trying to control my thoughts n mind and move on. Still now n then i feel so much pain about my lost dream n sometimes resentment towards the long wait n the failed sway. did you also sway? I had lot of discussion about my feelings with my husband and my mom...that helped a lot. do you have anyone to share n discuss your feelings? I wish you all the best.

[Son4meplz]

NeedGrace...thank you for the reply. i totally identify and understand what you are saying. sometimes, we all know that but it's hard to accept the rejectionn failure. I am doing better n understand that swaying is just luck of draw. I had put lot of faith n effort in everything...but ultimately life gives you what you r destined for. Hard luck but I will survive.

[BellaVita]

Yes, your opinion is very welcome

I agree with you that 'sometimes answers to your prayers is NO' ....but question is why my prayers were not answered. I wrote this post just after finding out and have been doing better since then. But it has made me a different person now...I believe in more philosophical thing ...but still so many things don't make sense. thanks for your reply.

I'm so glad to hear you are doing better!

[sbmommy]

Son4meplz, yes we did try everything we could for a blue sway - the Shettles method, ovulation timing, diet, positions, etc. and it all failed. I don't think I could go through all that again just to have another failed sway. Please don't get me wrong, I don't see this baby as a failure or as unwanted, it's nobody's "fault" that she is a girl.

My pain is from the loss of hope and of my faith. I know people will think that I am selfish or immature, or that I turned my back on God because "I didn't get what I wanted," but that isn't true. I am grieving the loss of my faith that there is anyone listening to our prayers, or at least anyone who has the power to answer prayers. If there is a God, maybe he is not all powerful, but he is just a Creator that watches us. He is happy when we are happy and sad when we are sad, but that's it. I think that prayer is only powerful if you believe in it and if it brings you comfort and strength when you pray. I just don't feel that comfort, that peace anymore. I absolutely respect all others who do have faith and who find strength and comfort through prayer.

I am very grateful for this baby, and I will love this baby as much as I love my first little girl, but I believe that this baby is a girl because a girl sperm reached my egg first... not because God didn't answer my prayers.

[NeedGrace]

I'm so sorry you are going through these feelings sbmommy. I felt the same when I had my DS3 and I am going through it all again now with both my brother & his wife & my BIL & SIL having my DG. So sad it's not me! But I have to remind myself if I had my DG who would I be without? It's not straight forward & as I say I don't have all the answers but one thing I do know is that I am very blessed even if it's not in the way I would choose. Time was the best healer for me & getting to know my sweet DS3's personality as he gets older. Doesn't mean I won't always ache for a girl or that I will never be jealous of others who have what I want but if I stay angry & bitter, I risk missing the joy & blessings right in front of me. I hope time helps you too & I wish you all the best with your pregnancy & your beautiful baby girl! It is hard & it does feel unfair at times (((HUGS)))

[Tiggerian]

I'm not religious anymore.. I lost my faith when I lost my little girl, so atleast I understand that bit.

But here's a thought: is it possible that the gender of our children isn't something God decides? Maybe he has created so that nature takes care of everything by it self?

Isn't it possible that when we were made God made us so he didn't have to rule who had what child and who had which gender, but made us so our bodies were capable of creating both sexes equally.

I don't believe God sits and ticks off a list of who deserve and who doesn't. If he did the world would be a much fairer place.

I don't believe I deserved to loose my little girl. I don't believe I had done something bad and I don't think God would punish anyone by taking their child from them, even if its their DG child.

I believe its cleverly designed biology and no matter how hard you pray God decided the moment he created humans that this was something for biology and not for him.

I know this may be a bit controversial, but I just don't believe God grants wishes like that. I think he is more like a guide, someone who keeps the grant scheme of things spinning - but as for the individual, he created humans and to me, thats as far as he went. The rest is up to us!

[NeedGrace]

Sorry I missed the 2nd page I'm so glad you're doing better son4meplz!! Sbmommy I'm so sorry! Because I missed a page I missed a while chunk of text. Of course we love the babies we get but I agree it's perfectly normal to be sad about what we're missing & I grieved for not understanding why too. Noone here would or should ever judge either. There's lots of us still working through these feelings. It's been a bit of a roller coaster for me & I'm still on it. I think Bellavita said it much better than me!

[NeedGrace]

Tiggerian I am so sorry for your loss! It really is so hard to understand especially the loss of a child.