Outlander

[PrimalMamma]

Actually Mamato3 you are right... My husband is dealing with similar guilt regarding not being able to "give me" a girl. He feels responsible, given that it's his sperm that essentially "decides" the gender. He is a control freak normally & finds it very disconcerting to be powerless over his own sperm to decide which one meets the egg first. Also, he always wanted a daughter first & even chose her name when he was about 10 years old, Isabella Catherine (which we will no longer use due to our family already having too many Isabella's!) I guess GD is a complex & multifacited issue with different shades of disappointment, fear & stress for everyone involved.

[Mrs_Incredible]

My husband felt the same, that i was outnumbered and he was powerless to do anything for us to get the dd we have both longed for. He saw that i was sad, he held me after our scan with ds3 and wiped away my tears (i think it hit me so hard because we swayed ig style for 10 months and had 2 losses along the way). I was lucky that he wanted a daughter too. He went for number 4 fully believing it would be a boy (as did i) just so i would be content that we gave it every shot we could, he did it for me as he felt being 38&39 we were getting too old but wanted to make me happy. We got lucky, it's a girl, and to see the shock, disbelief and joy on his face when i gave him a card telling him we were having a daughter was priceless. I didn't think we stood a chance. GD sucks regardless of what gender your heart desires, or if you are the mum or dad with the desire. To not have the understanding of your other half must make it so much harder xx

[sweetdream]

My dh felt the same.
Though he would be happy leaving it with the 3 boys.
He knew how much my hard aches for a girl. Also he would love one too.

I don't think its nessacary to compare any emotions.
Last time a saw someone being put down cause of GD. She should have been happy to concieve at all. Cause they couldn't.

I don't get the sociaty were everything is put next to each other.
Why may ppl not just feel how they feel. Why must the one be worse then the other.
Everything seems to be a competition.
It's with the children who is cutest brightest fastest or even sickest.

I know it wasn't ment this way. And we want to be supportive to all. Sometimes we sorrow in our own grieve to much to see others grieve. Wether its the same or different. Its still grieve.

I don't think that all ppl with pp can't relate or dont understand.
Some ppl are just dumb. But not all. Some ppl do understand and want to chear us up. But we just feel resentfull towards them. Cause they have something we want. Its not always fair to put everything in their lap. Sometimes we need to look in the mirror and own our thoughts and feelings.

I don't want to sound harsh or something cause I DO understand GD. Very well.
I know i'm lucky to finally get my DG.
But it doesnt erase years of emotions and bad feelings. I know some ppl are just plain rude. But some really mean well but i just made the comments worse in my head.

Hope you guys understand what i'm saying

[Mrs_Incredible]

This is one of the only places (except irl a few close friends and my family) where i could express honestly my desire for a daughter without it being bashed because "you get what you get/lucky to have children" etc, where the desire for a dd or ds is understood. It's not something you can really be open about irl. Especially talking to someone who has their dg, they can be the cruelest and most harsh imo. They don't need to get it, they have their hearts desire. I will always remember my desire and how close i was to saying goodbye to a lifelong dream, and how sad and lonely that felt in my heart x

[2boysJustOneGirl]

I think you are all right. I never intended any harm in my post and I am actually sorry I posted anything at all. Won't happen again. As I said before, when you are in the depths of gender desire there is no right thing anybody can say and I guess that includes myself. So I am just going to shut up, it's too easy to miscalculate and misuse words when you are highly emotional and I am not up for being a villain in a place where we are all supposed to have the freedom to express our gender desire.

