Feeling Frustrated and "behind"

[SamS_TTCPink]

Feeling so crap tonight! I have every ovulation sign under the sun...pain, EWCM, headache & grumpy...and all I want to do is attempt but I know it would be stupid cause I only stopped bleeding yesterday, I haven't got refresh, haven't been on antihistamines and only been back on LE for just over a week! But I'm just over everything!

Because of our loss I feel like I'm 8 weeks behind! And another month seems so far away!! I should have seen a HB yesterday, not an empty tummy and I should be eating for a healthy pregnancy not monitoring everything I think I might eat!! And shouldn't be stressing over the fact that I missed a workout. And then I feel bad and guilty because so many women have so many loses and go thru worse than this and I have six healthy kids and I should just be happy and I shouldn't be complaining about this one early loss!! At the same time though, I think the "emotional" side of the loss has hit me today. I have been so consumed with the physical stuff and the whole "not getting my Xmas baby" (and not thinking at all that I'd be having to go through this) that I hadn't really 'grieved' about the actual loss so that's hit me today too.

It also doesn't help that my Dr told me today I shouldn't have any more kids and questioned why id want to and that DH and I had an argument over what to have for dinner, or that I had a preschool meeting that turned into a discussion about the fact that I have six boys and no girls and whether I want any more and whether or not we could have girls!

I just want to be pregnant again already and I want it to be my girl!!! Why does that seem to be too much to ask. 😞

[Marika]

Oh, I am so sorry Mum. I can really relate to feeling "behind". I also feel like that when I see others with big bellies that have due date in july or august. I was supposed to have that belly now but instead I am here trying to catch these eggs and getting bfn:s.

That dr you had sounds like an idiot. Who is he to comment on your family? I hope you don't put too much weight in his words. Sorry you had to meet him.

Are you adviced not to ttc this early due to your bleedings? I guess everything is individual, but a friend of mine who recently misscarried in 8 weeks "by accident" caught the first egg after 2 weeks.

A big hug to you!

[daisymoo]

With what you've been through recently it's only normal for you to feel so down. But believe me it will get better as a little bit of time passes. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and your last pregnancy was just not meant to be. With the effort you put in to your sway you will definitely get your little girl. She obviously decided that she didn't want to be a xmas baby but has decided she'd prefer to be born in a different month! I think you need to focus on a little tlc for yourself for a few weeks and when you feel better you can tear into another great sway. By the way having another baby is your choice not your doctors so I wouldn't take any notice of him.

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[txmomof3beautifulboys]

Hugs and prayers your way!!

[angielorna]

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough day. It's such a heartbreaking thing, to lose a child, and it hits you sometimes when you least expect it. One of the hardest things to do is to let go of the future you had planned out for you and your children. It's amazing that, as women, we are connected to our children in such a deep way as soon as those double lines show up on the test. We start planning, we start dreaming, we love. It is truley a shattering experience to have it change in the blink of an eye, and not for the better.

You need to take time to begin healing, emotionally. If you want to try, try. If you need to wait, wait. Be kind to yourself and be true to your heart's desire. Do not listen to negative people around you. My personal opinon is that your doctor is an asshat. He needs to work on his bedside manner and take his nose out of things that are not his business. Some people have no tact, empathy or sensitivity.

Try not to beat yourself up for feeling the way you are feeling. Whatever you feel is ok, natural, and part of the grieving process. And as for feeling guilty because others have had "more losses" and you "shouldn't be complaining over one early loss", that is foolish. I'm sorry, but it is true (the foolishness). Early loss, late loss, one loss, 5 losses, they all break your heart. You are not complaining, you are finding a way to cope with the grief and the pain.

I wish I had a magic wand to take away the pain. Unfortunately, the pain is not something that goes away entirely. Though you will find ways to cope, you will find a way to move forward, you will never forget your angel who watches over you and your family. And there will be reminders that will bring sadness, but you will find a way to work your way through them.

You are not behind, it is not a race. I can understand the feeling and the frustration and where it comes from. You "shouldn't" be here now, but you are. Your miracle, rainbow baby will come and she will be even more wonderful than you ever dreamed <3

Take good care of yourself.
Angie

[coocoobananas]

Thinking of you Mum, all you're feelings are valid xx

[Mrs_Incredible]

I'm still getting pg emails telling me I'm xx weeks pg from my January pg. I luckily caught the next egg and that helped me. But the feeling behind, I totally get. Hugs xx


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[laVieEnRose]

Big hugs xxx

[SamS_TTCPink]

I'm still getting pg emails telling me I'm xx weeks pg from my January pg. I luckily caught the next egg and that helped me. But the feeling behind, I totally get. Hugs xx


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I just unsubscribed from everything cause I was getting emails and pop ups on my phone too from apps etc I had installed and it was getting to me. How long after your loss did you O and did you use opk's?

[SamS_TTCPink]

Thank you so much Angie, your post made me feel so much better and "ok" about how I'm feeling and that it's all normal.

And you're so right, that a loss is a loss, no matter when or how far along, and that it does hurt all the same. And yes, we do fall in love as soon as we see those 2 lines! 😊💜

Your post meant a lot and I appreciate it. Thank you. xx