Due in Mar/April/May 2015

[hotdogz&boyz]

Honestly, you've done everything right crazycat. You respect her wishes, are sensitive to her feelings and potential reactions, and are wishing the best for her. It's all you can do. It sounds like she is really struggling and might need that time/recovery period before thinking of babies again. It sounds like you have a good relationship and I et she does not harbor ill-will toward you for any of it (the pregnancy, it being a boy). She just is feeling sensitive and I hope it passes for her soon.

We had out NT scan today!! All looks well and baby is active measurements were good. Anterior placenta confirmed. Boo But everything is going smoothly (minus puking in their sink in the sono room!). Baby was stubborn. Gave one good NT shot with sighting of the nasal bone, then turned away and danced around in there the rest of the time. I didn't really catch sight of any nub that I could be sure was a nub. Once when baby was upside down I thought I saw a stacked boy nub. But it was so quick and baby was moving so much, it was hard to tell. Ill prolly upload the video later to see if anyone sees anything. But I am in love already here is a pic:
image.jpg

[crazycatcouple]

Thanks hotdogz. It's good to at least have a little reassurance with the whole situation.

Your baby is a cutie!! Isn't it crazy to see how active they are in there? I feel like at night I can sometimes feel little bits, but when looking on the screen and seeing all that movement, it's strange when you can't feel it too, lol. How awesome that everything looks good and healthy too! Congrats!!

[Mamato3?]

crazycat
I know how your SIL feels because I have been in her shoes once.
At that time I was so sad about my miscarriage that, besides wanting the best for my SIL and my future nephew, it was very hurtfull to be around her.
For us it was even more difficult cause we all live in the same city, only minutes away from each other's house and every couple of days have family meals and hangouts.
I always blamed myself for feeling this way and had a lot of guilts that I thought of myself instead of being 100% positive and happy for her.
But at that time I had a lot of support from my husband, who was always positive and tried his best to lift my spirit up and finally succeeded .
(I love my nephew so much that I ended up to be his godmother and if I don't have a son of my own, I love him as much-I think being his godmother has helped me a lot to overcome any bad feelings).
I think that you must speak with your brother because, from my experience and especially since her dad is dead, he will play a very importand role in mending her heart.
And of course take all the joy you can in the fact that your dream came true and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, which for me is the happiest period of my life.
You really have done everything right, and the problem your SIL is facing is not that you had your dream come true, it's just that hers hasn't yet.

[crazycatcouple]

Mamato, I think you have a great point about talking with my brother. I know he is very supportive and is her rock, but it's probably not a bad idea to remind him :-) Also, I love the idea of asking them to be the godparents! I think I'll likely wait until closer to baby's birth to ask, but that sounds like such a nice idea. My other brother and sister-in-law are my daughter's godparents, simply because at the time of having her, they were the only couple very settled and already with a child. This brother and sister-in-law were still just newlyweds and travelling the world. Now they have bought a home and are trying to start their own family. Of course, godparents to us means who would be responsible for the child if something were ever to happen to both my husband and I - we even write it in our will.

This is a questions more for everyone, especially those with multiple children, have you asked the same people to be godparents (for legal reasons like I stated above) for all of your children or have you split that honor up? I feel like if anything ever did happen to me and DH, I'd want my kids to stay together, but at the same time, depending on how many kids you have, that could be a lot of responsibility and financial burden, possibly too, to ask one couple. I remember my mom used to tell us that I would go with my aunt who I was closest to (like a second mother really) and my little brother would go to another aunt who had a son near his age, but at that time in our lives, we were older. My older brothers would be on their own already and the two aunts that would have me and my little brother are very close and live in the same city, so it's not like we would really be that separated. Obviously and thankfully the need never arose, but it's something we need to think about now that we have our own families. And then there's the fact that godparents are more than JUST who would have responsibility in that situation, and for that reason, I'd love to be able to give that honor to a different brother/wife combo, as Mamato suggested above, which I think would be really nice. What are your thoughts on god-parenting?? We are not super religious, but still quite spiritual. Does what we put in our will have to match who we ask to be godparents or can that be two separate things? Sorry for getting so deep, but I'd love to hear how others handle this situation to get some ideas and perspective! Thanks ladies!!

PS - Momato, I am sorry you had to go through that, but am glad you had such a supportive hubby to lift you up! I hope your dream comes true, just as I hope my sister-in-law's does too!!

[hotdogz&boyz]

I totally understand what you are asking crazycat. And we treat godparents differently than guardians. The law in the USA also does. God parents are not recognized as guardians unless you specify it in your will (and you did, so you are good!)

What we do: God parents are not our guardians. God parents are more like a confidant and adviser to our child and someone with whom they can have a special relationship. Some of the ones we chose were family friends, some are actually family. Their role is to be there emotionally and spiritually for the child. We selected different god parents for each child. (Hubby's brother, my best friend for #1, my brother, my closest aunt for #2, my other brother, a family friend for #3, and we have selected a married couple whom we are very close to to be the god parents for #4). Guardians are who we specified in our will who will have custody of our children when if we pass. We are lucky because my parents are very young and in great health and wouldn't hear of someone else having custody if something happened to us. For now, I am comfortable with that. My mom and dad can totally handle it. As our children age and my brothers begin families of their own, we might consider them for guardianship. I am not sure if we would have one of them take all four or if we would do something different. But, for now, things are figured out and we will re-address in 5 or so years as my parents desires might change and our family might change. But if I "only" had two kids, I would absolutely keep them together. I wouldn't consider splitting them up at all. And probably would even keep the 4-5 we are planning together. I can't imagine breaking sibling bonds like that. I feel my kids would need each other if something happened to us and I wouldn't want to separate them. But, obviously, it is a consideration whether someone could handle all of them! Lol.

And to answer your direct question, if you treat godparents the same as guardians, I'd appoint the same ones. But by law, the only ones who "matter" are the guardians in your will. And many folks have a separation between god parents and guardians.

[crazycatcouple]

Yes hotdogz, that is perfect! I never really thought of them as separate things, but it definitely makes sense now that we have more than one kiddo, lol. Guardians verse godparents - perfect!

[kitkat18]

Cute baby hotdogz maybe a good thing he /she was so active if you want to go team green for this bubba as I know you are a nub expert!!
Crazycat I would personally just give her some space but let her know you are there to chat if she needs you!
Best of luck with a tricky situation x
Sent from my Windows Phone 8S by HTC using Tapatalk

[stephk]

hotdogz- what a cute baby, congrats

Just very quickly on the godparent/guardian topic as Im about to start work - we only have one DS at the moment and his godparents are my best friend, her ex-partner (they were together for over 8 years and shockingly split up recently) and my brother in law. Our church stipulates that there must be 2 godparents of the same sex and one of the opposit sex. In our will, we specified my best friend and her ex-partner as guardians. Once this baby is born we will have to change our will anyway to include him/her and between now and then we have to consider who the guardian/s will be in our will. I dont want my best friends ex-partner to be in there because then things could get complicated, not that I think he will do anything but its best to be clear. I would prefer my mum to be guardian but she will be 60 next year and the lawyers here say that you shouldnt choose someone who will be elderly before the child turns 18. So its a hard choice but we have a little time to think about it.

crazy - sorry about the situation you are facing. I think give her time and talk to your brother if you think he will handle it in the best way. I totally understand where she is coming from (and where you are coming from too), I think she just needs time to heal. Once she is PG I am sure things will go back to normal.

[eleena2014]

Hi everyone.joining you lot.due may 13th! I'm only 5 weeks this coming wed.its going sooo slow.lol

[SamS_TTCPink]

Welcome eleena!