HELP! Abstain or FR? Want some thoughts ladies :)

[black&gold]

So our sway attempt is in about 4 weeks. I think I know mostly what I'm doing.. hopefully.. However, I'm still lost on the decision on FR or Abstain. Here are the details!

I'm 25, my husband is 31. We've had two boys and both times BD at least 4-5 times during O time - hence the 2 beautiful boys we have This time we are going for one attempt a couple days before O as the last two times we always BD right through (why not try the opposite, right?)

Well, with the 2 previous babies my husband has had *some* trouble with the FR of 5 or more times in a row. He'd say he just felt so empty and we'd have to stop and try again a couple hours later etc. to finally make it happen. This usually was only the case on the last day or two of trying, but with FR needing to be 7-10 days long I worry. I'm a little worried about doing 7-10 days of FR and then him on day 6 not being able to perform or something and messing things up. He never "helps himself out" ever so that's not an option. My concern with abstain is that he's 31.. which I guess in my eyes is close to 35 where there could potentially be problem with the sperm. Should I worry?!?!

I need help because we can't decide! We're willing to try FR and work on it as long as we need to (especially since he's the reason why we are swaying for a girl!) but if abstain is still super safe at his age and with me being definitely young enough then that might be the safer option. AHHH! What to do! Help!!

Thanks ladies, you are all so fabulous xx

[LacePrincess]

Your DH is still young enough to abstain if he has trouble with FR. There's a world of difference between 31 and 35.

This is assuming no other risk factors on his side like smoking, regular/excessive drinking, exposure to chemicals/radiation, that sort of thing.

If you do choose to abstain then keep it to one attempt but NO cutoff. Your odds of pregnancy with more than O-2 are vanishingly low. So you should try abstain for 7-10 days, then one attempt at +OPK which should put your BD attempt at around O-1.

[black&gold]

Thanks LacePrincess!
Is one better than the other?! He's pretty confident he'd be fine with FR, I just worry that there is pressure to perform daily which doesn't help so I wouldn't want to mess up as we are hoping to conceive ASAP. He has no other risk factors like you mentioned. My cycles have always been very regular, 28 days always but of course the last two months have been so different so I was going to rely on my +OPK for the attempt.

But what is the difference, why do people chose one over the other? Is it simple just what DH can handle - lots of action or no action?

Thanks

[nestof3]

This is my personal opinion - abstain. We did frequent BD with ds1 & ds2. Abstained with #3 and its a girl. I also believe in licorice root for DH.

[Tiggerian]

I must admit I'm not sure how much it really matters - My DD was conceived with sex once in a month, DS1 was conceived with sex every day from AF stopped through O and DS2 was conceived with sex once in a month. =/ The only common denominator for me was diet! I barely ate with DD, ate loads and gained weight with both sons.

[babydust]

I think you should abstain. Your dh is young enough and I feel that it makes for a slightly better sway. But yeah, dtd once as SOON as you can once you get a + opk

[atomic sagebrush]

totally abstain in that situation.

[atomic sagebrush]

Thanks LacePrincess!
Is one better than the other?! He's pretty confident he'd be fine with FR, I just worry that there is pressure to perform daily which doesn't help so I wouldn't want to mess up as we are hoping to conceive ASAP. He has no other risk factors like you mentioned. My cycles have always been very regular, 28 days always but of course the last two months have been so different so I was going to rely on my +OPK for the attempt.

But what is the difference, why do people chose one over the other? Is it simple just what DH can handle - lots of action or no action?

Thanks

abstain is safer for younger men but other than that, it's partly what DH can handle, and also FR allows you to add additional attempts more easily than abstain does, which is good for people who need to get pg quickly due to work obligations, if they're on Clomid, don't have much weight to spare, and similar reasons.

[LacePrincess]

abstain is safer for older men but other than that, it's partly what DH can handle, and also FR allows you to add additional attempts more easily than abstain does, which is good for people who need to get pg quickly due to work obligations, if they're on Clomid, don't have much weight to spare, and similar reasons.

Just wanted to clarify, I'm pretty sure Atomic means abstaining is safer for YOUNGER men. We don't want guys over 35 abstaining.

[black&gold]

Thanks ladies!!! I think abstain is the best bet for us. I wouldn't want to risk it and him not be able to before 2 days before O.. then I'd be so frustrated!!