Just a little vent

[Claire33]

I've also said and done things that I've regretted, so I am in no way perfect, but telling your children that you wished they were the other gender could potentially be harmful. Now OP realizes this and apologized to her son. I don't agree that it's a funny thing to say (see post above this one). If a child hears this a few times, he/she will remember forever that their mother/father wished them to be something they are not. I am very very very careful to NEVER mention to my sons that I wished for girls. I just tell them that I am the luckiest mom on Earth to have such wonderful sons/children, so that they NEVER feel inadequate or not good enough.

I'm not saying this because I want to be on my high horse, I do make mistakes, I do say and do things that I regret. But as a reaction to this previous post, telling your children you wished they were the other gender isn't "just a funny thing to say". It is, in my eyes, a potentially harmful thing to say. Just like telling your child you wish they were taller/shorter/blonder/darker etc. I grew up with everyone (including parents) telling me that I am too pale and skinny, that was hard enough. If they'd told me they wished I were a boy I would have been devastated. At least you can eat to get fatter (which I did, making me gain too much weight), lie in the sun to get brown, die your hair, go on a diet. But changing your gender isn't possible, so you'll feel inadequate forever.

Again, I'm not saying this to make OP feel bad, as we all make mistakes, it's part of parenting, but I really don't think it's a funny thing to say.

[pink_bean]

Good point, Claire33. My mother was one of 3 girls and they all somehow know my grandfather was deeply disappointed in never having a son. My mom seems ok with it but her older sister is to this day very bitter about it and I think she let it hold her back in life. I know I'm not a perfect mom and make plenty of mistakes but I will try not to let either of my boys know I wanted a girl. Although that reminds me of a show I saw once were a boy was having a quinceañera because he knew his mom always wanted a girl. It was really sweet, actually. Although my husband was appalled at the idea of a boy having a quince and told me not to get any ideas. Haha but I digress.

But I think the op was just having a bad day and clearly felt bad about it.

[Am3a]

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[BZ94]

Thanks everyone for the support and understanding. It's nice to have this place to
Vent when the gd is bad.
Right now we are on a big family vacation with all of DHs family and I'm the only one who doesn't have a pp.
I try not to let it get to me but one of the cousins has a
Daughter who is just gorgeous and also the spitting image in both looks and personality of her mom and I can't help just stare longingly at the two of them from time to time. Oh well.

As for my blow up with my sons I agree that it was the WRONG thing to say and have vowed never to repeat that. DS1 often asks for a sister and my response is usually an upbeat "we don't make girls in this family! What would I do with a girl anyway?" I never want him to think I wish he's something he's not- because I definitely don't.

Meanwhile another relative just announced that they are having a ds after two girls. Somehow that makes it me feel just as jealous - because they are getting an opposite after two of the same genders and i keep telling myself that that's so rare and I shouldn't be upset that it didn't happen to me...can anyone relate?