Scared of gender disappointment

[honeybee37]

Title says it all really... We are ttc pink and have two amazing boys. This is definitely, DEFINITELY or last baby and I'm just terrified of feeling acute gender disappointment. I've decided I can't face even looking at the scans and will find out at the end. I feel sure that being handed a newborn gorgeous baby boy will be easier than just being told "it's a boy" and then having all the well meaning comments in the remaining four months. Does anyone have any experience of this? I'm just so scared of being preg in a way as I know there will always have been more I could do to sway. HT is def out the question.

[Bluebooties]

I was in this same situation. I have 2 DD's and we waited 4 years to even try for a third just from fear. I had mild GD with my DD2 but i guess with her i still had a chance of going for a third but with the third i knew this was the end of the road. I had wanted not to find out but honestly i was terrified that if told girl at delivery the I would be in a worse place emotinally that if i find out at 20 weeks. I guess i needed the time to get over GD before the baby was here so that i can give her the love and caring she deserves.
So i did go ahead and found out at 20 weeks and GD did hit hard. Infact i am still blaming myself for going for a third and dividing the time and attention my eldest two had for my "need" for a boy.


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[squigglepink]

Ah, honeybee.. im online so i thought id tell you that you are NOT alone. I have two boys and have already told my DH that i dont want him to attend the 20 week scan and i dont want to know what it will be until d-day.. He seems to think this is a stupid idea and would rather know the gender, however i feel i would rather just enjoy the pregnancy and not harp on it for the remainder of the pregnancy should it be another boy.. This is also our LAST baby.

[honeybee37]

It's awful isn't it.... I wake up at night in frets about it. I look at my youngest Ds and think, how could I do this to you? I don't know how he'll cope being a 'middle child' and yet I'm going through with it... Blue booties, I'm so sorry you didn't hear blue. I know it's no consolation but a v close friend has three girls and wanted a boy badly... They are the sweetest family and the girls are so close. I know nothing can prepare you for GD though. I was the same when I found out ds2 was a boy. I knew I'd probably be able to go for a third but any more would be a definite no.
I just hate the stigma of three boys. So much negativity. My dH is quite up for a surprise and didn't want to find out with the first two so that's good, but I'm scared I'll feel anxious and mull over my sway for the full nine months. I'm just scared I won't love a third boy, and I'll resent him intruding in on our family just for my desire for a baby girl.....

[purple]

I would be interested in the different experiences. I'm pretty sure we will find out at an early gender scan but I'm not sure if we will tell people.

My first was a surprise which was great but I cried the night he was born and told dh I wanted a girl. I only suffered mild GD then as I knew we would have another chance at a girl.

2nd time we found out at 16wks and I cried for the first day but then tried to look at all the positives like how nice it would be for ds1 having a brother.

This time I'm scared how I will react but I figure the comments will come wether I know or not. I actually think other people's expectations is what makes GD worse. I can deal with my own dissapointment but when family members start saying how they wanted a granddaughter (especially the FIL who already has 1) I find it upseting.


Anyway, good luck with swaying. Just do your best as whatever you do you will start doubting as soon as you are pregnant. I wish I could have done better but its too late now!

[honeybee37]

Or that I'll feel so guilty for even saying that, that I'll love him too much and at the expense of my first two!! You can't win!!

[dalmad]

I was the same as you (You have just read my sway so you know I have just found out we are accepting our 3rd and final boy). I feel a bit sad, but it is not dissapointment with this baby, it is a kind of mourning for a daughter I will never have. Also I am sure I probably wouldn't feel this way if there wouldn't have been so many "I hope this is your daughter" comments as if I didn't love my sons and my life only would be fullfilled if I had a daughter. This is completely not true in my case though I have read a few GD experiences when some mothers feel they must have a daughter. When we started to TTC we knew we want a 3rd child no matter what sex, a family unit of 5 will be great! The acceptance of not having a daughter is just something I have to deal with just like other inconveniences in life. Life sometimes doesn't end up in a way we plan it and I count myself lucky that I will have three healthy children which some families can only dream of.
Fingers crossed for you though that you have your DD!! If I could change one thing in my sway is that I would have tried harder to add an hour exercise 5 days a week. Though in my case next to a full time job and 2 boys was difficult

[honeybee37]

Purple you're so right - it's the constant comments of "oh are you hoping for a girl?" which def make it all worse. I sometimes feel like saying "oh god no! I'd hate a daughter! I definitely want another boy" just to shut people up. My friend has twin girls. When we first met (at a school open day thing), she said to me "you are so lucky. I was desperate to have twin boys." I was quite surprised as most of the comments I receive are about how hard work boys are! Mine aren't even, particularly. It's just what people expect. My Nan in particular was desperate for me to have a girl and made that clear from me being 6 weeks preg with my first !!

[squigglepink]

I always wanted a boy first. .. with my second, i assumed it would be a girl, as you do.. because thats how my brother and sister have it!! I cried for two days i was so disappointed... Now i could cry at the thought of not having had him he's so amazing!

[honeybee37]

I was the same as you (You have just read my sway so you know I have just found out we are accepting our 3rd and final boy). I feel a bit sad, but it is not dissapointment with this baby, it is a kind of mourning for a daughter I will never have. Also I am sure I probably wouldn't feel this way if there wouldn't have been so many "I hope this is your daughter" comments as if I didn't love my sons and my life only would be fullfilled if I had a daughter. This is completely not true in my case though I have read a few GD experiences when some mothers feel they must have a daughter. When we started to TTC we knew we want a 3rd child no matter what sex, a family unit of 5 will be great! The acceptance of not having a daughter is just something I have to deal with just like other inconveniences in life. Life sometimes doesn't end up in a way we plan it and I count myself lucky that I will have three healthy children which some families can only dream of.
Fingers crossed for you though that you have your DD!! If I could change one thing in my sway is that I would have tried harder to add an hour exercise 5 days a week. Though in my case next to a full time job and 2 boys was difficult

Dalmad yes I did just read your sway! You're so right and I also know I want to be a family of five. I consider myself a mum of three even though I'm not even pregnant! And my sons are so very different, they are each their own little human being and I know a third would be too. I feel a third baby will add enormously to our family dynamic. I guess I am just scared I'll feel GD and worried about how this will affect my feelings towards my future child. I also struggle with anxiety and depression and don't want it to trigger some kind of new episode.