whats wrong with me

[jen75]

what's wrong with me?
I have had a really really bad day today. I have been finding going back to all the baby bit really hard. I am tired fat and miserable. i got a text from my cousin today and she is expecting a much wanted boy, they already have a girl and thats it, done and dusted in 4 years start to finish, perfect!! i have been trying for 18 years and still no girl for me. My DH was cross as he said he thought i would be ok as it is a boy, but i 'm not. I am just so jealous and resentful. i am sick of looking after and raising boys and now i have to do this all over again and everyone around me seems to get at least one of each especially if they have 3 or more and its the comments when i say i have 4 boys it soul destroying. I am struggling with dh and a house full of testosterone. i feel like i just want to run away. i do love my boys but it just so hard for me to really be interested in the boys stuff, such as rugby, x box, cadets etc.... I worry that i am not able to do this again for ds4. Dh says he will take ds4 and go to his mums for a bit if i want, but i am worried i will not want them to come back and then i will be on my own again with the other 3 ds's anyway. also our 15 year old ds2 is being foul at the moment, i know it goes with the age, but it is causing huge friction between me and dh as we do not always agree on parenting style and so i think is adding to the stress. I wish my jealousy, disappointment and resentment would just go away, i am so tired. i hope this will ease soon,
thanks for reading ladies, xxxx

[motherofboys]

I have 4 boys, aged 8 - 1. I know the comments and the jealousy and disappointment. I was fine for month, then a few weeks ago a friend announced a girl, after just 1 boy (who's 4) they didn't even plan a second baby. That sent me spiralling back into GD for a while and I'm only just surfacing.
Huge hugs to you


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[Adia]

You are overwhelmed, exhausted, sad, etc. All those things catch up to all of us at times.

Pulling back and taking good care of yourself is really the only solution to making yourself feel better. It is just easier to be miserable and sad than the hard work required to make ourselves feel better. Especially when we feel like no one else is going to work to make us feel better.

I *thought* I read that you were considering HT? If you are considering it, it may be time to make the decision and then figure out how to make it happen. Even if DH isn't in agreement and finances don't look easy, when their is a will, their is a way.

I have no idea about adoption in the UK, but is that an option? Is that something you are interested in? Adoption in the US has changed a lot in the last 20 years and it isn't as easy as it once was.

Hang in there Jen...if I remember your baby isn't very old and that only adds to the stress. DD1 is almost 16 so I will have a teenager, young kids, and a baby all at once too after next summer!!!

[1+2+3boys]

I so agree with Adia word for word. Hugs to you.

[atomic sagebrush]

That is one thing that still gets to me after all this time, when people get PP seemingly effortlessly. YOu're not alone.

[amo]

I'm really fighting feeling depressed and angry too. Nearly everyone I know has had one of each, every single one of my cousins (and I have a lot of cousins!) friends, friends of friends and the worst my best friend. I'm trying so hard not to feel resentful towards her but it's really hard.
I also have 2 sisters in law who haven't started families just yet but one is pregnant. I'm really hoping they don't go on to have the perfect pair in the years to come as I know although it's years away that that will bring all this straight back.
So you're definitely not alone.

[jen75]

thank you so much ladies. your replies and support really help me. I thank God for this site as i know i would not be able to cope without this safe place. i wish you all a happy New Year and hope we get some much deserved inner peace. Love to you all.xxxxxx