And it strikes again....

[oxox2013]

I am not really 100% where to put this so I am just going to go here and hope for some good feedback. I just had DS#3. He is beautiful of course and I love him to pieces but my heart aches for the love of a daughter. Our limit was 3. We could probably afford 4 after we are done with school (both currently working towards higher degrees) He is 31 and I am 32 so there is still some time. I really don't want to have a baby after 35 so I have really been thinking about this recently and it is weighing so heavily on my heart. I can readily admit that I want a daughter more than I want a baby. I hate the way I cry and cry and feel so down after a 20 week boy scan. I don't know if I can go through that again. I know in the end, I do get a beautiful healthy baby and I am very thankful for that. I know my children are blessings. What I do not know is how to live with a hole in my heart that a daughter would fill. She lives in me somewhere, I just know it. I need to hold her in my arms! I know hubby will go for one more. He has mentioned several times how he would like to have a daughter, but he doesn't have a need that eats him up inside like I do. I don't know if I could convince him to go HT. That would be my option if we could, but I know he would be a hard sell. I did sway for my last baby, but Ill be the first to admit that it was probably a "loose" sway and I didn't do so well on the diet. I guess my question is how much do you believe in swaying? Should I give it another go? What would you do in my situation? Yes I am well aware that these are personal decisions that I have to make on my own, I could just really use some feedback and positive stories from either direction. Did you go for it and get another boy? How does it feel? Did you go for it and finally get that girl? Was it worth it? I need to feel whole. I need to be there 100% for my boys. I need to make a decision and put this to rest once and for all.

[nuthinbutpink]

If you know going into it that HT may be an option, after 3 kids, I would pursue HT. 4 kids is a lot. HT is a rationale, adult decision that if you sit down and run the numbers like a man would, makes sense in the long run.

If you can finance a car, you can afford HT. There are no guarantees but if you choose a good clinic, you will have a very good chance at it working.

[oxox2013]

Do they do financing type things with HT? I know that sounds like a stupid question, but other than putting it on a credit card and "financing" it that way, are there some clinics that offer payment plans? I know there is a good one in Dallas (I live near fort worth) and I am just beginning to look into it... I have read some of the things you have posted nothinbutpink, and it is all useful information but I just still feel like so much of it is way over my head! (which is terrible since I work in the medical field!)

[hotdogz&boyz]

If I were you, and DH would even consider HT, I'd do it. Money means nothing to me. I'd much rather pursue experiences in life. And if having a DD is an experience you can't live without, my suggestion would be to throw everything you have into it.

[KidAtHeart]

I totally could have written your post. After three boys I just couldn't shake the feeling of wanting a daughter. I finally convinced my husband to go HT (I was 39 at the time). Well, HT was a bust for me as I never even got to complete a cycle. We tried twice and then we agreed to stop hemorrhaging money in that way. So, when I turned 40 I knew I had to move on. I gave all my stuff away. I was sad but coping. I made an appt to get an iud put in. In those couple of weeks before my appt, we had unprotected sex twice (sorry for the tmi!). After the first time, I felt full of hope. But after the second time I thought 'what the hell am I doing?!' And that's when I knew I had to move on. Well guess what - I got pregnant!! This child just wanted to be in our family. I was really really nervous about having a fourth boy. Didn't want to find out at the ultrasound. I kept praying to find peace if it were a boy. And I was really terrified something would go wrong, like it would be my punishment for having gd. I know, I shouldn't have to feel that way but I did. My husband talked me into finding out the gender after a late ultrasound. I agreed to it so I would have time to process my feelings (and didn't have to tell anyone if I didn't want to), but not so much time to dwell. And after all of that... It's a girl!!

Now that she's here I can honestly say that it's everything I dreamed of! Not to make you feel bad, but she fills that hole in my heart. Having four kids is not easy and she didn't take away our other problems - but yes, the gd is gone (and replaced by an irrational fear of something bad happening to my kids, lol!.). I often think of my parallel life if she hadn't come along. Certain things would be easier to be sure. But the peace and joy I find is just... You can't put a price on it. I think gd is real, and your feelings are valid even if society can't accept it.

It's a big risk to take. I knew that eventually I would have come to terms if it hadn't gone my way though I'm sure it would have been a long and difficult road. And at least I wouldn't have wondered what if. It still surprises me that I have a girl. I just didn't think it would happen to me. I feel very blessed and wish this feeling on all of you ladies out there who are suffering.