Why?

[Rainbow baby]

I just need to vent ladies, please tell me if I am being a little on the crazy side. I have a close friend who is 6 weeks pregnant, with a baby I am not 100% sure she want's, but she is keeping. I am just so sad to learn she went out drinking last night. I am so angry. Why would you do that? I don't understand she isn't an addict, she is quiet a smart woman, yet she texts me she's a bit tipsy and can't drive. I am just so angry, I know it stems from my loss's but the stupidity astounds me really? Why do such a thing? It really upsets me when mothers smoke and drink and I do everything by the flowering book and I am the one who losses It's just so flowering unfair
I guess my friend didn't think telling me was a big problem, but wouldn't see think, wouldn't a friend know not to touch on such an obviously sore spot? Why would a friend pick off a scab that's never going to heal? Two days ago she asked if a energy drink was ok? I just said I wouldn't and explained that after 3 losses you kind of don't want any regrets and now this........Just so angry and hurt.

[Mum23boys]

Did she actually drink drink chick or did she maybe just have 1 glass of wine and feel a bit tipsy ..... i think unless u know she drank you cant jump to conclusions. I know with DS3 i stopped drinking the moment i found out i was pregnant - at 9 weeks pregnant we went to a friends birthday and i had 1 wine a d felt totally drunk - the mix of not drinking for 9 weeks and being pregnant i think made it seem twice as bad as it actually was. After that i drank alcohol free wine :-)

Now if she diid DRINK above the limits then thats a different matter and Ican understand why you feel angry but really even as a close friend its not your business to get involved..... Im sure one day she will learn the hard way ad i know the horrible but no amount of stressing yourself about it is going to help you or her.

[ELP]

Oh rainbow sending you a big Some people are just that, bloody insensitive, or as I call them 'just plain thick!' It may be that if she hasnt had a drink in forever, that she thought that maybe one small beer would be ok, and that was literally enough to send her a bit giddy, I know for me that it would be enough to make me feel very wobbly.
If she continiues to an ass then I would distance myself from her for a while until you have your own little bundle in your arms and are in a good place xxx

[LacePrincess]

I know how you feel. It upsets me a lot too, and I know I ruffle feathers but I truly feel zero alcohol is the only ok amount ever during pregnancy. It's only 9-10 months out of your life to do all you can to protect that wee babe!

But you can't control other people. And, how they treat their bodies and babies, and how easily they can conceive doesn't in any way affect you. But I understand it's extremely emotionally trying.

Big hugs, it's super sucky especially if you've had trouble TTC. I'm so sorry, maybe it's time to pull away from that friend for awhile, not worth the pain. Not saying it's her fault or yours, but it can't be good for your friendship to have so many bad feelings, kwim?

[zibibbogirl]

I have a strict no alcohol policy when I am pregnant and breastfeeding. To me, it is not that much of a sacrifice. I am not a drinker anyway. But I do know people who continue to have one glass if they are at a party and want to be social. I guess that is ok for them if they really feel the need to partake. It can be hard if people do not know you are pregnant and you are put on the spot and don't want to make an announcement. Although if that happens I usually say I am driving or getting up early or some such other excuse. But in the case of your friend it sounds like she deliberately went out to drink. That is sad. I really hope her baby means a lot more to her once he or she is born than he or she means to her at the moment.

[Dana-Alicia]

Oh I know how this feels mama, it's horrible. I had a friend fall pregnant right after I lost my little girl. And she was still drinking, smoking and said to me the baby was an accident, but she wanted to keep it. And when she had her ultra sound, they found the baby wasn't healthy. It had FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome). Which can occur after drinking just half a glass of alcohol! She is no longer my friend, as she still continues to drink after all this and her baby is in the hospital. How awful. I would have done anything for a healthy baby and she just threw it away... And this poor baby is paying the prize. I would never drink while pregnant, not even a drop! Hugs to you mama...

[Rainbow baby]

That's horrible Dana, poor baby. Sorry about your little girl <3 losing a child is so so hard I know my due date is tomorrow actually, I just know I want it over already.. It really does annoy me. She said she had 3 drinks recently and brought it up on her own accord. She said she feels bad and is now worrying. She apparently didn't want her friends to know she was PG? I just had to shut up seriously. Why not just say your on medication or something don't get half pissed and wine at me for doing it. No sympathy here. I'm not going to be nasty about it, but I sure as hell am not going to make out it's o k because I don't think it is. That's just my opinion. I know it dose not always cause problems but sometimes it does and to me that is not worth the risk. Not only will your friends baby suffer for the rest of her life.. so does your friend so does the whole family, so does the health system and support services. I am not a drinker in the first place maybe it's hard for some people to stop, maybe some didn't know they were pregnant and drank, I am not saying having a baby with a health condition is a bad thing it's not every baby is precious and perfect in their own way. I just think if you know the risks and take them..........

[Wanting a daughter]

Personally I think the line between none of your business and need to step in vanishes when a parent doesn't do the right thing by their kids. I would have no qualms about telling her I feel like she was being selfish and not thinking of her unborn child. I would tell her the story Dana-Alicia posted to scare her a little. Maybe that would be enough.

I understand the need to distance yourself but I would need to make sure that little baby was okay first. When the person who should be caring the most is not, then someone else need to step in and be the advocate for that child, that looks like it might be you honey. So sorry you are in this situation.

As for drinking being hard to give up... for some yes, but it all comes down to priorities. I used to be quite a big drinker. The moment we started trying I gave up completely and did so for the entire pregnancy and b/feeding period. Not that hard when there is a dam good reason to do it. If you are an alcoholic with a serious addiction, then you shouldn't be getting pregnant! Harsh but true.

[Mrs_P]

funnily enough when i read this post the news just came on saying england authorities are now saying even a glass of wine one a week in pregnancy can negatively impact on the childs IQ - i have never drank knowingly with my babies although with two of my pregnancies i did have some before i knew i was pregnant but have never been a big drinker anyway. I think the years i have spent pregnant and breastfeeding (and not drinking) have lessened my taste for it

[The Anchor]

Jeez, how awful. Seems a little strange that she would say that, doesn't it. I mean, it's completely socially unacceptable, and even more offensive to you. Doesn't sound like much of a friend FWIW. Hugs.