Wish i knew what to do...

[Tibb]

Awesome to read what all the wonderful moms have written hear. I have two girls and dream of a son. I had no brothers of my own, we are three sisters, and it was great. I am happy to have two girls, as i know that having sisters means so much all ur life, but still, i dont want to miss having a son, how would that feel?
Kids are so much joy, but i am still wondering if having another would be the right decision, for me and my girls. Strange thing to say as i see that many of youhave a much bigger bunch than mine. The only reason i am doubting is though DH. He is not a kid-friendly person if i can say it that way. A big temper, a lot of yelling, and practically it is me raising the kids. There are good moments, but often i think that i am crazy thinking of another. But still,i am afraid of regretting not having another in 5 years. I feel i should take the decision, either just go for it, or leave the thought completely. I wish i knew what to do..
Would it really make me happier to have a son, or having more time and energy for my two girls...


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[mandyp85]

Hi there. All I can tell you is how I feel and for me I always feel that I would never regret having more children but I may regret not having more but I grew up in a big family so for me it was the norm and I have never known any differently. My dh sounds similar to yours although he has chilled out a lot over the years and has accepted each pregnancy and child as they have come along, has never expressed regret, loves them all and wouldn't be without them. You just have to go with what your heart tells you. If you decided to go ahead and you had another girl would you be happy? Or is your desire for another child purely for the chance of having a boy? I am in a similar place but I am desperate for another girl (currently pregnant with ds4)

[Princess Mom]

We as women have different feelings towards this situation then men.
I myself come from a family with girls! I'm the middle sister lol.
My first born was my son and I wanted girl but didn't care he is my best friend second child is my daughter and my third is my new baby boy who is almost 2! I really want another daughter and my husband doesn't careless. I'm just in the situation right now if it happens it does. I just had a miscarriage.

My sister my younger one has two girls 7 and 4 and wants a son also. I say go for it if it something you really desire. But make sure you will be okay with it.

[atomic sagebrush]

That is my husband too...and my dad, and my stepdad! I don't think it's unusual and it is just the way that many dads are. Gruff.

There is no right or wrong answer to this. On the one hand, I know that my life would be a lot more peaceful and calm if I had just stayed with my 2 older boys - but at the same time, they are adults now, they live on their own, and don't need or want me to be that involved. Sometimes it can be a bit of a gift to our kids for us to step back and let them figure things out on their own, to some extent. And having more kids is DEF. a cure for "helicoptering" because you don't even have the energy to worry about the little things.

With my two older boys, I was (as we vulgar Americans say) "up their butts" about every little thing and I know I drove them crazy at times. With my three little ones, they're closer in age and plus I work, and I just have less time to sweat the small stuff. They are all way more independent than my two older boys were at the same age. And I now realize that independence as a little child can be practice for adulthood. I worry about my older boys sometimes because they sometimes wait around to do things until they hear from me or my husband, and this has sometimes made trouble for them in their lives, when immediate action needs to be taken (like car repairs, signing up for health insurance, and so on) and they wait till they can talk to us. And all the things I used to nag and remind them to do, like doing dishes regularly and gassing up their cars, they don't always do on their own. And now when things go wrong, it has life altering consequences like job loss and financial ruin or possibly dying from dirty dish exposure LOL, whereas if they had had more "practice" as a kid, without me doing everything for them, they might be better prepared. This last year that they've lived on their own has been a crash course in adult living!

[Tibb]

Yes, seems like many fathers are a bit like that, but reeeally, he does nothing, and the worst part is, i dont want him to be more around the kids! I know he loves thegirls, but he is just not that calm/loving father. It just ends up with tears and yelling, because he has such temper, doesnt tolerate much. So, anyway, i must be prepared of being a mother of three kids on my own practically

The other thing is the gender issue. I belong eastern culture, and havinga third girl would be a huge diasappointment in everyone elses eyes, including my husbands!! And that is another scary thing. Although i am getting used to the thought of having three girls...

U say that your life would be calmer with just the two, i dont know if it is a appropriate question, but do u ever "regret" having more... I



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[Claire33]

I guess there would be no way for you to go HT for a boy? It's expensive and you'd have to go through IVF treatment, but it will give you a boy if you have a successful pregnancy. Good luck on your decision. I think 3 kids is a great number, although I do have a husband that does a lot. 4 kids on the other hand....

[atomic sagebrush]

NO I don't regret it at all. If I hadn't had my three younger children I think my life would be very empty and sad now. Even if I had ended up with 5 boys instead of 4 boys and 1 girl, I am still happy that I decided to have more children. It has been hard sometimes especially when everyone is sick or something like that, but I am very happy with my family as it is.