shouldn't be here, but I am

[needmorepink]

Other than us arguing over how many children to have, and sometimes money, he is great. He always wanted a big family. Like 6-8 kids. He always wanted girls, but didn't mind a boy or two as long as the majority of them were girls. From the beginning he didn't want boys because he feels he can't be a good father to a boy/s. But he knew with wanting that many kids it was unrealistic that all would be girls. Than yes, the genetic issues just makes him all the more only want girls. It's my fault I can't give him the amount of kids he wants because I fear of having more boys with genetic issues, Which again is my fault. I always wanted a big family too, until I found out I was going to have kids with genetic issues. Even before this I didn't want boys either, but I learned to accept it, until our second son was born in such bad condition. That is why I wanted to end after dd was born. I wanted to stay happy and not have to go through the depression and gd that I am going through now. I feel like the least I can do is give him one last dd since I couldn't give him 1.) healthy boys and 2.) the amount of kids he wanted. As far as how he is with the boys..He is good, but no where near like with our daughter. He actually enjoys doing things with her. He does things with the boys too, but you can tell he doesn't get into it and doesn't look like he is actually having fun like he does with her. He hates sports, action figures, etc. So when they want to play baseball you can see the look on his face like i hate this do i really have to? but does it anyway. Now with our dd he smiles and enjoys playing with her dolls, painting her nails, playing kitchen, dressing up, watching princess movies, etc. He will put one on and say he put it on for her, but she would be in a different room getting toys to throw at him. Sometimes I wonder if he is a little gay? lol I know he isn't or wouldn't be with me, but everything he is into is girly. Another reason I love him. We don't fight over what to watch because he loves watching all the chick flicks and shows. lol Never sports on tv in this house!

[Claire33]

I think your husband is being very optimistic thinking in advance that most of your kids would be girls, or that your next babies will likely be girls. You say that he is a nice person, but he is threatening to force you to adopt away any next boys or else leave you to take care of them by yourself. Could he really just give up a son after birth, just like that? Could he really leave a newborn, 4 older kids and his wife, just because the newborn was a boy? I'm confused....

My husband isn't the typical macho man (not into sports and cars etc). But he loves to spend time with his boys and takes them for walks and does other activities with them. He would have been completely fine with no girls, even though he is happy to have one daughter now soon. I would be slightly weirded out if my DH would want 2 or 3 more girls after this, and threaten to leave or cooerce me into having an abortion if I had any more boys. This is not normal, but it seems to me that this has become your normal, and he seems to think that this is an absolutely fine and reasonable demand.

[Babygirlquest]

I totally agree with Claire. You are justifying frankly unjustifiable behaviour, even putting the blame of this on your shoulders. It's not your fault your sons have a genetic condition. It's both sets of genes that have caused that, so if he is blaming you for that he would be equally responsible. You cannot guarantee a girl for him. I'm sorry he wanted a big family of girls and won't get it but that is life. We all adjust our expectations and learn to live with what we are given. I never expected to have four boys but I do and I love them dearly.

He needs to find common ground with his sons. That doesn't mean he has to do all macho stuff, I am very girly and have plenty in common with my sons. They are his children and it is his job to nurture them with as much enthusiasm as he would a daughter.

My honest opinion is not to have anymore. Unless you can go high tech, which doesn't seem like a possibility financially. I do not think even one more girl would placate him and the risk of another boy and what that could do to your family is too much!

[JJ66]

Just chiming in here. I agree with the ladies' feedback. This is a bad situation, to put it lightly. But plans for more children aside for one moment: he's not treating you like a man should treat his wife. Your happiness should be his priority. Your SANITY should be an even bigger priority. You're tormented, and he's the root of it. Does he recognize this?

He'd rather you leave with your children (or just your boys), than not get another daughter. So you and your sons being out of his life isn't a threat to him, but a very plausible option. How does that make you feel, and why would you try granting him another wish, when he's doing nothing to help you?

I'm really, really not trying to make you feel worse about this. I come from a family whose mother had to make the decision to leave our father and raise six of us kids on her own, get her education while working, etc. So I hate seeing a woman in a desperate situation. My hope would be for you to take charge of the situation and your life, for the sake of your kids and your own sanity. He's made it clear where you stand in his eyes, and he needs to fix it, fast.

[eleena2014]

Sorry had to join in but not sure how to put this without it upsetting you but if that was me I would leave.i have never heard of any man willing to loose his family if he doesn't get another girl. It is so selfish. How old are your boys? They will pick up on the fact that there dad doesn't like doing things with them and favours there sister and you may have problems when they're older.you can not be expected to abort an innocent baby who didn't ask to be brought into this world. Personally it would kill me to see my df favour one of my kids more than the other.each child deserves to be loved individually no matter what.we can only give you advise but I don't think having another is an option. I also think he needs space to figure out what he really wants and why he can't bond with your son's properly.you say your going through depression right now, that's not going to change if you have another regardless of what gender the baby would be.how can you be happy knowing a man who is meant to love and adore you would be so cruel to give you the options he has given you. Hugs to you and I hope you make the right decision

[needmorepink]

He did admit he may be a little bi and doesn't want anymore boys mainly because of the risk of them being sick. I have to admit I am with him on this one I wouldn't be able to handle another boy that is sick either. I would would probably consider one of those options. I would like to have any healthy baby boy or girl though. I just know if it was to be another boy there would be a slim chance of it being healthy. That is my fault, because I am the carrier of the genetic disorder. It looks like it may be to late. I only been on the diet for 5 going on 6 weeks and I am late for my period. I miscarried this past month and they said it should of returned 4-6 weeks afterwards. So if I do end up being pregnant who knows how far along I am and how long I would of been on diet. I know it defiantly wasn't long enough. Just got to hope for the best at this point. If I am not preg I defiantly wanna go high tech. He is happy with the promise of one more. I would like to have just as many as he does, but I just dont want to keep putting myself through whatever needs to be done to get a healthy child. He agrees. So we are happy and content if we can add just one more. I'm still so tired from the week away and can't think straight. If I take a test and it comes back positive I am gonna be skeptical if I am preg again or just hormones lingering from this past miscarriage. I was testing after I lost it and they were coming back positive, but about 2 1/2 weeks it seemed to be negative, but sometimes it wouldn't turn positive till well after the 10 mins and the last test that I thought was negative afterwards I threw out after 5 mins. Guess I have to push myself to go to the store and buy a few and find out once and for all and it is comes back positive take one every week and see if it gets darker indicating a new pregnancy. Than hope for the best.

[Claire33]

I can understand that you don't want any more boys that are sick. I assume there is a 50% chance of a boy having the disease and that it is X-chromosome related? I wish you the best of luck and I hope that your get pregnant with a girl or a healthy boy. Big hugs!

[needmorepink]

Very light positives last 3 days that are not getting any darker. I am so disgusted. I didn't even get my first period since this past miscarriage. I just know it is a boy. I feel this past miscarriage was our girl. I do not feel positive with this one at all. I don't know if I should wait it out and hope it is a girl, or just terminate and go with the original plan of going to the doctor. I just feel so strongly this has to be a boy. How can I get so lucky to get a girl when who knows how long I was on the diet for before I even got pregnant? I have no idea when I even conceived. I didn't get a period between my miscarriage and now. I started the diet as I was miscarrying which was only 5 going on 6 weeks. Got faint test the 31st, 1st and today. He released everyday we didn't bd. Bd protected every time except when I thought I wasn't fertile by cervical positional and cm. I don't know what to think. If it was a girl my tests shouldn't be faint since girls have higher hcg levels. I am extremely tired like with the boys.