My niece

[momamia4]

So my niece (DH's brother's baby) just had her first birthday. For some reason this little girl has triggered my GD, like no other, since the day she was born. I have 7 other nieces on my side of the family and this little girl was truly a miracle for my BIL and his wife (they were told they were both IF). But I can't help but fight back tears every time I see her. My SIL just posted a pic of me holding her at her birthday party on FB. Then my DH's grandma posts about the pic and says, "Here's your only chance to hold a baby girl! Enjoy it while you can!"

W.T.F?!?!?! Who freaking says something like that?! Seriously!!!! So here I am hiding from DH and crying so he won't think I'm a crazy fool. Why does this (GD) have to happen to people?! I am so happy for my BIL and his wife but at the same time, I don't understand why a DD seems to be such an absurd thing for me to even wish for. It seems like everyone else agrees that I'm doomed to have only boys. Sorry for all of the whining but I don't have anyone else to talk to about this stuff.

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[XXforhubby]

Aw! That did seem rather insensitive! I'm a firm believer that people just don't stop to think before they say/post things. I would hope that she was just making light of things, but I do think it was in poor taste.

I do know that TTCing is rather hard and then swaying adds a whole other dimension. I think all of this makes what we are trying for front and center. When we were trying for our first, most of us weren't swaying and just wanted a baby. Swaying for a gender makes what we hope for ever present and seeps into our everyday lives in ways it wouldn't otherwise.

I sure hope you get your DD! Hang in there sweetie!!


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[momamia4]

Thanks, XX! Swaying really does make me much more emotional. I think it's all of the pressure. I feel like I need to succeed. Luckily DH said that if our sway doesn't work then we can go HT! That seems to help a bit but our DD is still at the back of my mind.

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[covered in blue]

Big hugs xx That was a terrible thing to write! I feel your pain

[Claire33]

OMG, grandma, that was just a horrible thing to say! But I agree with XX, people just don't think before they say something super insensitive. I guess a lot of people don't realize that people actually are struggling with GD and then they can say whatever they want, because they assume it doesn't affect the person.

What is it about this particular niece that triggers your GD that your other nieces don't. Just wondering

I was wondering how old you are (since your kids are not super young), and if you could consider doing HT already now? Otherwise I wish you lots of luck with your sway!

[luckyfourleafclover]

omg I cannot believe the grandma wrote that! It is just so incredibly insensitive and even more so given the heartbreak you have suffered.

I have a niece who is almost 2, and it has been a real struggle for me too. She is my only niece and there are no nephews yet! I really love her and I am happy for my sister, but I am so jealous too. My mum also says really insensitive things like comparing my boys to her, and showing me pretty outfits she has bought...its really hard.

[Adia]

What a lousy thing to say!! Why can't people just put something nice like "two lovely ladies!" It seems like some people go out of their way to offend. I find it hard to think that someone who is a grandmother isn't wise enough to realize that would be hurtful.

I have certain SILs and nieces, etc that are harder than others to deal with too. One SIL in particular is tough for me because she ordered BBGG and got it. Just like everything else in her life...she orders it an the people around her jump to make it happen even when she is so ungrateful and unkind.
As time passes I KNOW she has some serious downsides to her life and I DON'T want her life, but it still sucks that something I struggled with so badly (GD), and had to work so hard for (secondary infertility/TTC blue) was completely effortless for her. Their may be things she sees as a huge struggle for her but not me, but having her ordered gender isn't one of them.

[atomic sagebrush]

There is a set of old people who are miserably unhappy and like to spread that around to others. They've lived a long time and are really good at picking out the one thing that sets your teeth on edge. I think it's a generational thing (I HOPE) and while I know it isn't easy, try to view this as not a gender disappointment remark but as a "person who is trying to be a super big beeyotch and picked out the one thing I am sensitive about to do it."

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh and when it comes to nieces, one thing that I found, was that I didn't want THAT baby, I wanted MY baby and it really seemed to help a lot, having that realization. I love my nieces of course but it wasn't that little girl that I just felt was out there waiting for me.

[momamia4]

I am 32 (we started really young!!). DH wanted to give swaying a try before we went whole hog with HT, although if I'm not pregnant by October that might change. I think this particular niece triggers my GD because she looks like my DH. She has dark hair and the same round face that his family has. My other nieces all have light hair and are children of my 2 half sisters. They look more like my sisters' dad's side than our mom's side. DH, our kids, and I all have dark hair. DH has very strong genes, so all of our kids look like him.

Thank you ladies for your kind words. They really do help!! This particular grandma is really just a mean person and always has been. She likes to get people riled up because she thrives on drama. It's actually one of the reasons we don't visit her often. I should have expected her to say something snotty like that but for some reason I was completely blind sided by it.

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