boy bashing

[hopper]

There does seem to be a lot of boy bashing both online and IRL. I am part of a group of mothers who all gave birth within a 6 month period, we met online and talk on FB regularly on a private group. Several of them have recently had their DD after having a DS first and they are all so quick to tell me to enjoy my boys cause boys are easier than girls. I don't buy into this for one moment! IMO it is completely down to the individual, stereotypes be damned!! There are only 3 of us from a group of 30 to have all boys and it is ALWAYS being said "Oh I bet you wish you had a girl!" There's one mother with 2 girls and due her third child later this year, she doesn't know the gender but she says the only reason she would want a boy is "for" her DH. Like boys aren't for their mothers too!! My SIL asked me one day why I kept a memory box for each of my boys - like why would I bother being sentimental!! She has 2 girls and kept nothing of theirs.

[PrimalMamma]

Yeah I'm pregnant with DS3 (due in 5 weeks) & holy moly, the reactions of some people - absolute dismay, I've had a few say "Oh no!" Like it is the worst thing that could happen, and one even said "I feel SO sorry for you" and then went on & on about how terrible and awful boys are, how painful it will be to be the "mother-in-law" and how neglected I will be in old age (my 2 biggest fears) and then, to try to fix what she had said, she said "Well, with 3 sons you might get lucky, maybe one of them will marry a girl whose mother has DIED and you can become like her mother & it will all be ok." Like there was no other option - a daughter-in-law with no mother would be the only thing that could POSSIBLY fix my life if I couldn't have a daughter of my own. Anyway today I am off to see Cinderella with my eldest son (he's turning 6 tomorrow) because I also don't believe in gender stereotyping and he wants to see it and HIS idea of a happily ever after is getting married & having babies. So in your face to that snooty girl mother! [emoji12]

[Claire33]

OMG, people are just so rude and inconsiderate!

I've also gone to "girly" films with my sons, they enjoy them just as much as any girl! And when my kids get older, I will ask my boys to join me at the spa

[trifecta]

Yeah I'm pregnant with DS3 (due in 5 weeks) & holy moly, the reactions of some people - absolute dismay, I've had a few say "Oh no!" Like it is the worst thing that could happen, and one even said "I feel SO sorry for you" and then went on & on about how terrible and awful boys are, how painful it will be to be the "mother-in-law" and how neglected I will be in old age (my 2 biggest fears) and then, to try to fix what she had said, she said "Well, with 3 sons you might get lucky, maybe one of them will marry a girl whose mother has DIED and you can become like her mother & it will all be ok." Like there was no other option - a daughter-in-law with no mother would be the only thing that could POSSIBLY fix my life if I couldn't have a daughter of my own.

Oh wow, what an unbelievable lack of self-awareness some people have.

[pink_bean]

Yeah I'm pregnant with DS3 (due in 5 weeks) & holy moly, the reactions of some people - absolute dismay, I've had a few say "Oh no!" Like it is the worst thing that could happen, and one even said "I feel SO sorry for you" and then went on & on about how terrible and awful boys are, how painful it will be to be the "mother-in-law" and how neglected I will be in old age (my 2 biggest fears) and then, to try to fix what she had said, she said "Well, with 3 sons you might get lucky, maybe one of them will marry a girl whose mother has DIED and you can become like her mother & it will all be ok." Like there was no other option - a daughter-in-law with no mother would be the only thing that could POSSIBLY fix my life if I couldn't have a daughter of my own. Anyway today I am off to see Cinderella with my eldest son (he's turning 6 tomorrow) because I also don't believe in gender stereotyping and he wants to see it and HIS idea of a happily ever after is getting married & having babies. So in your face to that snooty girl mother! [emoji12]

Well, I will say congrats to you on your new son! People are so rude. How is having a healthy baby something to be sorry about? Im sorry you have to hear those comments.

[pink_bean]

There does seem to be a lot of boy bashing both online and IRL. I am part of a group of mothers who all gave birth within a 6 month period, we met online and talk on FB regularly on a private group. Several of them have recently had their DD after having a DS first and they are all so quick to tell me to enjoy my boys cause boys are easier than girls. I don't buy into this for one moment! IMO it is completely down to the individual, stereotypes be damned!! There are only 3 of us from a group of 30 to have all boys and it is ALWAYS being said "Oh I bet you wish you had a girl!" There's one mother with 2 girls and due her third child later this year, she doesn't know the gender but she says the only reason she would want a boy is "for" her DH. Like boys aren't for their mothers too!! My SIL asked me one day why I kept a memory box for each of my boys - like why would I bother being sentimental!! She has 2 girls and kept nothing of theirs.

