Do you feel "left out"?

[hopper]

I agree with this in a way. I don't feel left out, as such. More like I can see the future and see the relationship these girl moms may have with their DD and it makes me sad I *may* never get to have that relationship. The fact I feel like this doesn't reflect on my relationship with my boys who I love beyond measure, its a reflection on me and the relationship I have with my own mother and how I long to right those wrongs with a DD of my own. I know lots of mothers with a PP and I do feel that those moms can be quite smug mainly when they have a DS first and then go on to have their girl. A friend of mine had her DD recently and shes like a different person, that just makes me feel sorry for her though. If having a PP makes you a smug so-and-so then I'm even more happy I have my sons.

I do feel a bit left out at large family gatherings with my in-laws as our household is the only one without a daughter and they all share clothes and bring their DDs for "girls days out" and even did a sign language class for my niece with Downs that I wasn't asked to partake in. I try to take the "ostrich approach" most of the time and just ignore things but sometimes it proves to be hard.
All of that being said I'm being positive about ttc our third child. My friends mom recently said if I put positives thoughts/vibes out there then they will come back to me and my life will be more positive and full filling as a result. I'm hoping that we end up with a DD at some stage but if we don't I hope that maintaining a positive outlook will mean I can be at peace with it more easily and seeing other moms with their DDs won't continue to trigger my GD.

[atomic sagebrush]

bump this for me, have something to add

[jen75]

bump!!

[trifecta]

I think there's also a difference between feeling left out socially and feeling left out of a life experience.

I've sometimes experienced feeling left out socially because I don't have a girl but what bothers me much, much more is feeling left out of this life experience. It's almost like a rite of passage I'm being denied and that makes it harder to move on to the next stage of my life: the post-childbearing years of raising bigger kids. It's so hard to move on without having had this experience that was really important to me.

[trifecta]

bump

[XXforhubby]

I think there's also a difference between feeling left out socially and feeling left out of a life experience.

I've sometimes experienced feeling left out socially because I don't have a girl but what bothers me much, much more is feeling left out of this life experience. It's almost like a rite of passage I'm being denied and that makes it harder to move on to the next stage of my life: the post-childbearing years of raising bigger kids. It's so hard to move on without having had this experience that was really important to me.

DH said almost the exact same thing to me last night. He was explaining his GD with me and felt that he was missing out on a huge life experience of raising a daughter. It is a very visceral feeling for him, almost like feeling there is someone missing from our family. I sure hope this baby I'm carrying is a girl for his sake! I can't imagine having another baby after this one- three will be enough for me!


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[netti02]

DH said almost the exact same thing to me last night. He was explaining his GD with me and felt that he was missing out on a huge life experience of raising a daughter. It is a very visceral feeling for him, almost like feeling there is someone missing from our family. I sure hope this baby I'm carrying is a girl for his sake! I can't imagine having another baby after this one- three will be enough for me!


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OMG this is exactly how i feel. Like something is missing. Its how im going to feel for the rest of my life. Still up in the air about no5. I just feel in limbo right now

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[hopper]

I was recently discussing my GD with the only person other than DH I would feel comfortable talking about it with and she just GOT it! She has a PP and had her DD first. She said she had no desire either way but the moment her DD was placed in her arms she said she just felt complete. Like a part of her had been missing and she never knew. I told her I feel like that daily and she really sympathized with me. It was nice to be understood by a non-GD sufferer.

[netti02]

Glad you could share it hopper. I don't have many people I can share it with due to my own feelings still aswell as worry people won't understand. I don't have alot of close female friends and the one I do have has fertility issues and I wouldn't feel right talking to her about it. My sister has told me to 'get over it' before (she has x2 girls) so there is no way in hell i would talk to her about it. So apart from dh and here its pretty much my only outlet. I really feel like my daughter is missing. I just don't know how to get her home

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[hopper]

I totally couldn't share it with anyone else. Other mothers seem to get a thrill out of mom shaming other mothers, the only time I mentioned it in a room of other moms they made me feel *this* big with phrases like "whats wrong with sons?" "you should be grateful for what you have" etc. My own mother (mom of two girls and no boys) has told me I need to "build a bridge" and my sister has some fertility issues too so my family think I am terribly selfish to express a desire for a DD. I feel like sometimes I am overwhelmed by the NEED to have a daughter and sometimes I get so sad thinking I may never have the relationship I so desperately desire! I wrote an email to DH recently, it didn't start out as an email but in the end I mailed it cause I expressed how I felt and thought he could read it and perhaps understand things a bit better. I don't mind sharing it here, its a safe place, so here it is:

I don't want to feel this way any more. I would not wish this feeling of wanting a daughter on my worst enemy!!
I feel like I am broken, a part of me is missing. I feel like I am the most selfish woman in the world to be unable to be happy with what I have.
I feel sad knowing that I am such a spiteful person I would take joy out of the fact a friend had to have her daughter by section. I feel sick to think about what kind of a person this feeling has made me become.
I feel guilty when I look at my wonderful, loving, gorgeous boys and think they deserve a mother who is complete.
I feel such sorrow knowing that I may never experience the love of a daughter. I feel such real and present grief at the possible loss of a relationship I have wanted my whole entire life.
I feel angry at women who have daughters and mistreat them. I feel jealous of anyone who has both sons and daughters. Especially pigeon pairs.
I feel a real NEED to have a daughter - not to dress her in cute clothes and parade her around like a Barbie doll. I want to shape another female into someone I can be proud of. I want to watch her grow into a happy young woman. I want to raise a proud, independent and driven girl into the woman I could have been. I want to see her marry and watch her body grow big with my grandchildren. I want to help her be a good, loving mother. I want a friend for life.
Is that too much to ask for, really?!
I feel like if I "sway" to the best of my ability and it doesn't work and I have a third little boy then that was fated to be. That boys need to be here was stronger than my need for a daughter.
I don't know where to go from here. I need some support

I feel a *little* better since writing it down...