Help - so afraid I will be too jealous of my sister

[ICB3]

My sister had two boys like I have but she got pregnant by accident and now has a baby girl. I am currently pregnant with DS#3. It's been hard especially because I often feel like how did she get so lucky and me so unlucky. I thought I would have a hard time being around my niece but I actually don't. She is a girl but she is not MY girl so I don't feel too much envy like I thought I would. If that makes sense. I hope to have a close relationship with her so I always act very happy around her and never show my sister any GD. The door isn't closed on me trying for a 4th someday and maybe trying HT so that helps too. Good luck it gets easier as time goes on...

[ocean]

I was single and desperate to not be when my baby sister called to say she was engaged. After the call, I had a good cry. But I told myself that was it, one good cry, and that after that moment I would be nothing but thrilled for her. That's exactly what I did, partly by will but mostly by love. I was the best maid of honor ever if I do say so. And as it turns out, I too was engaged within 18 months to the love of my life.

You're going to love this baby for decades, just like you love your sister. Start now, warm your heart, and you'll feel so much better about yourself too. Jealousy tastes terrible when its about someone you truly love.

[Dreamofpink]

Jealousy tastes terrible when its about someone you truly love.

That's a wonderfully wise way to put it and gave me food for thought. Thank you so much!

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[luckyfourleafclover]

My sister had two boys like I have but she got pregnant by accident and now has a baby girl. I am currently pregnant with DS#3. It's been hard especially because I often feel like how did she get so lucky and me so unlucky. I thought I would have a hard time being around my niece but I actually don't. She is a girl but she is not MY girl so I don't feel too much envy like I thought I would. If that makes sense. I hope to have a close relationship with her so I always act very happy around her and never show my sister any GD. The door isn't closed on me trying for a 4th someday and maybe trying HT so that helps too. Good luck it gets easier as time goes on...

Thanks so much - it makes total sense. I like what you say about her not being MY girl. So nice and supportive to have this website and find people who just get exactly how you feel even tho you are ashamed of hoe you feel.

[luckyfourleafclover]

I was single and desperate to not be when my baby sister called to say she was engaged. After the call, I had a good cry. But I told myself that was it, one good cry, and that after that moment I would be nothing but thrilled for her. That's exactly what I did, partly by will but mostly by love. I was the best maid of honor ever if I do say so. And as it turns out, I too was engaged within 18 months to the love of my life.

You're going to love this baby for decades, just like you love your sister. Start now, warm your heart, and you'll feel so much better about yourself too. Jealousy tastes terrible when its about someone you truly love.

thank you - of course I will love my sisters baby, and I will love it that my boys will have their first cousin! you are right - jealousy does taste terrible

[trifecta]

I have two boys and my sister has two girls. (My other two siblings each have two boys and a girl.) She had her girls long before I had my boys so GD wasn't an issue but I can truly say that my relationship with my nieces is a comfort and something that makes me feel better about my GD. Whenever I think that I didn't get a girl because I was unworthy of a daughter I think of the things I did with them when they were growing up and I know that I would have been fine as a girl-mother. I didn't have two boys because there was anything wrong with me. If your sister has a girl you might be surprised by how much comfort you find in it. I get jealous of people with girls all the time (especially if they have BG) but my nieces are a consolation.

[zibibbogirl]

My brother and sister in law had a baby girl right when I was about to start my HT cycle. When I found out they were having a girl I feared I would resent them if my HT cycle failed because they would have something I didn't have but wanted. But as soon as she was born I was so happy for them, for there to be some pink in our family, I can honestly say I never felt a touch of jealousy or resentment. I was over the moon!

Three weeks later their precious angel passed away. Our entire family was shattered. We all felt like our little girl had been taken away, she was not just their DD. If your sister is having a girl, I really do hope you can be happy for her and that it helps in some way to take away from your GD rather than add to it. And if that does not happen, I agree with NBP, just keep those feelings away from your sister.

[luckyfourleafclover]

OMG that is just too sad. I have no words.

[luckyfourleafclover]

Sorry to come back to this again but my sisters baby is due in 4 days - am making myself sick with anxiety...am so sure she is having a girl...please give me some of your thoughts to help me prepare myself.

[Adia]

Only do what you can handle.

My SIL and brother had a girl after two boys... because SIL ordered it and gets everything she wants. Out of sheer envy that SIL simply ordering a girl and getting one after 2 boys I couldn't hold my niece for the first 2 times I saw her. I just couldn't handle it. I only see them very randomly but this last visit I held her and she's a doll. She's not her mum and I hope the best for her. Her mother favors her way over her brothers and I think that's a shame. She has darling boys but they don't seem to count as much to her.

Decide what you can handle and make up good lies if needs be to cope. If you can't handle seeing your sis in the hospital if its a girl, come up with something. Don't make it harder on yourself than it needs to be.

It always helps me to rehearse what I am going to say when I hear the "good news" I can be more robotic about my reaction than emotional.

Big hugs. Life just isn't fair when it comes to gender of our babies. Keep us posted. We all care!