[Mrs_Incredible]

2boysjustonegirl - that's what this forum is for hun, don't stop posting, that's why we have this safe place!! I think i responded to the posts just before mine rather than the original. Gd sucks. If i hadn't had ig (back in 2009-2011) and then this site i would have gone mad. I have 3 boys and always felt the outsider as i was the only all boy mum surrounded by little girls with both family and friends having girls. I have a wonderful friend who is very open about the fact she would have been gutted for her only child to have been a boy despite facing ivf just before she fell pg. I don't think you said anything that we've not all felt or faced or lived. Huge hugs xxx

[Dreamofpink]

I too am so thankful for this forum. The sheen of wonderful new babyness has worn off now ds3 is older & GD came back with a vengeance about 4 months ago. I'm still desperate for my own DD & want to start ttc in the new year. The only problem is that AF hasn't returned due to me still bf. Ds3 is now 10 months old! It came back at 8 months pp with my last two. DH I think will allow me to try again but very reluctantly. He is so happy with his boys & says it's just the way the cookie crumbles. He was happy to be done at two & says three is more than enough when I say I want a big family. I'd like two more. I love my boys so so much but hate that left-out feeling too. DH says that if we'd had girls, he'd have been slightly disappointed but not enough to do anything about it. He'd have stuck at two regardless of gender. I just cannot give this dream up, I can't. I feel so close to tears right now, especially after finding out today that my SIL had her girl a month ago. DH is estranged from his family so we found out by looking on FB. I try to keep that deep dark fluttering of fear of never having a dd locked deep down, but I can feel it trying to get to the surface. I desperately want to buy a plan but need to run it by DH first as we share all our finances. I'm just scared to talk plans rather than how I just gently remind him atm that I'm not done. I don't want arguments, I just wish he got it & I hate his family for their complete lack of empathy. He tries but having never had much understanding come his way as a child, it's not that easy for him. I feel quite alone eventhough I have all-boy friends but one who has 5 boys is very happy with no GD. The other (with 3 boys) I don't think would admit to GD but she isn't done so I'm guessing she's still holding out hope! I hate GD

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[sweetdream]

You shouldn't shut up. I think what you just said is perfect.
You aknowledge that you own the part were Some of the GD is your own. And your allowed too. You are in deep without judging anyone.

The forum is here to support you. Just spill how you feel.


We all have had Some or all of those feelings.
And they are horrible. But sometimes you can't help yourself
But I would advise you to enjoy what you have and see the if you can seperats you GD from your children that you have. (Easyer said then done) it needs time.
And maybe try to think positive.

Just that there was still a small shot for our DG helped me through tough times.
And while I was doing great most times there were times GD overwhelmed me. Sometimes you just need to let that go and give it a place.

There will be better times for you too.
Don't stop talking. Its written words. I love the way ppl communicate here.
There was a disagreement or misunderstanding and its been discussed in a very respectful way!
As it Should be.
I think everyone deserves a compliment for that.


Big hugs

[sweetdream]

Dreamofpink. I'm sorry bout your inlaws!
I hope you can run it by your DH.
I reminded mine sometimes too. If he was willing to try one last time
We did Some old wives tail sway with ds2
We didn't hear bout good swaying till ds3 was Born.
A friend got a girl with swaying GD-style.

She helped me.
I was lucky with a supportive DH and mother.
I didn't tell others bout swaying.

But just the support of those 2 helped. It took us 3yrs to TTC again. We almost left it at that. We gave ourselfs six months. Got pg on the 5th.

I hope everyone will get there DG or at least soms peace of mind

[Mamato3?]

I think you are all right. I never intended any harm in my post and I am actually sorry I posted anything at all. Won't happen again. As I said before, when you are in the depths of gender desire there is no right thing anybody can say and I guess that includes myself. So I am just going to shut up, it's too easy to miscalculate and misuse words when you are highly emotional and I am not up for being a villain in a place where we are all supposed to have the freedom to express our gender desire.

2boys you are not a villain, why do you feel this way?
Your thread gave us the chance to discuss several issues like girl and boy stereotypes as well as the reasons each one of us suffers GD.
As far as I'm concerned you have every right to feel GD as well as everybody here.
I haven't felt offended by your posts, I just wanted to share with you and the other ladies how it feels on the other side of the fence.
I'm sorry if my comments have made you feel uncomfortable, it wasn't my intention.
I truly hope everybody suffering from GD ends up having their desired child, because it very hard to cope with it and only we understand how hard it is.