I have a memory box for my boys, too. ��

[pink_bean]

Yeah I'm pregnant with DS3 (due in 5 weeks) & holy moly, the reactions of some people - absolute dismay, I've had a few say "Oh no!" Like it is the worst thing that could happen, and one even said "I feel SO sorry for you" and then went on & on about how terrible and awful boys are, how painful it will be to be the "mother-in-law" and how neglected I will be in old age (my 2 biggest fears) and then, to try to fix what she had said, she said "Well, with 3 sons you might get lucky, maybe one of them will marry a girl whose mother has DIED and you can become like her mother & it will all be ok." Like there was no other option - a daughter-in-law with no mother would be the only thing that could POSSIBLY fix my life if I couldn't have a daughter of my own. Anyway today I am off to see Cinderella with my eldest son (he's turning 6 tomorrow) because I also don't believe in gender stereotyping and he wants to see it and HIS idea of a happily ever after is getting married & having babies. So in your face to that snooty girl mother! [emoji12]

My husband thinks I should consider myself lucky to have to boys who will protect me. He LOVES his mom, his face lights up when they talk on the phone. (She is in another country.) Also, my grandpa and his brothers took care of their mom when she was old. And my paternal grandmother lives with one of her sons and his family (and she has 3 daughters!)Actually, I could go on and on with examples of people I know. So, that's BS that boys will abandon their moms. I moved thousands of miles away from my mom, to get away from her. So, having a daughter doesn't guarantee a thing! I think it's all in the relationship you build with your children.

Also, I think all girl moms get hurtful comments, too. Maybe things like "your poor husband" or other rude variations of the same.

[Claire33]

I'm always happy to read stories of men looking after their elderly mothers. My mom definitely fuels my GD by going on and on about how things are so much easier with an own daughter rather than a son and/or daughter-in-law.

She has 2 daughters and a son. She also has a sister and 2 brothers. My mother and aunt were most involved in the care of my elderly grandmother while my uncles also came to visit, but did more things like gardening and fixing things. Which is also really valuable btw! My mom and aunt were actually over involved in her care and didn't allow the care home she eventually moved to, to do a lot of the things they were supposed to do. So I really don't get that. So my mom still goes on about how women look after their mothers and how it's more complicated with sons. Well, now both her daughters live far away from her, and her only child left in her area is her son. Way to alienate your son and his family!

I am not close to my mother, and I really don't feel like taking care of her when she is old. She is not a loving mother and I don't feel like all of a sudden being caring towards her when my entire life she has criticized me and put me down, and had major anger issues and most definitely an undiagnosed personality disorder. So seriously mom, don't expect me to come to your care home several times a week and take care of you! I really hope my brother steps up to the plate, as he is the one living closest. Although things are not going well there either, as my brother just had his first baby and my mom is already screwing things up by commenting on how they do things and trying to tell them what they do wrong. Not going down well with my brother and SIL!

Ha ha, as you can read, I'm having some major mom-issues here! Which is the whole reason why I wanted a daughter, so I could "do things right". Which I now realize that I can just as well do with my sons. I'll probably screw up my kids in my own unique way anyways, and I'll hear about it in about 20 years time

[XXforhubby]

Claire-I had almost the exact same relationship with my mother too! We have since worked on things together, but I too will not be caring for her though when she gets older- we are like oil and water if we live together, but separately we can get along great now.

My MIL on the other hand, is the mom I never had! We used to work together and people would always refer to her to me as my mom, or refer to me to her as her daughter. She has said that I am the daughter she never had [emoji4]! I couldn't survive without her! When she gets old, she will live with us. Seriously, I have never been mad at her or have thought ill towards her ever in the 14yrs I have been with DH! That says a lot!

It goes to show that it is the type of relationship that you have with someone that matters. My DS1 is always saying to me, "I will always have to live close to you Mommy, because you are so much fun and get me". He is 4yrs old, but we are so much alike it isn't even funny. So yeah I get him, because I am that way too!




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[Claire33]

That is a really lovely story XX! About your MIL and your DS1. Warms my heart My DS1 is also very close to me, a year ago he was sad a lot worrying that he one day would have to move out

What is it about your MIL that makes her so great? Just wondering For inspiration!

I'm glad things are going better between you and your mom. Things are a little better now between me and my mom too, but she will never be the mom I need, always someone who looks at everything through critical glasses.