Unwelcome FB Xmas surprise

[LacePrincess]

I hate cutesy FB announcements. Especially ones that come out of the complete blue.

So I was already having a pretty miserable Christmas. I caught some awful tummy bug that hit me RIGHT on Christmas Eve, so I was alone by myself with soup on Christmas day as all the kids and DH went to my inlaws for Xmas dinner. So it already SUCKED being alone and sick.

Then, scrolling through FB, like a punch in the gut, I see our neighbour's cutesy FB preggo announcement. The neighbour that already has a perfect pigeon pair, and while she didn't announce gender I just bet it's another girl.

Yeah, Merry Christmas to me, that evening ended in some bitterly jealous tears. Now I feel like it's a race for me to even get preggo before her new baby gets here so I won't feel even MORE bitterly jealous not to be preggo at all. I can't win with my GD envy anyways - if the baby is a girl, I'll be jealous that it's a girl. If the baby is a boy, I'll be jealous watching her daughter be a new big sister. UGH.

I've been a LTTTC'er before (long term TTC) and the feelings of feeling infertile and the GD really are so similar. The two combined are just a double whammy of pain. And of course, then there's the guilt that I don't have the right to feel ANY of this when I truly am already blessed thrice over, but there it is. I really hate how bad it hurts when what happens to someone else (especially not even a relative) has nothing to do with my life at all, and yet I still feel like utter sh!t.

[nuthinbutpink]

Well, I was just on FB and read this from Joel Osteen-

When you’re in tough times and it looks like you’re never going to break out, you’ve got to say, “I won’t be staying here long. This may be where I am but it is not who I am. I am blessed.”

Say 10x. Hugs.

[LacePrincess]

Thanks NBP.

I don't really resent my neighbour for her blessings, she's a wonderful mom and really nice woman. We're friends. It would be easier maybe if she was a bitch, then I could hate her freely, but she's not so that makes me feel worse.

Not that I think my pain in any way compares to infertile ladies AT ALL, but in a way there's more guilt with GD. With GD, we get similar longing feelings but HUGE guilt too, at least I do. I *am* blessed and I wouldn't trade my boys for anything. The thought of another chubby baby boy makes me delighted at the thought! But it doesn't fill this gaping need I have either.

I wonder if some of this ridiculously intense yearning comes from this need to have a mother/daughter relationship that I never had? I really do. I had an absolute crap relationship with my mom (to the point where we've cut off contact years ago) and I wonder if this intense yearning to have a girl is a way of filling that missed experience of having a nurturing, healthy and happy mother/daughter relationship.

[1+2+3boys]

Sorry to hear about your Crappy Christmas and I hope that you are feeling better now. I know how that feels re the FB announcement. It really does suck. Your bad relationship with your Mum could very possibly have a bit to do with it. I think it does with me too. But sometimes you can just not explain it. It is just there and it has nothing to do with how greatful we are for our boys or any more that would come.
I heard a song today that said
"A dream is a wish your heart makes,"
I think it describes the longing for a daughter well

[LacePrincess]

I'm a Disney girl so yes, I know those lyrics well!

[atomic sagebrush]

i have no advice, just ((((Hugs))))!

Something I find very interesting is that there seems a pretty even split between those who didn't have a great relationship with their moms and then those who had a wonderful relationship and want to recreate it. I really, truly believe that GD is innate and when we go looking for reasons, we always find them, but it's really just born into us and no amount of psychoanalysis can ever really explain it - the heart wants what it wants!

[LacePrincess]

I totally agree, I can't explain it intellectually. Everytime I try I can 'devil's advocate' my way right out of any logical argument for wanting a girl. It doesn't make sense, it just is what it is.

And of course I know that life isn't going to magically get perfect if I get a girl. It just feels like there's a piece of pie that's missing....that missing piece is probably not going to taste any better than any other piece, and in fact maybe the first piece even tastes better, but it's still missing. And, dangit, I'm a completionist (to use video game terminology) and OCD and it doesn't feel right when there's an empty space!

[covered in blue]

I know exactly what you mean Lace. The other day when we were going out I counted the kids like I always do. They were all there but I was like one's missing. I went back inside to look for the missing one

[LacePrincess]

I know exactly what you mean Lace. The other day when we were going out I counted the kids like I always do. They were all there but I was like one's missing. I went back inside to look for the missing one

I haven't felt that quite so literally yet, but spiritually for sure.

[Adia]

Its so interesting the way GD hits all of us differently. I have a brother and SIL who are VERY religious. They have a few boys but really want a girl.
It almost strikes me as 'unwarranted' GD because they are SO into religion which dictates - be grateful for what God gives you.....you have no right to ask God for more than what you already have, etc.

But they REALLY want a girl. They are funny and I think they both really want both sides of the coin and want the experience of a girl. I think they would feel the same about a boy if they had all girls.

My brother has a tough relationship with my mom and his relationships with me and our sisters is fine, but not close. SIL comes from a family with a lot of girls and one boy....so who knows! Like Atomic said, the heart wants what it wants!!!