so confused and frustrated!

[atomic sagebrush]

the more i read the more confused i get,
some say avoid caffine, others say drink coke, some say weight loss and cardio, others say dont excercise , some say hubby needs to diet , some say hubby dosent need to diet, some say cut off, others say BD right through, it just keeps on going....
im so confused its starting to stress me out, and im really doubting that i will ever get a girl!

im all ready to start, i think i have everything i need, just waiting for my ph strips to arrive, but i dont want to start and then find out i have done something totally wrong, this is too important too mess up.

can someone please try and level my head.
the more it stresses me out, the more i feel like just giving up, and i havent even started yet!

The problem is, there is a lot of science out there and a lot of old wives tales and those things don't always agree!! Even the science doesn't always agree, but all we can do is investigate and find out what we can, until better info is available. This website has a different focus than some other sites out there to be sure, in that we try to look at everything to see if holds up to scrutiny while others will simply say "do this or do that" without taking a hard look to see if they're even supported by hard science or not. But that's good because you have options available to you that you may not otherwise have had..

PLEASE don't stress about swaying. The good news is, most of us WILL conceive an opposite in our lifetime even if we have several of one gender, even if we do nothing to sway. Just look at the Duggars - they've had long runs of boys and long runs of girls (longer than most of us have!!) and Michelle can obviously make both genders! It's just that for some of us, those long runs seem to come at the beginning of having children (and none of us want to have 20 kids trying to get an opposite, haha)

To answer your specific questions:

1) The people who say "avoid caffeine" are saying that because of an idea that caffiene makes you leach large amounts of calcium from your body, but science doesn't support that idea. Here's a good explanation as to why. http://www.nestle-family.com/nutriti...ee_682132.aspx

We're not even totally sure that calcium even sways in the way that some people claim that it does. Here's an essay I wrote about the "calcium conundrum". http://genderdreaming.com/forum/show...-CONTROVERSIAL

I personally think it's fine to drink a Coke now and then. It's really kinda silly to think that of all the 3 billion females currently living on Planet Earth, that none of their moms drank an occasional coke, tea, or cup of coffee!! Or even a daily one, as most people do.

2)Losing at least a little weight is always desirable when you want a girl.

3) The exercise thing is actually two halves of the same advice (and this info originally came from me when I was a Swaying Forum Leader on IG, so you are getting the straight truth from the person who originally researched this.) Your goal is to shrink your muscle mass and the exercise is just a way to do that. Exercise in and of itself doesn't sway, it's what your body does as a result of exercise. So, there are two ways to shrink your muscles. One way is to exercise a lot, 60-70 minutes a day, 6-7 days a week, while losing at least some weight and preferably eating less protein. The other way is to not exercise at all (day-to-day activities are fine, of course), also while losing some weight and eating less protein. Both ways work.

Moderate exercise, and even intense exercise while gaining weight and eating extra protein, will grow your muscle and sway blue. Weight lifting, because it tends to grow your muscles, is also better for blue although it is possible to lift weights while losing weight/eating less protein and shrink your muscles, it's not as easy or effective as cardio is and so we tend to stick with weightlifting more for blue and cardio more for pink.

The idea that "cardio sways pink" that is reported on IG is an attempt to simplify that advice but I personally think it has only confused the issue.

4)Whether or not your husband does the diet is complicated because it's very unlikely that men's and women's bodies work in the same way. A woman losing weight sways pink, but it may not sway pink in men because their body chemistry is completely different. I think it's best if men simply stay the weight they are at and not change anything. Whether or not they choose to follow the mineral recommendations of some diets, again, is up to you. The simple fact is that some (many) people's husbands will not sway, and I think it's best to focus on what you can control for your sway, rather than what you can't.

5)Other websites believe that timing matters and so they insist that you not BD anywhere near O for a girl. However, timing has been studied extensively and it's been found time and again that there is no clear pattern with timing. In fact, some studies have even seemed to show that more girls were conceived on O Day.

If you are doing a lot of other things to sway, such as douching, lime tampon, jellies, reducing sperm count via abstinence, taking antihistamines and dieting to dry up your CM, the simple fact is that to do all these things and then to rely on one attempt, either a cutoff or O+12, is going to make it extremely difficult to get pregnant. I've been observing swayers for almost 5 years now and I really do not believe ANYONE has ever gotten pg with a girl doing all these things to the letter as they are told to. Most swayers try everything for a few months and then start to drop things. Usually the hardest things go first, and diet is the hardest thing for people to stick with.

Since diet has what I believe to be the soundest evidence from the most reputable sources (by far), I think it's far better to put your effort into diet and then get pregnant quickly, rather than stringing TTC out month after month in an attempt to succeed at timing, when that has absolutely no reliable scientific evidence backing it up (because it has not been verified as true.) So I think that BDing to maximize odds of pregnancy while swaying, makes so much more sense than trying to include everything and ending up not getting pg for many months, during which you will end up losing too much weight!!

