boy bashing

[pink_bean]

This is just a vent but it really gets to me when some moms of multiple boys or worse girl moms who never want boys, go on rants on GD forums about how terrible having boys is. I have 2 small boys so maybe I don't know what I'm in for and yes, I wish I had a daughter too. But my boys are both very sweet, handsome and well behaved for their age. Do they do annoying things sometimes? Yes but all kids do (and adults too, let's be real.) Do I wish I could do girly things with a daughter and buy pretty clothes for her? Of course, but how does bashing boys make me feel better about not getting to do this?

I understand people need to vent when they have GD. I definitely get that but I think there is a way to do it that might be more purposeful and helpful to someone else in the same situation. But maybe I will be eating my words someday but for now it just feels very hurtful to read some of the terrible things mothers think of little boys.

I don't see the bashing happen much on this board, I feel like we all love our children we just wish we could experience the other side. That's what we are disappointed about. It seems like most of the women here try and be supportive and encourage positivity when someone has GD and I think that is why I feel comfortable here. Sorry I was just lurking on another board and the boy bashing really depressed me.

[hotdogz&boyz]

I get irritated with gender stereotypes anyway. Negative ones are especially irritating. I've found that folks tend to have negative opinions about little boys and teenage girls. So, really, you can't win no matter what you get. Lol.

I have three boys and a girl and, so far, I don't think any of them fit into typical stereotypes. My oldest is very emotional and rather introverted. HE is also impatient as all get out. My second is LOUD and constantly happy. HE loves to color and build puzzles for hours. My third is demanding and never stops moving. SHE also loves shoes and climbing onto the counters. My fourth is a baby, so we don't know what he will end up being like. I'm sure it will be his own unique person.

I really understand it. I know stereotypes came about because someone noticed trends. But there are so many who don't fit those stereotypes. And so many who DO, who are sort of "forced" into it because they are acting out a self-fulfilling prophecy. I do believe that if a parent thinks a son will be loud and wild and unruly...that is probably how their child will be if they don't change their view. Either because they can't stop letting their stereotypes color their perception, or because their child will be labeled as such so often, the child will begin to live up to that belief.

Try not to let it get to you. You know the real story about little boys. That they an be wonderful and joyous and so loving...just like a little girl.

[tm29]

I'm a girl mom completely longing for a little boy and from my perspective it feels like everyone makes it sound so much better to have a boy! I can't tell you how lucky I think you are to have boys! But your points are so right - the stereotypes are ridiculous and distorting. Having said that, there genuinely are different experiences to be had with boys and girls or we wouldn't all be doing this. I can understand the desire for a girl AND I can understand the desire for a boy. Makes total sense to want both experiences if age and fertility and finances will allow it. Bashing of either gender seems to me to have more to do with deep seated personal issues relating to that gender which someone may or may not be aware of. I was terrified of having a girl because of my bad relationship with my mother. Unconsciously I though I'd only have a positive experience of motherhood if it was NOTHING like me and my mother. Before I undersold this, if you'd asked me why I wanted a boy I would have said 'they're so much more fun' or some other stereotyping statement. But the truth was more complex and personal - as it is every time someone diminishes either gender in my opinion.

[tm29]

Understood not undedsold

[jessicamickelson2015]

I would like a man I am able to call a man....

[jessicamickelson2015]

Understood not undedsold

[IMG][I[emoji5] [/IMG][/IMG]

I would like a man I am able to call a man....

[Claire33]

I haven't read much boy bashing here or on Ingender. In real life on the other hand... a bit too much boy bashing! I just tell people who do boy bashing that my eldest is the easiest and most relaxed child you can get, easier than most girls. That usually shuts them up! My youngest is proving to be pretty chilled out too, everybody comments on how easy and relaxed he is. My middle one is most feisty. Personality says more than gender, that's for sure!

[Claire33]

Pink bean, that is also the reason I wanted a girl, in order to "correct" the mistakes my mother made with me, which is crazy if you think about it. I wanted to give a daughter the mother I never had, and I ended up with 3 boys instead. I also realize now that giving a child a loving mother can just as well be done with boys. Boys need a loving kind mother just as much as a girl does. I can give my boys just as much love as any daughter. And with my boys I don't feel the pressure to be "perfect", which is believe is good for both me and them.

[pink_bean]

Pink bean, that is also the reason I wanted a girl, in order to "correct" the mistakes my mother made with me, which is crazy if you think about it. I wanted to give a daughter the mother I never had, and I ended up with 3 boys instead. I also realize now that giving a child a loving mother can just as well be done with boys. Boys need a loving kind mother just as much as a girl does. I can give my boys just as much love as any daughter. And with my boys I don't feel the pressure to be "perfect", which is believe is good for both me and them.

I completely agree, boys need a loving, attentive mother just as much as girls. I realized after becoming a mother, I'm not the perfect mother I imagined I would be, and that's ok. I can still be a good mom. When I was pregnant with my first son I told another mom that I thought having a boy would be easier. I had GD and I really meant it would be easier for me (because I'm not good at doing hair, among other reasons). I realize now I shouldn't have said that as she had 2 girls but I was really trying to make myself feel better, not make someone else feel bad. I still think in some ways I will be a better boy mom even if I wanted a daughter.

[trifecta]

I completely agree, boys need a loving, attentive mother just as much as girls. I realized after becoming a mother, I'm not the perfect mother I imagined I would be, and that's ok. I can still be a good mom. When I was pregnant with my first son I told another mom that I thought having a boy would be easier. I had GD and I really meant it would be easier for me (because I'm not good at doing hair, among other reasons). I realize now I shouldn't have said that as she had 2 girls but I was really trying to make myself feel better, not make someone else feel bad. I still think in some ways I will be a better boy mom even if I wanted a daughter.

I want a daughter but I too thought raising boys would be easier than girls. In reality, now that I'm parenting them, having boys doesn't absolve me of my childhood baggage as I thought it would. I really wanted a boy and then a girl because I thought my issues with my older sister would make it hard for me to deal with sibling rivalry if I had a girl first. As it turns out I have two boys and sibling rivalry is STILL a hot-button issue for me. I have to work really hard to keep some emotional distance. I think in many ways birth order is more important than gender.