Big Families - How do you deal with all the comments?

[NCBeachyGrl]

I am super sensitive about the things people say. I try hard not too, but I just can't help it. We decided to tell family about our oops and these are the things I have heard just from today:

• Are ya'll trying to start a reality TV show?
• I'm going to get you a gift certificate to family planning
• Every time I talk to your mother, she tells me you are pregnant

I know that the idea of 4 kids is very daunting to most ppl, so I get it. BUT, these comments just really make me mad and then to hear all the boy comments on top, really get to me. I know there are many, many more comments to come and I just need a pep talk so I can get through it all!

[nuthinbutpink]

I understand not "liking" the comments but you can only control your reaction to them. Why do they bother you? Is there any truth to any of them? Probably not, so just let them roll off and find a way to respond with some humor.

4 kids is a lot! I live with them. We are a crowd but I don't care. I just handle most comments with a smile. I really don't care what other people think of my family because it is MY family.

I would stop telling people it was an oops if you are doing that. That's not going to help matters with the comments.

Be confident. Having 4 kids doesn't make you a freak show, it just means you have a large family! There are worse things in life but people will comment about ANYTHING so if not this, something else. That's what people do so you are going to have to find it in yourself to not care and just live your life!

[Adia]

I think you should say "DH and I just love having sex! What can I say??" That should make them blush and change the subject!

I agree with NBP, don't mention the oops factor if you don't want a negative reaction, only tell people you trust to be happy for you or who like lots of kids too!

[coocoobananas]

I'm the same way NC! And great advice nbp. I hope by the time I hit 12 weeks when I will start telling people that I will 'own' this! I've told my closest family members and they were shocked! My mom now says my dad and her are secretly excited I've been so sick though but no one has checked in with me like they usually do I assume because it's the 4th time and it's old news
I was dissapointed but not surprised that my brother said 'they know how to prevent that right?' Easy for him to say with his pigeon pair! I was hoping my aunt who had 4 would be super excited but she pointed out how she did it in 3 shots. She had b-g then b/g twins, how nice (eye roll) she started saying how we would need to move and blah blah and started making me stress over things I wasn't even thinking of!
So of course thinking my family would be the most supportive of everyone I'm not looking forward to telling the world.
I'm probably going to say something like 'yes this is was as much a shock as it is to you' but of course we're thrilled and then I was going to ask for nice comments only and almost put the comments out for them (this would be on Facebook) like 'yes, we know how to prevent this', 'no we were not trying for a girl' ( and I can honestly say that this time lol)
'Yes we will have our hands full' etc. but again I almost hope I will just announce it like all my others with great excitement and confidence. It's just hard when 4 wasn't really our plan, hard to really own it yah know?

...not sure if there's any advice in there, just obviously can relate

[Lucky-happy-blessed]

We get a lot of comments, we mostly get 'don't you have a TV?' Or 'are you going for a football team' or 'have you figured out whats causing it yet'

Usually we just laugh it off, especially if the person seems nice. But if they are a bit snarky with it the gloves are off

So to the last person who said the TV thing my DH told them that yes, we do have one we just prefer loads and loads of sex that soon shut them up!

[hotdogz&boyz]

Just own it Say..."we always wanted lots of kids! We are thrilled!" I think it's worked the best for us. People always make rude or weird comments when we tell them that we are having another (down the road). We have gotten many of the same you have. Thankfully, mostly from people who don't matter, since my family is totally supportive of us having as many as we want. But we have gotten some super odd comments (the quiver full one confused me!) and I mostly just smile and say "we are just lucky enough to be able to physically, emotionally, and financially have (insert number here) kids! Heck, I figure I am getting better at it each time!" And that usually keeps them quiet. Because to negate that would make it sound like I was doing a crappy job

I, too, wouldn't make it known that the baby wasn't planned. Only because people seem to make particularly rude comments to that knowledge. Although I think coocoos response is pretty good (about being as shocked as the person you are telling). But it's none of their business how the baby came about and it doesn't really matter, in the end. You *could* have been planning another, so that is enough.

But I find positivity and even a nicely timed comment about how you "couldnt imagine 'only' having two" can go a long way toward keeping the rude comments at bay.

(Repeat all this back to me in 6-9 months when the comments start coming in for us! Lol)

[Abifasc]

I'm the oldest of 8 so your family does not seem big to me. Eventually you'll get used to the constant comments because they're always the same. You can try to come up with funny comebacks, but try to let them roll of your back- you know the joy your family has and they don't!

[Princess of Pink]

I prefer to embarrass people. I get the "Don't you own a TV?" all the time...I reply with "Yes we do...we just really like watching porn"....that shuts them up!!

[NCBeachyGrl]

You guys are so right that owning it makes all the difference. I was kind of opening the door to negativity and didn't realize it. Now I just say that we wanted a 4th, happened a little sooner than we expected, and that we are super excited about it. Nothing else for people to say!

This IS my family and it is perfect so I'm not going to let anyone try to bring me down.

[Hobbermittens]

People are scared of what they don't know, and since the "norm" these days seems to be 2 kids per family, 4 kids does seem daunting to some people. I can't even count the amount of times a day that I hear, "You've got your hands full!!" the one I detest is, "You know how that happens, right?" Like I don't know anything about birth control. One day, I was getting my kids out of the car at the grocery store (plus I had the boy I babysit, so I had 5 kids with me total) and this old woman in the parking lot looked at me, her jaw dropped, and she pointed her finger towards us, counting the children. I could see the look of horror on her face as she stared at us the entire way into the store.

But you know what? 4 kids is fun (and a lot of work). My kids like to play together and mostly get along pretty well. I think a busy, energetic household is better than a quiet one. SO when people say rude things (or even comments that aren't meant to be rude, but might offend me if I were more sensitive), I just smile and answer cheerfully, something positive most of the time. Don't let the comments get you down. Those people aren't raising your kids, and their opinion is just that--an OPINION. Stay strong! You will love having a big family.