Plus, the very act of trying to do timing has the potential to raise testosterone levels and end up inadvertently swaying blue!!!

[atomic sagebrush]

thanks, you are all great!, and zivic, you cracked me up....lol overwhelmed is a much better word...

my youngest has his first bithday this saturday, so im planning on getting organised to ttc in a few months, but i know the diet and everything takes time so im starting all that the start of my next cycle, i am just waiting for my pH strips to arrive in the mail.
i have been charting my cycles ever since bub was born, so i know roughly whats going on there, even though its not very regular, which also concerns me if we are having a cut off point etc.

my cycles are anywhere from 29-35 days long, i ovulate anywhere from day 16-21 and my LP ranges from 13-18 days, i also only have one fallopian tube, my right one was removed with an ectopic pregnancy 2 years ago, so im guessing that will add a bit of confusion...lol.

i am concerned about hubbys "help"..., he eats loads of salt, and coffee, im sure he will be ok with the liquorice root, as long as i hand it to him when he supposed to have it, and as far as the red meat thing goes, he eats what ever i cook..... (which sucks since hes a chef)
he also like to have a beer after work, will that affect pink?

the caffine thing for me isnt a problem, i dont drink coffee anyway unless i have a migrane , then the caffine helps.
and i was planning on losing some weight before TTC anyway so its a good excuse to stick to it.

sorry if im rambling, the kids have been sick the last few weeks and i havent been getting much sleep, so my brain is a bit fuzzy.

and thank you all for your help

I would not worry one bit about hubbies that eat salt, drink coffee, and beer, because pretty much ALL of them do, and yet look around - most families have both boys and girls.

The licorice root will help, so if he's willing to take it, you might want to include it. PS - male chefs tend to have a lot of daughters anyway due to the heat of the kitchen and sometimes carrying a bit of extra weight (extra weight tends to sway pink in men) so I think you're set up for a great sway regardless of what diet he chooses to follow.

[atomic sagebrush]

I agree with the other girls. We all feel overwhelmed when we first read the information because there's so much of it and because there's no 'prescription' for getting a girl! All we can do is absorb it all, decide what makes most sense to us and what we can/want to do. You'll find after a while that you don't have to think too hard about it and a plan will formulate in your mind that you're happy with. When are you planning to start ttc?

I totally agree! The idea of the "one size fits all", cookie cutter sway is simply inaccurate. Different people need different sways. Please check out this essay I wrote, it might help you form up your plan. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/show...zing-your-sway

[dannikins]

thank you SOOOOOOOOOO much!
that has simplified things a great deal.
i might have to try and fatten hubby up...lol. hes not the typical chef, hes actually really skinny.

[atomic sagebrush]

thank you SOOOOOOOOOO much!
that has simplified things a great deal.
i might have to try and fatten hubby up...lol. hes not the typical chef, hes actually really skinny.

It's still ok, because the heat of the kitchen will still be swaying for you (plus, I know that a lot of chefs smoke, which also sways pink.)

[Hobbermittens]

Try feeling desperate and/or overwhelmed ( my most used feelings lol!) which is great for pink

I am confused about how this is different from stressed? I feel this way as a part of stress. Hmmm.

[dannikins]

smoking sways pink? thats great!
so it looks like it must be my fault we keep having boys then?
im too bloody healthy and well balanced...lol

[atomic sagebrush]

I am confused about how this is different from stressed? I feel this way as a part of stress. Hmmm.

Some people kinda "like" stress and either seek it out or tackle it head on when it appears. Others get easily overwhelmed and shut down in the face of stress and stop trying all together. This is just a very general attitude that may be related to increases in testosterone. But it's NOT a make or break thing and there are plenty of times where we all feel very overwhelmed and yet rise above it and people with a wide array of attitudes and personality types have kids of both genders. I wouldn't give it a second of concern or worry because it's next to impossible to pinpoint and probably IS impossible to change by willpower.

PS - If I hadn't had times in my life where I felt both ways, I prob. wouldn't understand the principle, but I have def. had times where I felt very able to handle challenges and then other times where even something very small became an overwhelming problem for me to deal with.

[atomic sagebrush]

smoking sways pink? thats great!
so it looks like it must be my fault we keep having boys then?
im too bloody healthy and well balanced...lol

It is actually great though because at least you have that working for you!!

There are plenty of smokers out there with boys! There are no magic bullets unfortunately.

[Hobbermittens]

Others get easily overwhelmed and shut down in the face of stress and stop trying all together.

.

yep, this is me, 100%. Can't deal. "Calgon, take me away". Damn, is that why I have 2 girls? But like you said, I CAN'T change this, so I am just going to try not to get stressed if I can help it.