Big Families - How do you deal with all the comments?

[WantingPink]

This thread has really help me prepare!! I am trying to accept that we are having a 4th. I can just hear it now from my Dad's wife (who I don't get along with) saying something super stupid. When we told her we were having a third she said "you know they make a pill for that"... this coming from the woman who had an unplanned pregnancy when she was 20 and had to drop out of college. So rude!! Plus this is an oops pregnancy big time but don't think I will tell anyone that. So many people have asked me "so now that you have a girl are you done"? My response has always been "yes for now but you never know"...

[ocean]

When people give me the you got your hands full comment I always reply with better than empty.

As I get this comment now with 'only' two kids - I'm trying to imprint this FANTASTIC answer into my brain so I can use it the next time!

It reminds people in a second to just be thankful. Or at least stay silent.

[lovinmyboys]

It's interesting... we live in a very wealthy area outside of Washington DC and are seeing a major trend in larger families (3-5 kids). It's a status symbol! Like the pp said, own it. You will never be bored. You will never be lonely. You will always have each other and your home will be filled with love and laughter. Who wouldn't want that?!?!

I like the idea of coming up with something funny that embarrasses the other person. My friend is one of 3 girls. Her mother used to joke, "My husband doesn't make boys." If I do conceive a boy and hear the negative comments, my response will be, "My husband is really macho. He doesn't make girls." (p.s- I obv don't think this is true but what can a girl do but get defensive?!??).

Good luck and congratulations!

[lovinmyboys]

Whoops, sorry WantingPink. Didn't realize you had a girl in the mix. Still, the large family stuff rings true. Congratulations!

[SamS_TTCPink]

We get these comments and looks and disbelief ALL the time. I hate going out with all the kids cause everyone stares and points and counts. It's horrible and the kids hate it too. I know I shouldn't let it bother me but it's uncomfortable when everyone is staring and pointing or stopping you in the shops to say something stupid! The amount of times we have heard the "haven't you got a TV" and "don't you know what causes it" questions are ridiculous.

Even today, a lady came up to me at the preschool (they never talk to me and she was just trying to sell me party plan products) but I only had 2 of the kids with me. She was talking to me assuming they were our only two kids and when I said "we actually have six" she actually turned around and yelled out to the other mums, "this woman has six children" so I was bombarded with stupid comments and looks of disbelief.

My family are even worse and are so nasty when we tell them I am pregnant, so much so that I hid my last pregnancy for 7 months before we told them, and then I told them via text message (they live down the road)

We also have no friends because everyone has 1-2 children and look down on us, and we don't get invited to any family get togethers either. They also all "judge" us because we never have any money and so we "shouldn't have had so many children, and then given 1 or 2 a "better" life" - mind you we have no money cause we choose to send them to private schools and they all play sport and are spoilt at birthdays, Christmas and everything else!

I am dreading what we're going to cop when we do fall pregnant and it comes time to have to tell people, but I know it's what we want, our family is happy and noisy and lots of work, but it's our family and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks.

On a brighter note, we went out to dinner while we were away and although the whole restaurant stared and pointed and counted....we then had several people come up and say what a beautiful family we had and how amazed they were that so many boys could be so well behaved.

Oh, and I'll have to remember some of those comebacks to stupid comments.

[HopeandDreamG]

I am super sensitive about the things people say. I try hard not too, but I just can't help it. We decided to tell family about our oops and these are the things I have heard just from today:

• Are ya'll trying to start a reality TV show?
• I'm going to get you a gift certificate to family planning
• Every time I talk to your mother, she tells me you are pregnant

I know that the idea of 4 kids is very daunting to most ppl, so I get it. BUT, these comments just really make me mad and then to hear all the boy comments on top, really get to me. I know there are many, many more comments to come and I just need a pep talk so I can get through it all!

I want 4 so badly. Forget what they say. I think it's an amazing number.
The number 4 symbolizes stability and invokes grounded nature of all things in life and nature like the four seasons, four directions and four elements (from Alex woo)
I really wanted twins from HT - now that it's been so hard I'm praying for 1- but I'd love 2!

[SamS_TTCPink]

Sorry... That was a long post!

I do just want to add though that when we had the twins the comments were worse, and they are number 3 & 4....

"We're you trying to have twins"
"Why would you want to do that"
"Are they IVF" - from complete strangers!
"Are you breast feeding"
"Did you give birth naturally"
"Is one nice and one naughty"
"Which one is your favourite"
"I bet that hurt"
"Are they twins" - I once said, no they're triplets but I left one in the car.

I think people just make comments no matter what you're situation, to make themselves feel better maybe or because they couldn't imagine doing what we do? I dunno... It's beyond me sometimes.

[atomic sagebrush]

Mum I hid some of my pregnancies from relatives til 7 months as well. It's like I just didn't want the drama. Surprisingly they took it ok.

I think so many kids are turning out spoiled and incapable these days that "give 1 or 2 a better life" is just rubbish anyway. I think your family is amazing and you are giving them a better life in lots of other ways.

[WantingPink]

I am thinking about hiding this pregnancy from my family for awhile too. Not sure how long I can go but I would love to make it to 5 months. I still have a good 20 lbs of pregnancy weight on me so I might be able to!! My Dads wife told me with my last pregnancy "When your Dad told me you were pregnant I said thats it... we're moving. Then he told me it was a girl and I said well I guess we can stay". I am sure she will make some big deal out of having four kids and having to get them four gifts at Christmas. I can't stand her anyway and when she says stuff about my kids I just want to punch her in here insensitive stupid face!!

People who are honest with me tell me they wish they could have more children. Someone once told me you never regret the children you have, only the children you don't. I think this is so true!! I do wonder if some of the people who make these comments are jealous.

[fiveboysandagirl]

On a brighter note, we went out to dinner while we were away and although the whole restaurant stared and pointed and counted....we then had several people come up and say what a beautiful family we had and how amazed they were that so many boys could be so well behaved.

I love this. We get stared at in restaurants too, but we also get a lot of praise from people about how well behaved our children are. I think that's a huge benefit of having a big family, the children all learn about being a team and waiting their turn for things. You can't be a spoilt brat when you come for a big family!

I too was planning on hiding this pregnancy for as long as possible, but I swear I look 6 months gone already! I'm only 6 weeks! Even with numbers 3, 4 and 5 I didn't show until quite late on. I stayed quite small right up to the end with the last baby. This time my stomach is so bloated! I'll have to make an announcement soon and just come up with a clever response. I was thinking of saying something like "we decided we didn't have enough boys so we thought we'd go for one more." ��